Resonance

Category: Addiction

  • The Silent Pandemic of Sexual Sins & Addictions

    In a bid to talk about consecration, let us first talk about one silent pandemic that is eating up destinies.

    Experts speculate up to 10 per cent of the total Christian population in the United States have a sexual addiction. If true, this means that in a congregation of 500 members, 50 are sex addicts. And this percentage may be increasing. In one study, two-thirds of all Christian men admitted to “struggling” with pornography. In another study, 40 per cent of pastors surveyed confessed to looking at pornography. Christians who struggle pray ceaselessly, read the Bible constantly and consult countless pastors, but still can’t stop.

    You may think you don’t know a sex addict. Sex addicts, however, do not fit the popular stereotypes. They are otherwise gentle and kind. They care deeply for others. To fellow church members, they appear to be ideal Christians. But a secret side of them does evil and harmful things, sexual things, some of them too horrible to fully describe. Their sexual activity is uncontrollable and they can’t stop. It is an addiction.

    Sexual sin is not news to the church. Voices among us have consistently protested this immorality and called for repentance. Yet sexual sin remains a difficult topic to talk about. When “one of us” commits sexual sin, the rest of us are shocked and embarrassed by the apparent hypocrisy and massive failure of faith. In response, we turn inward to our own shame, fears, and confusion, and try to keep the situation as quiet as possible.

    Those who come out to say they suffer from sexual addiction have been ostracized, scorned and persecuted. Too consumed by shame to ask for help, they have been confined to lives of loneliness and isolation. Addiction thrives in isolation, darkness and shame. The cycle is not only spiritual; it is psychological, mental, physical, emotional etc. It consumes your entire being and your entire life until you are reduced to a piece of bread.

    Sexual addiction is about trying to control behaviours…and failing. Just like alcoholics, sex addicts tell themselves they can quit tomorrow if they want to. They like to think they are in control, but they are not. Until they want to finally stop and realize they can’t. Addiction distracts addicts long enough to take your entire will from their control. Indeed, their inability to give up the illusion of control is precisely what prevents sex addicts from healing. It is the same with any sin. Our attempts to control our lives prevent us from trusting God to care for us. The sad reality is, anyone who has tasted any sex addiction can suffer from a love addiction unbeknownst to them.

    The Root Cause

    Sin is the lack of a relationship with God and the destructive behaviours committed as a result. Unmanageable and causes people to distrust God, to control their own lives, and to commit behaviours destructive to themselves and others, sin causes shame and leads to death. Unmanageability, escape, shame, and addiction make up the very fabric of sin.

    Addiction is living a lie because, although you think you think you’re enjoying yourself because your body feels so good, you are sad deep within. Being pierced in the soul by many sorrows is a reality that is now distracted by further additive activities. Addiction provides an escape from feelings; feelings of discomfort, disdain, shame, abandonment, neglect, rejection, low self-esteem, and what have you. After you commit the sexual act, you have to come to the real world and face your problems.

    Every single tool man invents will be used to perpetuate evil to the next level. From the Internet to social media to AI, every new level of accomplishment of man is used to orchestrate evil to a level never seen hitherto. That’s because the problem of man is in his heart. When sin rules a man’s heart, every tool is a weapon for evil, be it a knife, car, platform or even the mouth. Thus, God transforms a person from within. We live from within. A good tree produces good fruit. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good fruit.

    The advancement of the Internet age has propagated a lie that has censured many Christians today from living the reality of the truth common to all Christians in past generations. If there is one thing that united all Christians at any point in history, it was the dedication to live a holy life. The rampage of lust alone – as it is being shoved in our faces everywhere we turn our head via media – has, at least, caused the average believer to think living a holy life is theoretically right but practically unrealistic. However, the Eternal God has unchanging standards.

    Since it’s the same race the great cloud of witnesses ran, God is not going to lower the standard to accommodate the culturalized and “technologized” perversions that defines our era. Take courage! You are the best person in your bloodline to be alive in this point in time. You were predestined for such a time as this. If we think God is not being fair when He doesn’t adjust the standard to accommodate our beguiled reality, then it shows we don’t understand the potency of God’s redeeming power. Christ’s redemption is eternal. That means it is the same power that will continue to make us the redeemed of the Lord in the age to come when this present world is long gone.

    There’s hope ❤

    If you want to read more on this silent pandemic, kindly read Theologian Mark Laaser’s book on Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

  • Edification, Exhortation & Comfort : God’s Architecture of Grace

    We all get tired. Even the strongest believers sometimes feel drained. Some feel stuck. Others begin to gradually lose interest and give up. Many get sick and tired of being tired and sick. Even leaders and pastors who spend their lives strengthening others can often find themselves empty. God, in His wisdom, has built a spiritual system to keep His people from collapsing in the vicissitudes of life. He designed a divine rhythm for the soul; edification, exhortation, and comfort. It is God’s healing system for the whole person (spirit, soul, and body) and the whole Body. It is how He keeps His family standing, growing, and enduring until the end. Next week, we will talk about the Mystery of Encouragement but for now, let’s establish the doctrinal side of it.

    Edification: Increasing Our Capacity

    The word edify comes from the Greek oikodomeō which means to build up. It is the act of strengthening, forming, and maturing until a life becomes stable. Spiritually, edification is God’s way of stretching our capacity to carry His life. When you are edified, something within you expands. Your faith deepens, your understanding widens, and your endurance strengthens. You become more capable of carrying divine weight.

    “And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up.” (Acts 20:32)

    God builds us through teaching, truth, and time. Like a master builder laying one stone after another, He establishes your inner man until you can contain more of His strength, more of His wisdom, and more of His people. We do not grow by accident. We grow because the Spirit keeps laying stone upon stone, truth upon truth, grace upon grace. Edification is how God turns the fragile into giants.

    Exhortation: Increasing Our Expectation

    Once you have been built up, you must be stirred up. Exhortation comes from the Greek paraklēsis which means to call near, to urge, to appeal. It is the voice from Heaven that says, “Do not give up. Lift your eyes again.”Sometimes you know the truth, but you no longer expect it to happen. You are built up but not stirred up. That is when the Spirit exhorts. He calls you near, speaks courage into your heart, and rekindles anticipation for what God will yet do.

    “Let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works… exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25)


    Exhortation raises your expectation. It awakens the dormant parts of your faith. It moves you from “I know” to “I believe again.” Through a message, a friend, or the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit, God exhorts His children to rise. The fire may be small, but exhortation breathes upon it until it burns bright again.

    Comfort: Increasing Our Threshold

    Comfort is not about removing pain. It is about raising the threshold to endure it. Comfort comes from paramuthia, meaning to speak closely, to console, to strengthen. It is the tender voice of God in the midst of trial.

    “Blessed be God, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforteth us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4)

    When life feels unbearable, the Comforter sits beside you. He does not scold you for weeping. He stays with you through it. Comfort increases your threshold, your ability to face tomorrow without collapsing today. The comfort of God is not sentimental. It is strengthening. It restores your equilibrium, renews your peace, and brings sanity back to your soul. Comfort does not make life easier. It makes you stronger.

    God’s System for the Prosperity of your Soul

    This threefold process of edification, exhortation, and comfort is God’s divine therapy for the believer. It is how He balances spiritual maturity with emotional wellbeing. It is how He keeps your spirit sharp, your faith alive, and your heart tender. Built up, stirred up, and held up. That is the full rhythm of what I call God’s architecture of Grace.

    God never intended anyone to walk alone. From Eden to the early Church, His answer to human needs has always been another person. He builds through teaching and discipleship. He stirs through encouragement and prophecy. He heals through companionship and compassion.

    > “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)
    “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

    When you isolate yourself, you disconnect from this system. Isolation dries the soul. Even pastors need edification. Even prophets need exhortation. Even apostles need comfort. God’s love often comes disguised as a friend who refuses to give up on you, a mentor who speaks correction where you don’t see one, or a circle of friends who simply sits with you in silence. His help usually comes with a human face. A true Word from God will always carry this triadic essence. It will build, stir, and heal. When you stay in fellowship, you stay within God’s healing cycle. The Church is not a club of perfect people but a living organism through which grace circulates. Each believer is both a receiver and a dispenser of Grace.

    “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

    You are God’s instrument of renewal to someone else. Your word, your prayer, your listening ear may be Heaven’s hand to a weary soul. And in your own day of need, that same grace will return to you through others.

    God’s Architecture of Grace

    Edification increases your capacity to grow. Exhortation raises your expectation to believe. Comfort strengthens your threshold to endure. Together, they form the architecture of grace, the system by which the Spirit constructs, energises, and heals His people. When God builds you, He does not only strengthen your spirit. He heals your mind, renews your emotions, and strengthens your endurance. We are built to last, established to be immovable and in a system that will preserve until you finish your race.

    So when you feel weary, do not withdraw. Do not hide your pain. You may be tired, but you are not alone. The same Spirit that builds, stirs, and comforts is reaching for you still to help you stand until the end.

  • Consistency as a Divine Virtue & the Scary Inconsistency of Humans

    It’s yet another night. I’ve been sent to buy something, and I decided to take a stroll with Bezalel, my guardian angel. He almost always follows me everywhere I go, for he was sent to me the very day I was born to help me accomplish God’s plan for my life. That night I asked him, “what message does Heaven have for me today?”. Bezalel decided to share an observation angelic beings have made concerning humans. “We are surprised by your inconsistency. In Heaven, everything is consistent. Nothing ever falls out of place.” I can’t say same for earth.

    It’s true. When you observe animals, you’d be surprised at how consistent they are. They basically do the same thing around the same time everyday. No holidays; no sign of laziness; no sign of boredom; no complaint. So when something is wrong, you’d quickly notice. Imagine a bird feeling too lazy to fly today. Imagine a cock not being in the mood to crow. Have you seen an ant give up? The thought of it sounds absurd. How about a peacock not proud of its feathers? Or a human not in the mood to work?

    Bezalel was right. Humans are ridiculously inconsistent. It’s not a matter of just getting tired of things, it’s a matter of not being able to carry out something till it’s accomplished.

    This is a long read but can you simply and consistently read till the end though you don’t feel like it?

    Animals and trees give consistent praise to God. Trees wave in awe of Him. Birds chirp and tweet of His goodness. Dogs bark at the smell of His sweet aroma. And then there’s humans. He promised God something last two months but he doesn’t care about it anymore. She is feeling reluctant to even read the Bible nowadays. He doesn’t see the need to attend church services anymore. She is in a good season so her prayers and praise have drastically reduced.

    So how do we stay consistent in the things that matter?

    First of all, do realise that God is consistent. His character is flawless. Until you believe the consistency of God, you would find it very difficult being a Christian and walking with Him. He is consistently in love with you, consistently watching over you. He is consistently caring for your needs.

    This is the meaning of unconditional love. Love is consistent. Anything that stops or shifts in the wake of conditions is not consistent. I have given you one key of Consistency. Anything that is unconditional has infinite potential to be consistent. God’s love is not based on conditions. That’s why His love is consistent. Every excuse arises from a condition that stops the flow of Consistency. Think about it.

    Consistency or Consistent Inconsistency

    Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.


    1 Thessalonians 5:16‭-‬18 NLT



    Though the word “consistency” does not appear even once in the Bible, the above verse captures it wholeheartedly. “Always”. “Never stop”. “All”.

    Start small and be consistent till the end. It’s better to start small and be consistent than to start “boom” and stop before it even begins to count. Consistency is not about what you have to do. You already know all those things but don’t do them. “I have to start exercising.” “We have to communicate more.” “You have to open up.” “I have to go on a diet. My stomach is getting bigger.”

    Consistency is about breaking instructions, tasks and have-to-dos into smaller, simpler tasks that can be done for a long time to come. Start small. The little things will add up. It is better to eat two bowls of rice everyday for a year than to eat 365 bowls in two days. Both sum up the same number of bowls but one is healthier, more realistic and natural. The thing about consistency is that there will always be something we are consistent with or consistently doing. That’s right! Your habits. Therefore, it’s either one is consistent or consistently inconsistent. There’s always a routine to everything we do, and it will shock how long you’ve done a particular activity in your life.

    I’ve given you another key. Consistency is inevitable. You’ll always be consistent at something. These are your habits. Your second nature. Things you do with minimum logic and effort. So the question is not whether you’re consistent or not. The question is, “what are you consistent in doing?” Have you noticed that we are mostly identified by what we are always consistent with? “The girl who is always laughing”. “The guy who comes to sit here on Tuesdays”. “The guy who knows how to write.” What do you choose to identify yourself with? Be consistent in that!

    Thessalonians 5:16‭-‬18 shows us things we should always be consistent at; praise, prayers and perseverance. It’s not a suggestion. It’s a command. You cannot be a victorious Christian without being consistent in these. They are not one-time events. There are lifetime commitments.

    The Secret of Individual & Cooperate Consistency

    “…for you know that when your faith succeeds in facing such trials, the result is the ability to endure. Make sure that your endurance carries you all the way without failing, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”


    James 1:3‭-‬4 GNT

    If you faint in the time of adversity, your strength is small, Proverbs 24:10 says. Trials don’t come to destroy you. They come to reveal you. That’s why I’m talking about what you consist of. It is what is within you that will enable you to stand firm.

    To be consistent, don’t rely on motivation and emotions. Rely on purpose and necessity. In other words, don’t do stuff because you feel like it. Day one, you will feel like it. One day, you won’t feel like it. Whenever you push yourself to do something though you don’t feel like it, you develop endurance. Read the Bible verse from James 1:3-4 again. When your endurance carries you all the way without failing??…that’s consistency!

    Consistency is from the Latin word “consistentia”, which means “standing together”. The singular form of the word, “consistentem”, means to stand firm. This illustration of a tree being “consistentem” in the midst of the storm, or the entire forest “consistentia”, really captures the root meaning. It’s all about what it consists of. Before we can stand together, we must individually be able to stand firm. So the first question is, “what are you made of as an individual?”.

    Aside from the individuality, God is also interested in the cooperate group. Inasmuch as God is going to judge us individually, God will also judge us based on the groups He placed us in. If you can stand firm individually, it is your duty to support others in need in any way you can because our destinies are interconnected.

    In Revelations 2 and 3, Jesus commended and rebuked churches as a whole, not individuals. The cooperate group is also important. Your Consistency must drag someone else along. It shouldn’t be just you. In fact, it is much more easier if the group is checking up on each other to keep on being consistent. We both know how important this is. May God help us. It’s about time God taught us how to be consistent 🙏

    I love you ❤️

  • Integrity vs Promiscuity: Which One Is More Difficult?

    Integrity vs Promiscuity: Which One Is More Difficult?

    We live in a generation where morality and integrity have become a matter of opinion. Moral bankruptcy is so high that in many contexts, those who choose to do the right thing are made to feel bad and those who do what is bad feel good about it. Because as human as we are we need a sense of belonging and acceptance, we compromise and become complacent just to fit in. Sooner or later, we lose our conscience and we are just like everyone else. Living a certain lifestyle because “everyone is doing it” is the dumbest logic if not one of the dumbest.

    We are living in a generation that has made promiscuity look so easy and integrity, difficult. Which one is more difficult to do, fleeing from danger or embracing danger? If we are embracing promiscuity, it is because we have viewed it as a place of comfort rather than that of danger. Physical attraction is an animal instinct and the sex drive is pretty much proactive in our youth. Nonetheless, giving in to our bodily passions can bring about consequences much more dilapidating to even our bodies. We cannot always control how we feel, especially in the sexual sense. What we can do, however, is control what we do when we feel what we feel. Surely, our actions can fuel or dissolve whatever we feel in any context.

    Your Feelings Are Not Your Justification

    integrity

    Acting based on our feelings makes us as immature and desperate as a cock on heat. In the same vein, we cannot always control what we think about. What we can control is what we do with that thought. No matter what, the final decision of what action to take lies in our hands; whether we would be caught up in the moment, act based on our feelings, get carried away or act otherwise. We, therefore, have no justifiable excuse, especially when there are many righteous examples to follow and a sweet Spirit to assist us in our daily affairs. Promiscuity is a choice. Therefore, if it has us, it is we who gave it the chance.

    Having a Form of Godliness yet Living in Sin

    “Jesus saw Nathaniel coming towards him, and saith of him, “Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile.” John 1:47

    If Jesus looks at us today, can He see us as a person of integrity, in whom there is no guile? Or are we still hiding behind Jesus from the Father, deceiving ourselves that “when God looks at us, He doesn’t see us? He sees Jesus.” Remember, friendship with the world is enmity with God. It’s not that God is so angry that He would destroy us, but Jesus. No! Just as righteousness gives us right standing with God, living in sin gives us a “wrong” standing with God, where we place ourselves as enemies of God. We make ourselves enemies of God and oppose Him when all He wants from us is friendship.

    A life of integrity cannot be lived outside of Christ. In Christ, the only life we can live is a life of integrity. Always remember that.

    You Can Have a Fresh Start

    The most amazing thing about all this is that, when we fall, we have an advocate who lifts us right back up when we repent. Our slates are wiped clean as if we never did it and the sin is never held against us. What more could we have asked for to live uprightly?

    I love you ❤

  • Parenthood 202: How Fathers Make a Difference in our Lives

    This is not the most fatherless generation in history. Many generations lost millions of men on the battlefield. Fathers went to war and never returned. Some who returned were better off dead; fatally wounded and had a lot of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to deal with. Some were deaf from the recurring sound of bombs. Others were too weak to recover from taking too many bullets. There have been many fatherless generations.

    This generation is the most fatherless generation that didn’t lose its fathers to war. In the USA alone, 19.7 million children – which is about 1 of out every 4 children – live without a father in their home. About one-third of Black Americans grow up without a Dad in their home. It’s a fact even from the experiential level, that there is a “father factor” in nearly all social vices.

    With the rise in extreme feminism, many women are gradually leaning toward having no man in their lives. Women are also complaining about double parenting, where there is a father figure in the house but he’s virtually useless and the woman takes double responsibility for running the home. The truth of the matter is, women have an inner craving in them for a male figure in their lives. Someone to protect them, at the very least; someone to direct them; someone to lead them. A girl’s bond with her father greatly affects her relationships with other men.

    Though some men may have failed women in a lot of ways, women must realize it’s only a ripple effect from men not having a father figure in their lives. Lecrae Moore said it better in his song, Just Like You;

    I got this emptiness inside that got me fighting for approval because I missed out on my daddy saying, “way to go”,

    Ain’t get that verbal affirmation or know how to treat a woman, know how to fix an engine,
    To keep the car running

    So now I’m looking at the media and following what they feed me,

    Lecrae Moore – Just Like You

    Fathers -lessness: A Generational Curse

    Our relationship with our earthly father also affects our relationship with our Heavenly Father. In 2001, Jennifer Hamer did research that showed that many African-American youths did not know how to approach their father when in his presence. Thus, if your father is more like a boss, you’re more likely to view God as a boss. Likewise, your relationship with God will likely be a very personal one if he’s a close friend.

    Even if there’s further research to prove that single parenting is equally as good as having two parents around, single parenting is not something to wish for. Single mothers are one of the poorest populations, many of them vulnerable to homelessness. In the United States, nearly half (45%) of single mothers and their children live below the poverty line. It’s not as easy as rich single mothers may make it look. The struggles that single parents face are greater than those in two-parent households.

    Moreover, it’s a generational curse. Men with absent fathers are more likely to become absent fathers themselves. Women with absent fathers are more likely to have children with absent fathers. Further research has shown that growing up without a father can permanently affect your brain. With society on the brink of collapse, the need for a father – not a perfect one, but one who will be there – is more important now than ever. Society will only flourish if matriarchy takes its place by patriarchy, not when the former overthrows the latter. Either of them will fail without the other.

    Be grateful to have a father and father figures in your life. They represented the Father and the fatherhood of God in your life. The enemy’s plan to eliminate fathers from society worked in America, and we all saw the dire effects associated with the rise of LGBT, abortion, gender-affirming surgeries and the lack of common sense. We shouldn’t sit down for this to be replicated in our society. We must honour our fathers, cherish them, celebrate them, remember them, and raise many more sons into fathers.

  • The Glorious Paradox in Recovery from Addiction

    There are a list of at least a dozen paradoxes in recovery, but they all begin with the big one: I had to be willing to give up to win against drugs and alcohol. Only when I was completely out of options did recovery seem like a viable option. From that one point we move […]

    The Glorious Paradox in Recovery from Addiction
    white oval medication pill beside blister pack
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
  • Keeping Your Shit Together

    Keeping Your Shit Together

    If you live in the past too long, you will be depressed. If you live in the future too long, you will be anxious. The only place you are designed to live is in the present, with your back towards your past and your face looking towards the future. Hope is imagining your future with God in it. Hope is one of the things – hope, faith and love – that will last forever, amazingly. That means God is so awesome that He expects us to look forward to His wondrous glory even in the times of the New Heaven and New Earth. He never ceases to amaze us.

    Sinach’s single epitomizes God’s assurance of everlasting Hope (1 Cor 13:13)

    That’s why I love Sinach’s song “He Did It Again”. There’s a line that goes, “and when I thought that He had done too much, Jesus did it again.” I have realised that the relevance of Hope is sadly missing. Over-ambition is not hope. Hope is confidence in patience. You can have faith and lack hope. In other words, you can totally believe in what God can do and still see hopelessness in your situation. You are not doubting God. You are just imagining a future without God in it. If a “makeup world” you have imagined is causing you distress, why don’t you just simply make up something good?

    It is so easy to wallow in hopelessness. We just lie down and think of all the problems we have in the world just because we are starving and do not have enough money. One small mistake we make, make us think about all the stupid decisions we have ever made and how bad we are when it comes to such situations.

    The more we wallow in hopelessness, the more we feel like the most miserable person in the world.

    When we remember out of nowhere how someone misunderstood us; then we link to when we were misunderstood by another guy sometime back; then another link to a very similar experience 2 years ago; then we link it to 6 more examples at once; then we are like, “I’m the most misunderstood person in the world
    😩😩”.

    All this happens under 5 minutes. It all started from one small not-even-a-big-deal problem. Then one seemingly harmless thought. Before you realise, you’ve had a bad day. This happens way too often. And today, we are leaving this attitude with all its accompanying emotions of hopelessness behind us. If my mind brings up a problem and another problem tries to connect to it, say “no! Not today.” We are learning to tackle one issue at a time, one step at a time.

    If doctors were told how many patients they will attend to in even a day, hopelessness may set in. But they attend to all these patients one at a time wonderfully. If teachers made a big fuss about the number of papers they had to mark, no one would like to be a lecturer of a huge class.

    You can never tackle all your problems at once so don’t think of all of them at once

    Some moments are just not the right time to think about important issues. When you wake up at the wrong side of your bed, don’t think about the reason why you were born. It may seem like a good thing to do but it will filter towards you and leave you with negative emotions and hopelessness. Someone may then ask, when is the right time to think about your problems? When you have properly dealt with your anxiety about the problems.

    Going over and over allll your problems will not help you, it will not heal you, it will not even get anything fixed. It is just a pity-party.

    If you want to talk about your problems, make sure the person listening is a person with hope; someone who will make up for your hopelessness. Don’t also think you always need someone to talk to. Once you get attached to that thinking and no one is ready to listen, it will add insult to your injury. Know when to deal with your personal issues personally. Know when to invite a 3rd party. Either ways, God is willing to talk about it with you. Yes He already knows but He wants to hear you pour your heart out to Him. He is closer to the brokenhearted. Just like David the psalmist, we are looking within ourselves on this day and telling our soul, “Hope in God”. Remain hopeful and praise God, for He is your God and your Help. Amen

    Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, My Help and My God.
    Psalm 42:11

    I love you ❤

  • Distractions: Social Media, Abstinence & the Secret of Addiction

    Who doesn’t know what to do to achieve good results? Who doesn’t know that salad is healthier than chocolate candy? In the Information Age, there’s barely any excuse for not knowing. Everything is basically one Google search away. What is common is learnt ignorance, where we choose to not know because we don’t what to know. Perhaps, the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Many are afraid of checking their health status. Others are afraid of checking their school marks while others are afraid of checking their bank account balance.

    It does start from the little things where we are afraid of checking the remainder of our data bundle. This is one of the biggest fuels of inconsistency, deviation and wastage; not checking on your own progress though you feel that urge that you’ve deviated from your initial agenda. Also, not verifying though you are unsure and choosing to do the bare minimum with the pretense that you didn’t know the requirements.

    We are all know what is right. It doesn’t guarantee that we will do what is right. What we lack is the ability to follow through till we achieve the desired results. In other words, we are lacking the ability to avoid distractions. Life is not just about doing the right things. It’s also about not doing the wrong things. Have you ever been fully motivated to sit down and work hard till you achieve a certain goal, only for you to be stuck on your phone 45 minutes later, scrolling through social media. You come back to your task and all that energy is gone. What is left is just boredom, demotivation and reluctance.

    From one perspective, we live in a world full of distractions. Every product, lifestyle, fashion, accessory, software, tool, mechanism is designed to catch your attention. Everything you see, hear, feel, taste and smell takes a portion of your attention and craves for more of it till you crave for more of that thing. Technology is no different. It was designed to be persuasive and pervasive. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have synced into our way of life that fast. Every new invention and every virtual software is backed by research in human psycnology and is scientifically designed to “distract” you. That means it is easier today than it was yesterday to get distracted.

    Does that mean technology is bad? Is technology hijacking our brains? Is it getting everyone synced in a virutal reality that is so addictive and unhealthy? I am no conspiracy theorist. It is scientifically untrue that technology is a distraction because everything is potentially distracting and addictive. In fact, anything that solves pain is potentially addictive. Yes, some people do become addicted to technology as a defensive mechanism against their own lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-image.

    After all, it is easier to tweet your ideas to a million people than to stand in front of a million people to convey the same idea. So is technology; video games, social media etc. ruining our children? The idea of thinking technology is a distraction for our generation is in itself a distraction. It is distracting us from the potential prowess of exploration and creativity that comes with technology. You are using social media to convey the idea of social media ruining this generation. Think about it!

    So how do we stop getting distracted? One thing people do a lot but it never really works is strict abstinence. They say to themselves, “I’m never going to do that ever again”. They say it with all sincerity but fail over and over again. This is because strict abstinence is like pulling out a rubber band. It’s only a matter of time until all that tension is released and it ricochets even further than where it started. In order words, people who opt for strict abstinence end up doing worse. If you keep telling yourself not to do something, you build up a lot of pressure to actually do it. Why? Because that sensation of relieving the discomfort of telling yourself not to, is itself pleasurable. I just told you the secret of addiction.

    This is why people smoke. This is why people masturbate though they hate themselves for doing it. This is why people swear they will never drink again but still do though the drink is actually very bitter. It is not the only reason why they richochetted to the old behaviour but it is the commonest. Once you keep telling yourself, “don’t do it! don’t do it! don’t do it!”, doing it relieves you of the discomfort. Neurologically speaking, we all do things to avoid discomfort, remember? Strict abstinence will always backfire. This is because we are wiring our neurocircuitry to expect a pleasurable sensation whenever we relieve ourselves of the discomfort we impose on ourselves. Thus, it becomes a cycle.

    Bottom line: the biggest cause of all distraction is the instinctive nature within to avoid discomfort at all cost. It takes zero effort to live in your comfort zone. Wishes are free so everyone wishes for all the good things in life. However, nothing essential comes on a silver platter. The conquest belongs to the doers. To be consistent, to be revolutionary, to be relentless, to be determined, takes a lot of guts; Not just to want to do something special, achieve something extraordinary, or become someone great. No! It goes beyond that. In order to conquer the world, you need to conquer yourself. The biggest part of conquering yourself is denying yourself of the pleasure of distractions and the need to avoid discomfort. I love you ❤️

  • Falling in Love: How Our Emotions Can Deceive Us

    Falling in Love: How Our Emotions Can Deceive Us

    Emotions are chemical reactions in our body. When you “feel for someone”, that’s an emotional chemical reaction. The problem with emotions is that it changes every 5 seconds. Chemicals are never stable. Love is not emotions. Love is more of a knowing than a feeling. Of course, love can be felt but the feelings of love ought to be the fruit – not the root – of love.

    It takes 8.2 seconds for a guy to fall in love. The average guy has had a crush on dozens of girls. Some he has never met, some he seldom meets, some he often meets, some are twice his age, some are celebrities, some are even married. Some he had a crush on for many years, some just months, some a few days. This is totally natural. So if a guy is obsessed with you, ladies it is nothing new.

    Love is not blind.
    Research has shown that if you have a crush on someone, your brain overlooks their flaws and they tend to appear “perfect”. This seem to look like love but isn’t. Love is intentional not accidental.

    There are two reasons why we have a crush on someone;

    1. Because we seldom meet the person. Thus, the person appears perfect anytime we see them. We crush on them because we desire to have them with us.

    2. Because we always see them. They are usually around so we get intimate. We crush on them because we fear losing them. We have come to understand them and they have become a part of us.

    Reason 1 is responsible for most of the crushes we usually have. We usually have strong unexplainable connections with people we least expect. This is as a result of them being a projection of something we like and/or desire to have in us or with us that we see in them. When we crush on them, we usually want to get to know them more because we really don’t.

    Reason 2 is responsible for shifting the paradigm into a love relationship something that once started as mere friendship. We’d rather spend the rest of our lives with someone we have known and trusted and have come to realise that we’ve fallen in love with than with another who enchants us with their mystery. It is called the mere exposure effect.

    They say, “when you fall in love with two people, choose the second one because if you were in love with the first, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the second“. That is not necessarily true. You can even love two opposites simultaneously, how much more two people. Once you like someone, there’s a potential of falling in love with them. Sticking to one is not something that comes automatically with love. It is a conscious decision one has to make. Even with that, being in love with someone has never stopped anyone from loving other people. Love is commitment.

    How long a crush lasts is no justification for its authenticity.

    Someone can have a crush on you for years and you may feel the need to reward their persistence. That is pity-love. That will surely not last and may end in a bad fashion. Love is mutual.

    What then do you do when you have a crush on someone you want to have something special and serious with? Cultivate it. Love suffers at high speeds. Love is patient. Once you begin to develop feelings for someone, you are careful not to mess it up. It can easily turn to lust when it is directed in the sexual path rather than being on the empathic path. Get to experientially know the person and understand the different dimensions of the person; intellectually, mentally, spiritually. In this way, the heart, head and hand can fully connect on a whole different level with your crush. Now there’s not only a crush, there’s a bond.

    I love you ❤

  • Be More Engaged & Less Attached: Living Rent-free from Negative Attachments

    Be More Engaged & Less Attached: Living Rent-free from Negative Attachments

    The more attached you are to someone or something, the more expectations you have for him/her/it. You’d expect a reciprocation of every affection and effort. Do good to others, not so they will reciprocate it, but because YOU want to do good. Love someone, not so that they will love you back, but because YOU choose to love the person. More people are broken, not just because they chose to love someone, but because they expected similar reciprocation. The easiest way to rid yourself of such expectations is to break such attachments.

    In the local sense of the word, attachment signifies a complete reliance on an entity such that the end of that entity is doom on your part as well. Consider an attachment to a firm; the firm takes advantage of your expertise and at the end of the day, chooses to pay you whatever amount they deem appropriate. They may choose not to even pay you. After all, the firm existed without you and will definitely flourish without you. You need them, they don’t. They can therefore use your need for them to their advantage. I may seem to be exaggerating but at least you get the picture.

    Goodness cannot be taken advantage of. It is insecurities that people take advantage of, and such insecurities mean you’ll forever be a slave to what you’ve wrongly attached yourself to.

    The irony of it is, the very thing you have made your life is what is causing you death if you fall into such a trap. Who have you fallen so much in love with? What have you become so vulnerable to? What has charmed you? Has it made you so blind and desperate that it is slowly eating you up? Is it worth fighting for or you’re just being insecure? Instead of fighting all signs, why don’t you just face your fears?

    Engage yourself. Engagement is balance. The value given is the value received. It is togetherness so strong that it’s tantamount to oneness. There is a coming together. Working together. A sharing. No one-way traffic. It’s a win-win situation. None is thinking about taking advantage, rather giving honour. There’s no strife. No insecurities that the other isn’t reciprocating similar effort. Each other’s weaknesses are made up for. Each other’s keeper indeed. When one is separated by distance, misunderstanding or even the vicissitudes of life, the other doesn’t suffocate. A tear is shed and life moves on.

    When someone or something gets in the way of such engagement, especially one of importance, necessity and/or mutuality, it is not viewed as one coming to compete with the relationship, whether it’s family or close friends. Because in engagement, we are not slaves to ourselves. We are not entangled, we are connected. Each entity is self-reliant and interdependent. This is the kind of relationship we ought to have with one another, with the environment, and with the universe.

    Be more engaged and less attached

  • Fear: A Good Servant or A Bad Master?

    Fear: A Good Servant or A Bad Master?

    “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”
    2 Timothy 1:7

    One thing that has a force equal to passion and yet as sublime as insecurities is fear. No matter how intelligent you are; no matter how popular you are; no matter how religious you are; if you don’t know how to deal with your fear, your fear will know how to deal with you. Fear is as personal as our interests. My fears are unique and so are yours. In fact, my fears are so unique that defines where my interests lies, shapes what my beliefs are and influences how I see myself.

    Yes. Fear can be self-imposed, inherited or even adopted, but there’s a fear within us that is a tangible part of us. As humans, it is proven that we are born with two types of phobias; fear of loud noises – that explains why children cover their ears so hard when they anticipate a loud noise – and the fear of falling, and that all other phobias are learnt. Yet there’s a fear within us that is a tangible part of us.

    Isn’t it amazing that a child can play with a sharp knife or can crawl straight into an exposed fire? Perhaps, it’s amazing but it’s definitely stupid. That’s why fear exists. Fear is a natural instinct meant to protect us from harm. When there’s an unidentified danger, everyone in the right frame of mind would first of all run in the opposite direction. Fear is the guard of your life. The easiest way to foolishly die is to be fearless.

    Take a minute to think about the many times the fear within you saved your life. It kept you from passing that dark alley. It stopped you from picking that taxi. It made you stay instead of being in a hurry to leave. It made you leave hurriedly instead of staying. We ought to be grateful to our innate fear. It cautioned us without reason or explanation. This is certainly not what you thought I’d say about fear. Contrary to popular belief, fearlessness is more dangerous and stupider than innate fear.

    So did God actually give us a spirit of fear? Good question. Imagine you standing by your mom, all smiley and all. Now imagine you being kidnapped right in front of your mom. Does she look afraid? Of course. What’s the point? Fear is a good servant but a bad master. Love should be the master and let fear serve you. When fear is made the master, it distorts your reality, darkens your perspective, shatters your dreams, downgrades your abilities, lowers your self-esteem and weakens your confidence.

    In other words, it basically plays it safe. Safe Mode. Fear being the master is overprotective. It will keep you from trying out new things, stepping into new territories and having new experiences. Fear as a master makes you a slave, keeps reminding you of your failures so that you don’t dare to try again. Fear usually makes us think we have no choice. Fear wants to control everything. Fear is more interested in you surviving than living.

    “What if you take risk and it puts your life at risk? You can’t do it so don’t even try. What if you fail? What if you succeed and you cannot keep up with the pressure?”.
    A life ruled by fear is a life filled with unnecessary precautions and no actions.

    NB: When your fear poses questions of life that needs solid answers to you, then your fear is your servant. When your fear does not allow you to even think of questioning the status quo even when you know something must be wrong, then fear has been made a master. Innate fear does not put in bondage; it protects you from unknown bondage. When fear is put in charge, you become a slave of yourself, a slave to a reality that does not even exist. It’s all in your head.

    So then, what do I do with my fear? Use it. Pay attention to what your fear is paying attention to. Fear is an insignia. Once you have tackled why you fear, what you fear loses its relevance. The more you ignore your fears, the more persistent it becomes in drawing your attention to the problem. Fear is the stop sign in our lives. It is always disapproving, preventing and avoiding. So never think there will be no fear. Fear will faithfully serve you as long as you live. Just make sure you don’t make fear your master.

    When Love leads, there is no timidity. Love deposits the power of choice right within you. Love makes us responsible for our choices. Love is freedom. Love gives us a sense of peace and clarity. Love makes us accept what we can’t control and govern what we can control. Love does not control fear. Love governs fear.

    I love you ❤

  • Choosing to Stay Pure in a Sexually Immoral World

    “If God didn’t want us to have sex before marriage, He would have given us our sexual organs on our wedding days”, says the fool who refuses to think deep. No boss will pay you a salary on the first day of employment. No tree will bear fruit on the first day of planting. Besides, people in ancient times used to be given in marriage soon after their puberty was discovered. The point is, no one is stopping you from enjoying sexual pleasure. God is rather preventing you from tremendous destruction.

    With great freedom comes less safety. Thus, the need to keep sexual pleasure within the safety of a commitment. If you’ve been involved in sexual immorality of any form before, you’d realize it has a really high addictive power. You can get addicted to porn for the majority of your life, fornicate every weekend, masturbate when the opportunity presents itself and lust continuously after someone almost every day. In fact, it is the highest sin one can commit (because it is a sin against your own body: 1 Cor 6:18) and the one that can permanently destroy your life the most.

    Yet, let’s not give it all the credit. It is not the most powerful force in the world. It is not the strongest drive. It’s not even the most addictive. Evil always looks like the winner when compared to good. That’s why I like what 1 Peter 1:14 says. Some versions use the word “ignorant”. We were ignorant. That’s why we kept going back. We thought the edge is too strong. That’s why we give in to it all the time. We didn’t know any better.

    So how do we live above that? It’s simple, not easy. We need to live as God’s obedient children. God will never lead us into temptation. If we find ourselves in one, His Voice will be loud and clear on what we must do. See it this way; it is more difficult to hear God’s Voice and still disobey. For His Voice will keep ringing in our minds and hearts to flee, to stop, to not venture, to expose the darkness, to unhide the secret sinful life. For no sexual sin can exist in Light.

    If you have never indulged in one form of sexual immorality like say, fornication, don’t fancy those who do. Don’t judge them either. In a few years to come, you can find yourself in a similar situation as theirs, if not even worse. If you have made up your mind to keep yourself until marriage, keep that mindset intact. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Don’t let anyone belittle your virginity to you. Even rags have value, how much more wedding dresses.

    If you have dirtied yourself before and you feel devalued, get up from the mud and keep going. It’s not the end of the journey. This may not sound encouraging but there are far worse temptations awaiting you. There are bigger mountains to climb. Don’t let this hill look like it’s the end of the road. If you don’t even care anymore because you’ve gone too far and you’ve been in too deep, I’m here to tell you that it’s not too late. The prodigal son was competing with pigs to eat but the day He returned, His Father gave him the best robe, put a ring on his finger and got sandals on his feet. These three things represent his royalty, authority and dignity. In just one day, he was completely restored and he never went back.

    This post is for you. It is exactly what you need to hear right now. There is still hope. Grace is still available. There is still enough power, to stay pure in a sexually immoral world. I love you ❤️