How to Live Above the People-pleasing Mentality & Environment

Don’t live your life to please anyone. Not your boss or your friends. Definitely not your friends. Not any member of your family. People-pleasing is a slavery mentality. If you want someone to please, please God. God is the one person you can pursue to please and never regret.

Why shouldn’t you live your life to please anyone?

It’s a trap. Once you live up to their expectations, they will always pile their issues on you to solve. Guess what? You’d have to live up to their expectations all the time. You’ll lose yourself trying to keep up with their expectations and praise of you. This is the fact; the day you disappoint them, their reaction will be greater than every praise they’ve ever showered on you.

People-pleasing Mentality

If you are people-pleasing, you will suffer when they are gone. Our mind needs a metric to measure how well we are doing in an area. If your efforts are based on the praises and rewards of your pleaser, you will lack a reward system of your own. Immediately that boss is replaced, that relative dies or that friend leaves, your world shatters. You won’t know your left from your right. This usually happens to students who are teachers’ pets. Once they complete school and go into industry, they struggle to cope because they don’t know who to please and how to please who.

If you live for their acceptance, you will die from their rejection. You can easily break down if someone doesn’t appreciate the effort you put in to please them. Make sure you are doing the right thing for your own self-development and good motive. Sometimes, the people you are trying to please may not even notice any effort, and that can still leave you devastated.

If you live to please people, you never discover your authenticity. You live in the shadow of your pleaser. It’s about what they want and how they want it. You never take the time to do it your way and use your own discretion. If you want to please your boss so bad, this is what happens. You’re too careful, thereby limiting the use of your own intuition to make independent decisions that can still work out.

People-pleasing Environments

Sometimes, it’s not our fault. We may not even notice that we are doing certain things as a way to please someone above us. This is because of the kind of environment that has already been created. Some leaders don’t accept opinions. It is only about executing things their way and style. Thus, people end up doing what the boss wants; not because they want to make him happy, but because they don’t want to get on his/her bad side.

No wonder that’s how people interpret God and His Ways. “Obey Me otherwise I will throw you into hell forever.” As a result, so many remain a scared slave to God rather than a close friend. No wonder. Leaders who want you to please them are making sure you’re never above them. Once you do it your way, they’ll make you feel small and “put you in your place”: below them.

What if you find yourself in the company of someone who wishes that you keep pleasing them because they alone always know what is right? Let me give you a piece of terrible advice: disappoint them. Don’t do what is right in an attempt to meet their expectations. Do what is right because you want to. Brace yourself for a ton of criticism. Their perfectionism is not your mandate. Free yourself from having to carry the burden of always pleasing them for their praises and worship on you.

You cannot be everything to everyone. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm

Daniel Good

Treat them well

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying intentionally live to displease them. Such people are already perfectionists so no matter how hard you try to please them, you will still keep falling short from time to time. So don’t try to please them. On the other hand, don’t live to intentionally displease them. Just do your very best for your own self, not for them.

One day when you’re in their capacity, please endeavour to treat those below you with the compassion you needed so much. Treat your employees well, treat your children well, treat the younger generations well. Treat those down the pipeline well, and never look down on those who look up to you. I love you ❤

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