Category: Communication

Speaking the Truth in Love

But speaking the truth in love may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Ephesians 4:15 KJV

The only thing deeper than truth is love. Love and truth are the most misunderstood, most controversial, most misinterpreted yet the most needful. There can be differences between anything and everything because of truth. In the same vein, there can be similarities between anything and everything because of love. Both are the web that ties and chains all things as unending and complex as the universe itself. Both are the most unknown, yet the most searched for.

There is a difference between speaking the truth in love and loving to speak the truth. People normally offend others with their words and justify themselves by saying, “but that’s the truth”. The truth is never meant to hurt but heal. Disappointment hurts but Hope restores. That’s the Truth. There is difference between the Truth, and the emotions in which the truth is expressed. Hear me well! So if something is true and you say it in a rude way, you have communicated the truth in death. Don’t use the truth to hurt. Stop expressing the Truth in envy, bitterness, anger, jealousy etc. The only right way to communicate truth is in love.

Speaking the truth in love is not the extreme too, where the truth is sugarcoated and made to lose its essence. That dilutes the truth into lies. You cannot love someone more than God. Godly sorrow leads to repentance. What we are saying is, communicate the truth with your mouth from a heart of love. There’s a place of pure genuine integrity where the truth expresses itself perfectly in Love. That place is Abba’s heart. In fact, that’s where all people are; in Abba’s heart.

Love is the Ultimate truth. It is the beginning and the end. It is both the source and the focus of truth. Therefore, truth outside of love ceases to be truth. Just like everything else in the natural order, truth has boundaries, not limitations. The boundary of truth is love. Love is what protects the cell structure of truth. Love is truth. If there was no love, there wouldn’t be a need for truth.

When someone who speaks the Truth in Love speaks, everyone always loves to listen. Not because there is a showoff of wisdom, but because there is this Love we can all connect to. That is what Abba Father created all things to be. Everything that has breath gives life. Life is not only given in sexual reproduction, but in other forms of production and reproduction, especially in our words.

The Wise Man says;
What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.
Proverbs 18:21 GNB

Whenever you hear something doctrinal and it puts you in fear and shame or it grips you like a force of bondage, then you didn’t hear the truth. The Truth ALWAYS liberates you. It sets you free from your own thinking; your own limits; your own restraint.

When you hang around people who are broken, our compassion makes us feel and understand what they think, but that doesn’t mean that we should take up their mindset. Compassion becomes perversion when we reduce our convictions to embrace the crooked. Christianity is not a calling into isolation, where we isolate ourselves entirely from people due to their negativities; poor, broken, rude, hot-tempered, gay, bully, or naughty. Christianity is not compromise of convictions either.

If no isolation at one extreme, then no compromise at other extreme either. People hang out with the poor and then develop a negative attitude against the rich. Pastors accept everyone for who they are, even homosexuals, and then develop a theology that supports homosexuality. How are you bringing light when you become darkness?

Hanging out with people who don’t believe in godly values doesn’t mean we have to take up their conviction. It is wrong to avoid gays because you’re the help from God they need. But it is equally wrong when we try to defend their stance as though it is right. That is NOT compassion. That is compromise.

You don’t have to change your convictions to love a homosexual. You’re not even helping the homosexual when you change your convictions. Jesus had great compassion for the lady who committed adultery and was about to be stoned. Jesus didn’t condemn her. Neither did He support her. Love is NOT Incompassionate compromise. Love is uncompromising Compassion.

The Truth always operates in Love. Truth spoken outside Love breeds fear. Fear breeds slaves and self-righteous hubris. Truth spoken in Love breeds freedom and hope. Freedom breeds joy and peace.

Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:6 ICB

Just as I have spoken the Truth in Love to you, may your every word produce and preserve life all around you. I love you ♥

July 12, 2026
Participating in the Perpetual Partnership in Prayer

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.”
John 15:7 NKJV

Prayer is most essentially the Godhead communicating with Himself in union with us. We pray with the help of the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus to the Father. The Holy Spirit makes intercession for us according to the Will of God (Romans 8:27). Jesus said the Holy Spirit will remind us of God’s Word. That means God wants to exercise His authority through us.

Jesus has granted access to ask the Father whatever we wish for. The Father always grants the wishes of His Son. That’s why we pray in His Name. That’s His authority. But prayer is not only praying in His Name, it’s also praying His Word. We pray God’s Word in God’s Name to God as God’s way of involving us in God’s Will for us. We are partakers of the divine nature.

God’s Spirit dwells in you. God’s Word abides in you. What is more intimate than this? You in Christ and Christ in you. The indwelling of not just God’s Spirit but also God’s Word. This is what changes our lives forever. The Spirit of the Word is the Word of the Spirit. The Spirit and the Word work hand in hand and are One (1 John 5:7). God not only wants us to be One with Him in Spirit, but also one in Word, where His Word is our words. 2 Corinthians 4:13 says, “And since we have the same Spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak”.

Since we have the same Spirit, we can also speak according to the same Word. That’s the only way all our prayers are answered. It’s when you’re so intertwined with God’s Spirit that He speaks His Word through you to Him and He fulfills His Word to you through Him. Thus, even in a prayer of request, we get to participate in the eternal communion that exists in the Godhead.

It’s that place of intimacy where you’re so full of God’s Spirit and God’s Word that your wishes and desires are His wishes and desires. And when you pray God’s own Word to Him, God answers because He always fulfills His own Word.

February 22, 2026
How To Understand Women

Life without females would be a pain in the ass, literally! Though they make situations a bit more difficult than they’re supposed to be, they make life much more interesting than it would have been. They add a little more extra everywhere. They may be a little more extreme but definitely quite distinct and super amazing. To be very honest, understanding them is a hoax but hey, at least I made an effort – like the gazillion number of men before me who successfully failed to crack the code.

Women love attention

We each have the desire to be loved and accepted. Abraham Maslow recognized this in his Pyramid of needs and identified it as a social need. No matter who you are, you belong to something. Women do have a strong sense of belonging. Though not every lady wants to be in the spotlight, they would love to have your attention provided you treat them right. The more you make them feel special – like they are the centre of the universe, like there is no other person but them – the more they’d love your company.

Women care 1000% about diction

They say, “Men are moved by what they see, but women are moved by what they hear.” There is an iota of truth in that. No matter how a lady likes you, she’d still want you to initiate; you’d still have to “sweet talk” with her; you’d still have to treat her right. Whether the lady will become offended or feel the love, it all depends on your choice of words. Once you make the wrong choice of word in a conversation, she’d expect that you apologize. She may even understand what you’re trying to say, but you’d still have to say it.

Women love to be right

Women are very intuitive. They listen to their intuition more than men do. Sometimes they just know that something is wrong beyond all reasonable doubt. Women may not always be right, but they are never wrong. She has all the right in the world to tell you that they tried to tell you yet you wouldn’t listen, but don’t dare try to tell her that. A wise man once said, “As a man, when you’re wrong, apologize; when you’re right, shut up.” A man who loves to always be right is seen by women as proud and egotistic. A woman who loves to be always right is simply being a woman.

Women are empathic

No matter how hard a woman becomes, she still has a soft spot. Of course, at the beginning she may a very nut to crack but spending time with her alone softens her heart towards you. The average lady is very emotional. Funny enough, if a guy had the same amount of mood swings a lady had in a single day, he’d be seen as psychopathic and may be on medication for having split personality disorders. When offended, she doesn’t get pissed, she gets mad. The psychophysiology of males and females are distinct. Women have a different kind of logic. When you talk to her, she listens to what is not being said. That’s why good mothers are good listeners.

Women know what they DON’T want but may not know what they want

There is nothing that two people in love cannot do except – of course – deciding where to eat. In a relationship, barely would a woman make the vital decisions.

She’d tell you what to do, but if it fails she’d blame you because you took the decision. Women seldom know what they want yet they may complain bitterly about what they have.

Whether it’s a house design or sex life, they’d express how they dislike the current state and then expect you to know what to do. They have a strong desire for what they want. When they see what they want, they’d know. Confused? Don’t worry. Women themselves know it’s confusing because they don’t even understand themselves. How can you know what you don’t want and still not know what you really want?

What exactly do they want? That is a puzzle that the guy has to solve.

Ladies, is this true? Guys, do you agree with me? Let’s see your comments. Will deffo have to continue with this. Hope you enjoyed it! Don’t forget to like and share. By the way, this is all meant to be fun. Please don’t be mad at me, O woman in thine period. I know all these doesn’t necessarily apply to all women, of course! Please don’t insult me. Thanks 😂

I love you

May 20, 2023
Transparency vs Honesty II

Understanding “understanding” is knowing the similarities between two seemingly dissimilar word meanings. The opposite is equally true. There is such an in-depth understanding and enlightenment when we realize the difference between two words with similar meanings. Inasmuch as it’s important to know how honesty and transparency must co-exist in our relationships, in some context these words take sides and it becomes very important to choose one over the other. Let’s dive in.

What does it really mean to be transparent?

Transparency is spilling out what someone will need to know about you – because it directly concerns them – without being asked to, so as to let them know what they are getting their heads into.

The closer we are to someone, the more open we are to them. Very close yet very open. That is what transparency is really about. The difficulty that comes with Transparency is knowing what to keep private and for how long it should remain private

As to what to keep private;

Our level of relationship with someone determines what they have earned the right to know. They may never ask because they may have no clue. There are many things we keep to ourselves, where no one deserves to know because it doesn’t affect them directly. But once you’re sharing your life with someone else other than you, those things will eventually be exposed. The more vulnerable we are, the more we expose what we are.

Letting them know beforehand creates a bond of trust right at the start. You are saying I’m worthy of being in your circle because you have exposed something to me that not just anybody can know. Hiding it from them and they later finding out creates a bond of distrust. The longer the relationship has been and the longer you’ve kept it a secret, the stronger the bond of distrust.

As to how long it should remain private;

Being an introvert myself, I find it really weird when I get to know someone for a short while and they trust me with such vital information about themselves. In my mind, I’m like, “TMI..TMI”. This is the principle; start from the known to the unknown. There are things someone can easily get to know about you by asking a few friends, studying the way you go about things and checking out your profile online. Start from there. Allow the other person to earn the right to know certain not-so-obvious stuff. Don’t be an open book.

When the mutual interest to get to know each other is identified, begin to tell them things only a few would know as time goes by. When it dawns on you that they should probably get to know something about you, tell them right away. Trust your intuition! It tells you what to share when to share it and to the degree it should be shared at a time.

This is where the line between Transparency and Honesty is drawn. Honesty is telling the truth when I’m asked. Transparency is telling the truth because it deserves to be known. Honesty comes with a condition; you have to ask first. Transparency requires no permission. It is necessary to be honest and much more important to be transparent. Once I’m not questioned, there’s no accountability for my honesty or dishonesty.

If you have a medical condition, it’s important that your new friend gets to know at the early stages. If you’re single-divorced, your new catch might wanna know. And if you skipped to read only the last paragraph, I might wanna know lol.

I love you ❤️

August 27, 2022
Honesty vs Transparency

In many contexts, Honesty and Transparency could mean the same thing. They can be used interchangeably in a given linguistic context and they certainly do share many similarities. To me, a resounding principle strongly holds in the English Language; if two words are dissimilar in syntax, they can also be dissimilar in semantics. Therefore, as long as Transparency and Honesty are two different words, they can have two distinct meanings. Context is all that matters.

What does it really mean to be honest?

In a relationship, honesty is definitely one of the most important virtues to look out for. There’s nothing more frustrating than someone who keeps lying to you. Constant lying brings about distrust, suspicions and frustrations. Surely, if you can’t trust me enough to tell me the truth, it’s a big red flag.

Being honest is being true and sincere to yourself first about what you really think you are. It has nothing to do with being right. I can be sincere in expressing my thoughts and still be factually wrong. Being honest is really about facing reality – when we are being honest with others, – and being vulnerable enough to open up our way of thinking to others in a more appropriate way. There’s a way of expressing ourselves without downplaying the essence of what we want to say and still tactfully presenting it in the best way to avoid unnecessary drama.

Appropriate way? Unnecessary drama, huh? Let’s talk more about that; honesty is not an emotion. It’s a virtue. Yet in every expression lies an emotion. That’s what emotions basically are; expressions. Therefore, with honesty comes an accompanying expression. In other words, you can be impolite and honest at the same time. You can be angry and honest at the same time.

it is possible to be calm and honest at the same time. You can be nervous, grieved, happy, depressed, relaxed, compassionate – to mention but a few – and honest at the same time.

How can honesty be best expressed?

There’s a way to express your honesty without hurting someone intentionally. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear because of the kind of emotion it was expressed in. Not only that. Sometimes the truth is hard to tell because we don’t know what emotion to express it in. Obviously, it’s very difficult to be honest and not be offensive or hurtful, but we shouldn’t express offensive and hurtful emotions and think our honesty will make up for it.

I know situations get more complicated but this is my principle; don’t try NOT to offend anyone. It’s pathetic. Someone will definitely get offended for their own self-projected reasons. On the other hand, don’t try to intentionally offend someone. Comedians say some of the worst things we would have found angering in another context but we rather found it hilarious and had a good laugh about it.

Is Honesty meant to offend?

Let Honesty do the offending rather than offending someone and trying to let your honesty make up for it. For instance, you may tell me that my posts are boring. You were being honest but I became offended. That’s great! In the same instance, if you try to insult my posts just to offend me, that isn’t honesty. That is subtle hostility. Sir Isaac Newton said it better, “Tact is making a point without making an enemy.”

In the next piece, let’s talk about transparency and what it really means. Don’t forget to like and share.

I love you ❤️

August 20, 2022
Why You Should Listen More

Why should you listen twice as much as you speak; because you have two ears and one mouth? Perhaps, so. This is what my intuition taught me;

When you speak, you only consolidate what you already know. But when you listen, you receive something new.

Whether it’s just an opinion, an idea, a view, perspective or fact, truth, knowledge, experience, insight, we always learn something new when we listen. The Bible says, “at the mouth of two or three witnesses, a fact is established.” (Matt 18:16, 2 Cor 13:1, Deut 19:15). That means even if you’re listening to what you already know, you establish it. And who doesn’t love confirmation?

The more you speak, the more you expose your ignorance.

When you speak for long, instead of expressing your knowledge, you rather expose your ignorance. The Bible says, “the more you talk, the more likely you are to sin. If you’re wise, you will keep quiet.” (Prov 10:19). That is not to say that keep your ignorance to yourself. But when you bubble on and on, everybody tends to naturally lose interest in what you’re saying. That is a good sign that you should probably stop there. Communication involves listening to each other. So sometimes, ask your statements in question form and you would learn something new.

Listening is the foundation of connection.

Have you ever stopped to listen to birds tweet? Do you remember how you became friends with so-and-so person? Have you ever fallen in love with a song so much that you play it over and over? The underlying question is, how did you connect? By listening. And the more you listened effortlessly with the ears of your heart, the more you connected. This is because when we listen, we become vulnerable enough for the heart to connect directly.

Listen to the sermon. Listen to your parents. Listen to your tutors. Listen to nature. Listen to good music. Listen to trusted friends. Listen to yourself. Listen to God. And by doing so, you not only learn something knew, you connect. This is true humanity; A childlike vulnerability that make us connect with our inner self, humanity, nature, and the divine. See how listening is such a sweet loving and important thing in our humanity. Remember; be quick to listen and slow to speak.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19 NIV

I love you ❤

May 7, 2022
5 Things About People Who Complain All the Time

Day-in-day-out, whenever I listen to random conversations of people and analyse them, I do realize that more than half is full of complains. People are always complaining. Complaining so much they barely notice that they are always complaining. Nagging. Criticizing. Complaining. Blaming. Gossiping. 24/7. Barely can you go a moment without talking to them and hearing them complain about something or someone.

Here is a list of things I have noticed about people who complain a lot;

1. Backbiting

This I know for a fact; people who gossip with you gossip about you. People who complain about others to you also complain about you to others. Don’t be happy to be hearing them rant about what someone else did or didn’t do. One day, it will be you.

2. Fault-finding

Another thing I’ve realised. People who have the habit of complaining have a fault-finding ability. They can detect fault where there was none. They can conjure something to blame. It will amaze you. “I don’t like the weather in this area at all. What is this? It must be the government o. Instead of them building hospitals in these remote areas so that the sick can be attended to, they have left them and now the sick people have coughed so much and ruined this beautiful weather”. Complainers are expert-conjurists.

3. Blaming

People who complain all the time blame everyone and everything else except them. It’s the weather. The education system. The education minister. The government. The trotro drivers. The contractors. The road. The children of today. The TV adverts. The so-called Christians. The religious people. However, when they fall short in their actions or inactions, they give excuses by blaming other things or other people. It’s the weather. The education system. The education minister. The government. Such people are never to blame, even for their own decisions. Immediately they blame themselves, they will quickly switch up and blame someone or something else.

4. Over-simplifying

People who complain oversimplify solutions. Since no one is doing it right and everyone is to blame except them, it only makes sense that they alone have the right and simple solution. “Oh it’s just a matter of destroying all guns in the world. So simple.” “What they have to do is sack all the government officials. Everybody. They should sack everyone and re-elect new ones”. “We should ban all makeup kits. Children of today are looking like descendants of Jezebel. The ports should ban all makeup kits. That’s all!”.

5. Nagging

People who complain a lot think it is right to complain a lot. Some ladies have an archaic mindset that as a lady, they need to nag. If they don’t complain about what you do, it means they don’t care about you anymore. Solomon said it twice that it is better to be alone – sleep on the rooftop, live in the desert – than to live with a nagging wife. If there’s an issue, there’s a way to address it -diplomatically. There’s a way to discuss the problem with the person without making the person the problem. Nobody likes to feel like the problem.

It’s not wrong to complain. It’s not necessarily right to complain either. It’s definitely annoying to complain all the time. Barely is any problem solved by complaining. In most cases, it only triggers negative feelings between the complainer and the person being blamed.

Yes, complains have its place and there’s a way to go about it. However, if you’re gaining the attitude of a complainer; always backbiting, fault-finding, blaming, over-simplifying solutions and nagging, then you’re not helping anybody. So before you complain, ask yourself, “what am I trying to achieve?”.

January 22, 2022
Why Do We Argue A Lot? Understanding Arguments In a Relationship

Every relationship begins on a “honeymoon” phase. The feelings are so heightened and the love for each other is so heartfelt that we tend to overlook our partner’s flaws. Every shortcoming is taken lightly. Any misunderstanding that shoots up is swiftly swept under the carpet by reminding ourselves of how madly in love we are with each other. Yet as time goes by, friction starts to come into play. We all are never perfect so our flaws, mishaps and insecurities are soon exposed in our relationships. That’s because now there are two of us sharing our lives together. Surely that doesn’t justify why we should argue all the time. That should rather justify why we should deal with our personal problems together as a couple. So then, why are we still arguing?

We argue;

1. ’cause we wanna be right

It’s such a bad feeling to feel wrong. So whenever an issue comes up, we wanna justify our actions. We are so busy trying to make a point that we forget that our significant other is coming from a place of love. What makes the argument difficult the more is when we’re trying to convince ourselves that we indeed did the right thing. Because indeed we are not convincing our partner; we are trying to convince ourselves by justifying the right in our wrong. We don’t want to look like the one in the relationship always making the silly mistakes. This leads us to the second point which is closely tied;

2. ’cause we wanna prove that the other is wrong

If there’s something more difficult than trying to convince someone that we’re right, it’s trying to convince them that they’re wrong. In doing this, we are projecting something wrong on them. Since no one is perfect, we’re definitely going to find something to point out. If nothing really comes to mind at the time, we’d make something up. That’s why we as couples should never store any dislike for our partner in our minds. If there are any dislikes that we happen to come across, we should immediately point it out. Nothing hurts more than your lover pointing out all their dislikes about you that you initially didn’t know they disliked in one argument.

3. ’cause we feel attacked so we get defensive

All living things have adaptive features that protect them against harm in the environment. As humans that are evolving, we still have that defensive mechanism. Thus, we’d defend ourselves against what is trying to degrade our mental state of being in any way. The argument is a mental fight. Winning it boosts our ego. Losing it is mentally disturbing. What do we do when we realise we’re losing? We get defensive. We talk about how good and supportive we’ve been to our partner in the past. We remind them of our sacrifices. As a way of working on their soft spot, we try to convince them that we’re not that bad. Though it sounds like a good thing, it is actually unnecessary to do so when all the other partner needs is a sincere apology.

4. ’cause we attack as a means of being defensive

The best way to defend is to attack. When one is attacking, the other has to defend. Sometimes, that’s not really the case. We rather counter-attack. As our partner is listing our flaws and how we need to put our shit together, we decide not to go down so easily. We dirty ourselves in the mud. We also list all their flaws and shortcomings and exaggerate on how bad it is. Counter-attacking means my voice should be louder than yours. The emotional trauma alone of being shouted upon is disheartening. It never stops ringing in your ears. When the same point is repeated over and over, that adds insult to injury. This is because it really gets into our minds at the end of the day.

We should always remember that there’s a difference between having a misunderstanding and arguing. Misunderstandings will always arise because we are not all the same. We must make sure that we don’t argue when there’s a misunderstanding. Arguing is basically stress. No one should sincerely have the energy to argue all the time. After all, what do you want at the end of the day; to win the argument or to enjoy your relationship?

I love you ❤

July 3, 2021
Be More Engaged & Less Attached: Living Rent-free from Negative Attachments

The more attached you are to someone or something, the more expectations you have for him/her/it. You’d expect a reciprocation of every affection and effort. Do good to others, not so they will reciprocate it, but because YOU want to do good. Love someone, not so that they will love you back, but because YOU choose to love the person. More people are broken, not just because they chose to love someone, but because they expected similar reciprocation. The easiest way to rid yourself of such expectations is to break such attachments.

In the local sense of the word, attachment signifies a complete reliance on an entity such that the end of that entity is doom on your part as well. Consider an attachment to a firm; the firm takes advantage of your expertise and at the end of the day, chooses to pay you whatever amount they deem appropriate. They may choose not to even pay you. After all, the firm existed without you and will definitely flourish without you. You need them, they don’t. They can therefore use your need for them to their advantage. I may seem to be exaggerating but at least you get the picture.

Goodness cannot be taken advantage of. It is insecurities that people take advantage of, and such insecurities mean you’ll forever be a slave to what you’ve wrongly attached yourself to.

The irony of it is, the very thing you have made your life is what is causing you death if you fall into such a trap. Who have you fallen so much in love with? What have you become so vulnerable to? What has charmed you? Has it made you so blind and desperate that it is slowly eating you up? Is it worth fighting for or you’re just being insecure? Instead of fighting all signs, why don’t you just face your fears?

Engage yourself. Engagement is balance. The value given is the value received. It is togetherness so strong that it’s tantamount to oneness. There is a coming together. Working together. A sharing. No one-way traffic. It’s a win-win situation. None is thinking about taking advantage, rather giving honour. There’s no strife. No insecurities that the other isn’t reciprocating similar effort. Each other’s weaknesses are made up for. Each other’s keeper indeed. When one is separated by distance, misunderstanding or even the vicissitudes of life, the other doesn’t suffocate. A tear is shed and life moves on.

When someone or something gets in the way of such engagement, especially one of importance, necessity and/or mutuality, it is not viewed as one coming to compete with the relationship, whether it’s family or close friends. Because in engagement, we are not slaves to ourselves. We are not entangled, we are connected. Each entity is self-reliant and interdependent. This is the kind of relationship we ought to have with one another, with the environment, and with the universe.

Be more engaged and less attached

June 26, 2021
When Friends Fight: How to Resolve Friendship Breakups

It’s commonplace for friends to fight or have trouble getting along. Though fights aren’t easy to move forward from, they can make your relationship even better. Small battles can sometimes turn into big ones and you might have to work hard to sort it out. So it’s not surprising that a fight with a friend can be as heartbreaking as an argument with a partner. But conflict doesn’t have to lead to a “friendship breakup.”

The greatest interpersonal skill you could ever have is learning how to resolve misunderstandings, conflicts, quarrels, fights and issues that arise with time in every relationship. It’s not whether you fight or not; it’s whether you resolve your issues or let pride from both sides separate the bond. The best fights don’t occur between strangers. They occur between friends who trust each other. Once you learn how to resolve conflicts, you will no more fear that one could ruin everything for y’all. Let’s talk about some two things we lose sight of that could lead to friendship breakup;

Stop Avoiding the Issue by Pretending Everything is Fine

A small misunderstanding can turn into a big friendship breakup in the end if you pretend the disagreement never happens, so keep the lines of communication open. Talking through the situation is best because letting the situation linger can develop into feelings of neglect, disrespect, or even anger. Before you get heated with a friend, take a mental step back and really listen to what he says. If you’re not mature enough to respect others’ opinions, then perhaps the friendship breakup is the best option. But if you would like to mend the friendship, then apologize, and listen to the other person’s point of view. At the end of the day, people want to be heard.

We all make mistakes, but we all don’t admit that we do. Model how to be humble and how to talk about problems, and be bluntly honest about your own thoughts and feelings.” Express concern for the problem at hand and take responsibility for your own failures while learning from them.

It is Not Just About Having Good Intentions

I promised to send Bernice out on a date to KFC. I was so damn late and kept answering her calls with reassurance that I am already close by. Upon my arrival, I had a good excuse about how stressful my programme of study was and how I couldn’t finish my tasks on time. I apologised but Bernice was still mad. Not only did my explanations not soothe her, but they also seemed to make things worse. That started to make me angry.

Do you know what the problem was? I was stuck in my own perspective. I didn’t mean to be late, but that’s not the point. The point is that I was late. The point — and what’s important in my communication with her — is how my lateness impacted Bernice.” In other words, I was focused on my intention, while Bernice was focused on the consequences. She and I were having two different conversations. In the end, we both felt unacknowledged, misunderstood, and angry. The more I thought about the issue, the more I recognized that this battle—intention vs. consequences—was the root cause of so much interpersonal discord.

As it turns out, it’s not the intention that counts or even the action that counts. That’s because the other person doesn’t experience your thought or your action. He or she experiences the consequences of your action. When you’ve done something that upsets someone—no matter who’s right—always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions affected the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because in the end, your intentions don’t matter much.

What if you don’t think the other person is justified in feeling the way he or she does? It doesn’t matter. You’re striving for understanding, not for agreement. What I have found is that once I’ve expressed my understanding of the consequences, my need to justify my intentions dissipates. That’s because the reason I’m explaining my intentions is to repair the relationship. But I’ve already accomplished that by empathizing with her experience.

Misunderstandings are inevitable in life. Look, no two people will always think or act the exact same way. You will not always see eye-to-eye with friends. It’s necessary to place value on friendship. Remind yourself that there is one in a billion chances to meeting with such a person and connecting in the first place. You are not friends by chance or because you see them five times a week. You’re friends with Rhoda because you respect and value her.

Remember, everyone changes—including you. Basically, you’re not perfect, and they’re not perfect. Chances are, you’ve inadvertently hurt them as well, either past or present, so own that emotion and recognize it, which may make it easier to forgive. It takes two to tango, even in a friendship.

March 20, 2021
What Matters to You?

Have you ever been in a queue and see someone jump in from nowhere? What was your reaction? What matters to you at that moment?

Virtues

What annoys you probably shows what virtues you resonate with. Sometimes it’s not that we don’t believe in some other good virtues; it’s just that we don’t necessarily have a problem with it. Some people get really annoyed when you don’t tell them the whole truth. It wasn’t really a lie from your side so their reaction may look really exaggerated in your eyes. That’s because telling them the whole truth matters to them.

However, it doesn’t necessarily mean they should have a problem with other seemingly related things like lying to other people they don’t care about so as to avoid they asking further questions. Sometimes you’ll find people close to you complaining a lot about something little you did, but don’t complain when others do the exact same thing to them.

Relations

Truth is, we don’t hold everyone to the same standards. Subconsciously, people who matter to us are expected to resonate with things that matter to us. When they don’t, therein lies all the misunderstandings. To avoid those misunderstandings, you don’t need to necessarily uphold their beliefs and virtues. What you must do is to understand what matters to them and relate to them specifically as such.

Some people have a problem with sharing their stuff with just about anyone. Well, you don’t. You share freely. She doesn’t, so don’t try to talk her into doing so. Share yours. Leave hers to her. When it comes to things she shares with you, treat it as hers and don’t share it with others still. It’s that simple.

Sentiments

Understanding a person is knowing what the person resonates with, not trying to change it and accepting him/her for that, and relating with the person in that light. We all have our petty petty sentiments. The more people pay attention to these little sentiments, the more we connect with them. Sometimes it’s amazing when you get to know that an acquaintance shares the same sentiments as you.

The real deal is knowing how to handle an issue where those close to you don’t resonate with the things that annoy you. You never know a person till you know what really gets on their nerves. Don’t assume that everyone thinks like you. What matters to you may not matter to me. In the same vein, what you’re very okay with can really annoy someone else.

Boundaries

If this very important issue is understood, you can relate with every human being in the world. This issue explains why some Christian-Muslim relations have worked out, and how an atheist and a theist can be best buddies. It’s not a matter of pleasing them, it’s a matter of respecting their boundaries.

People call this adjustment, others call it compatibility. Whatever the case is, it determines the functionality of all kinds of relationships. Once we understand this issue and find the middle ground, all kinds of compatibility issues – from social to sexual to sensual – can be resolved to the detriment of none of the parties involved.

I love you ❤️

July 18, 2020
Matters That Matter

Jesus didn’t have that luxury of time to explain the matter to the Pharisees. If anyone should have been worried, it should have been John, but John had said, “He must increase and I must decrease.” First of all, it was misinformation. Jesus wasn’t the one baptizing; it was his disciples. In life, make sure you don’t act based on rumors. If it matters, find out for yourself. If it doesn’t, don’t waste your time.

Secondly, it wasn’t a John vs Jesus matter. John and Jesus were not rivals. When Jesus heard what was being said, he left. He didn’t need to explain himself to them. He didn’t need to let it worry Him. If you follow the matters of Phariseeism, they will always give you something to be offended about, and you’ll break friendships with people you weren’t supposed to have issues with.

If it’s not a matter that matters, learn to walk away from the issue and it will die out. Don’t add any additional burden to your life. Focus, and leave the distractions to fall away. They said you’re 30 and you’re still yet to marry, so what? Who’s even more concerned about the issue in the first place; isn’t it you? People talk about issues that don’t concern them as if they care.

There are two sides of the same coin. There are people who genuinely care and bring someone’s matter up to you but if it’s not your matter, don’t bother yourself. If two people have an issue, the only time you can address the issue with the two of them is when the two invite you in. Don’t make yourself a judge over a matter that nobody invited you to.

If someone’s girlfriend invites you into a matter and you personally don’t know her boyfriend, it doesn’t concern you. From the passage, Jesus didn’t know the other brother, so He didn’t bother Himself. If two strangers are having an argument by the roadside and they invite you in, don’t explain anything. If two best friends are fighting and they invite you in, be discrete. They will get back together like they always have, and your rushed advice won’t be forgotten.

When Jesus came to earth, there were billions of problems as there is now. With many social problems, He didn’t even try to solve them or even address it. He didn’t come to judge the world, He came to save it. He solved what was man’s most important need and the underlying cause of all other problems. All others were just distractions.

Be like Jesus ❤️

July 4, 2020