Emotions are chemical reactions in our body. When you “feel for someone”, that’s an emotional chemical reaction. The problem with emotions is that it changes every 5 seconds. Chemicals are never stable. Love is not emotions. Love is more of a knowing than a feeling. Of course, love can be felt but the feelings of love ought to be the fruit – not the root – of love.
It takes 8.2 seconds for a guy to fall in love. The average guy has had a crush on dozens of girls. Some he has never met, some he seldom meets, some he often meets, some are twice his age, some are celebrities, some are even married. Some he had a crush on for many years, some just months, some a few days. This is totally natural. So if a guy is obsessed with you, ladies it is nothing new.
Love is not blind.
Research has shown that if you have a crush on someone, your brain overlooks their flaws and they tend to appear “perfect”. This seem to look like love but isn’t. Love is intentional not accidental.
There are two reasons why we have a crush on someone;
1. Because we seldom meet the person. Thus, the person appears perfect anytime we see them. We crush on them because we desire to have them with us.
2. Because we always see them. They are usually around so we get intimate. We crush on them because we fear losing them. We have come to understand them and they have become a part of us.
Reason 1 is responsible for most of the crushes we usually have. We usually have strong unexplainable connections with people we least expect. This is as a result of them being a projection of something we like and/or desire to have in us or with us that we see in them. When we crush on them, we usually want to get to know them more because we really don’t.
Reason 2 is responsible for shifting the paradigm into a love relationship something that once started as mere friendship. We’d rather spend the rest of our lives with someone we have known and trusted and have come to realise that we’ve fallen in love with than with another who enchants us with their mystery. It is called the mere exposure effect.
They say, “when you fall in love with two people, choose the second one because if you were in love with the first, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the second“. That is not necessarily true. You can even love two opposites simultaneously, how much more two people. Once you like someone, there’s a potential of falling in love with them. Sticking to one is not something that comes automatically with love. It is a conscious decision one has to make. Even with that, being in love with someone has never stopped anyone from loving other people. Love is commitment.
How long a crush lasts is no justification for its authenticity.
Someone can have a crush on you for years and you may feel the need to reward their persistence. That is pity-love. That will surely not last and may end in a bad fashion. Love is mutual.
What then do you do when you have a crush on someone you want to have something special and serious with? Cultivate it. Love suffers at high speeds. Love is patient. Once you begin to develop feelings for someone, you are careful not to mess it up. It can easily turn to lust when it is directed in the sexual path rather than being on the empathic path. Get to experientially know the person and understand the different dimensions of the person; intellectually, mentally, spiritually. In this way, the heart, head and hand can fully connect on a whole different level with your crush. Now there’s not only a crush, there’s a bond.
I love you ❤