Resonance

Category: Emotions

  • Main Character Syndrome

    It is so easy to create a platform via social media. You can do that with zero resources, zero credibility, zero track record and zero backing from Heaven or even hell, and be deceived by the little traction you get and conclude that you’re doing something. Thus, the average person is most likely to suffer from main character syndrome, even in Christian circles. Not everyone is a Moses or an Elijah or a Samuel. Not everyone is going to be a CEO, the next hottest thing in town or a household name. In fact, there’s a 1% chance you’re going to be the face of a generation. Yet, everyone seems to think that that’s their destiny.

    It’s the disease of the world, the pride of life. Every footballer starts their career wanting to be the new Messi and have the kind of career he had. Meanwhile, Messi himself did not even start life with that mindset. There’s a thin line between being courageous and being arrogant. Being arrogant will only cause God to resist you rather than exalt you. That’s the kind of pride that brought Lucifer crushing down. It’s not a blank cheque to dream big. There are many things outside of your boundaries you should never seek. If you do, it is covetousness.

    If you read the Scriptures, all the “main characters” “shied away” from being the main character. David was just a shepherd boy in the field of Bethlehem. Moses was trying to convince God he shouldn’t be the one to deliver the people of Israel from Egypt. Jeremiah was looking for an excuse not to be a prophet to the nations. Jesus chose fishermen and made great destinies out of them. Everyone chosen did not count themselves as qualified. Today, we are the ones desperately telling God what He should do when He has already predestined our lives before time immemorial.

    Remember, God did not use Joseph until he died to the main character syndrome. In the dispensation of the church, the focus of God is to raise a people as one person who has reached the full stature of Christ. “We all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ”. That notwithstanding, a few predestined people have been chosen to sit in particular offices to equip the rest of the saints in the work of their ministry. They are not mediators. They are servant leaders. They are not celebrities. They are frontrunners.

    Heaven will be full of surprises. Why? The woman who sweeps the church, who was never in the spotlight, will be wearing a glorious crown. Anna the prophetess, the one who looked like she was wasting her life away in the temple, will be rewarded tremendously for standing in the gap for a generation as she prayed the Messiah into birth. It’s not about being in the spotlight, but about following the light on your path. As great as Elijah and Elisha were, they were not predestined to be authors of any Scriptures. As honourable as Moses and Daniel were, they were not in the lineage of Jesus.

    When men remember history, they cannot remember a team; they only need a face. So we know names like Sir Isaac Newton, King David, Diego Maradona, Shakespeare, Alexander the Great etc, but these people had men. They weren’t lone rangers. Sir Isaac Newton said, “if I have been able to see further, it’s because I stood on the shoulders of giants.” As a result, we think that the greatest are the most remembered. We forget the words of Jesus so quickly. Remember, what God calls a success (like a 33-year old dying naked on a Cross) is not what men call a success. Jesus Himself said John the Baptist is the greatest among all born of a woman. Think about it!

    Heaven does not weigh men according to their fame, possessions, achievements and escapades. Heaven judges our good works according to the Will of God predestined beforehand that we should walk in. Any other thing I do outside of what is written in my books is of no use, really. Therefore, we are not here to do it all. We are here to do what God predestined for us to do. Once you find your place, your people and your purpose, pour out your best to purposely do all you can to bring pleasure to the One who predestined you. Because Heaven will not reward popularity; God will reward those who played their part even though the spotlight was never on them.

    Thus, you’re here as God’s masterpiece, prepared beforehand for good works that you should walk in them. Your main objective is to please Him, not “look good” to your generation. If you are to be a missionary to a village in His books but you rather prefer to be a pastor of a megachurch, you have missed the point. We need to know this. Exploits in this Kingdom is not generic. Killing Goliath is exploits. Being thrown in the lion’s den is also exploits. Being saved from death is a testimony. Dying for the Gospel is also a testimony. It all depends on what is specifically written in your books.

    The main character syndrome in the Body of Christ is as a result of how we see the purpose of our lives. We see it from an individualistic perspective. However, the purpose for your life is simply a tiny bit of the bigger purpose God is wanting to achieve. In other words, there is a purpose God wants to achieve, and you, other people, angels, events and sometimes even animals interplay to bring that purpose to life. If you have an individualistic view of your destiny, you’ll see yourself as the main character in life. Locate yourself in the cooperate destiny within the Will of God and you’ll play your role faithfully without envying what another is doing.

    Andrew is the one who introduced Peter to Jesus but at the end of the day, Peter is well-known, given a more prominent role and even had the privilege of writing Scripture. If Andrew was to see it from an individualistic perspective, he can become envious, bitter and feel cheated by God. Meanwhile, Andrew is among the 12 given a special reward in Heaven. If we are all advancing the same kingdom and bringing glory to the same God, wherein lies the envy? Stay in your lane and run your race. It’s not a competition.

    See, we need to redefine what we think greatness is. Yes, we are all great and will do great things, but not according to a generalized worldly view. Joseph secured a place in Egypt for Israel but Moses delivered them out. If you don’t believe me, think about Jesus’ purpose and count how many people, events, angels and even animals came together for God’s purpose to be fulfilled. From Abraham to David to Anna to Simeon to Mary to the fish with coins in its mouth to the donkey to Simon of Cyrene to Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea to His 12 disciples all the way to you and I.

    See the purpose of your life as part of the jigsaw puzzle. We all have individual unique callings coming together to accomplish the bigger picture of God’s purpose. Therefore, if I’m Joseph’s brother, I actually need Joseph to succeed because his success is tied to my destiny too. If I’m Esther, I need Mordecai. If I’m Ruth, I need Naomi. If I’m Ezra, Nehemiah is not my competition. He’s rather a contributor to the same overall destiny of God in my generation.

    What God wants to do with you didn’t start from you and won’t end with you. If you fail, posterity will suffer because of you but God’s grand plan will come to pass regardless. Therefore, play your role wherever you find yourself. Die to the idea of becoming great in the eyes of your generation. You haven’t failed if your generation doesn’t know you. You’re not here to be known by men. You’re here to know and please Him who sent you here. May we not crave for what God never gave us.

    As we have discussed this superiority complex, it’s necessary that we balance it by talking about inferiority complex. Otherwise, it may look as though greatness is a crime, thereby exalting false humility. To be continued…

  • The Mystery of Encouragement

    Last week, we took a doctrinal standpoint on what I call the architecture of Grace; edification, exhortation and comfort. Edification is what increases our capacity while exhortation increases our expectations. Comfort is what increases our capacity to endure. Today, we will spend more time on encouragement.


    The Greek word for encouragement is paraklesis, which can be translated as edification, exhortation or comfort, depending on the context. Encouragement is therefore at the core of these three. We know about the finished works of Christ but we tend to forget that there’s the work of the Holy Spirit. The finished work of Christ is the foundation that makes the coming and the work of the Holy Spirit possible. God has many names, and His Name in any given context informs us about His work. The Holy Spirit is called the Comforter. That speaks volumes, doesn’t it? He is Allos Parakletos, another Comforter.

    If we have won the victory through Christ, why do we need a comforter? Think about it. Of all the things you think you will need, the Promise of the Father was to send another Comforter. That tells a lot. I want you to ask the Holy Spirit why you need a comforter. Kindly write three reasons. A time will come when you’ll forget what you wrote down; you will see it one day in the future, and you will be so glad you were sent a Comforter. What makes God God is that He gives us something we don’t realise we need. We think we know what we need so urgently but His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

    Evincing Edification & Exhortation


    Edification is the spiritual process of eating food. Just as there is physical food, there is spiritual food. That food is the Word of God. Just as you physically eat everyday, you ought to eat spiritually everyday. Sit down to study the Word and also have a time where you casually read Scriptures. Listen to Spirit-filled sermons. Apart from eating the Word, praying is another way of edifying your spirit man. “…building yourselves in your most holy faith; pray in the Spirit..”. Edification, as we discussed last week, is to build up. All spirit forms connect to God, the source of Life, for life. Thus, any activity you do to interact with God edifies you.

    Exhortation is how to get rich spiritually. Physically, having money gives you access to many possibilities. Spiritually, the currency is faith. Being stirred up in faith is exhortation. It happens when you share stories; that’s why the Bible is intentionally full of stories. That’s also why many old men of God share a lot of stories. They aren’t just stories, they are testimonies. Testimonies are prophecies of possibilities. They are exhorting you to increase your level of expectations. Exhortation is another form of comfort. It’s an assurance that your case is not special. He is the same God who came through them all, and He will come through for you.

    I met Pastor Adeboye in a dream this year and I could see our levels of expectation. He had far more expectations than I had, although he has about 10 years left to live. I was surprised. I even woke up to my phone playing his sermon titled “Glory Ahead”. How can someone who has seen it all still believe that there is more? Even worse, how can someone who hasn’t seen anything yet think that’s it? On account of this, what do I need? Exhortation! How do I get exhorted? Testimonies. Read church history. Study the lives of those who have gone ahead of you. You can know that God can do it and not believe that He can do it for you. Exhortation personalizes God to your circumstances and gives you the currency to access all possibilities.

    Ministration & Administration of Comfort

    Eventually, we will get tired. Yes! You will be right in the middle of God’s Will and still see nothing change. The promises of God will keep looking out of touch with present realities. Do you think Abraham didn’t get tired? 25 years? Try waiting in the wilderness to see whether John the Baptist too got tired. God will let whoever comes to Him wait. That’s why Lamentations 3:27 says It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth. The earlier you start waiting, the better. It is normal to get tired. In fact, God knows you’re tired. That’s why the first thing He does when you wait on Him is to renew your strength.

    Comfort increases your threshold to endure. The great cloud of witnesses around you ran this same race of endurance. They didn’t receive the promise but were able to endure until the end. So the question isn’t “why am I going through so much?”. If God is going to increase your threshold to endure, then He expects you to be able to encourage others while you still feel discomfort. Just as there are intercessors, there are encouragers. There are people who have been given the ministry of encouragement, I believe. One of such in Scriptures was called Barnabas, the Son of Encouragement. They minister and administer comfort. David was also one of such.

    When you are discouraged, encourage yourself in the LORD. Draw comfort from the Comforter. What does that practically look like? Encouraging yourself in the LORD is about telling God who He is and telling yourself who God is. We see this all over the Psalms. It is not wrong to tell God about your problems but after that, tell yourself who God is and tell God who He is. “But thou, o LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, the lifter of mine head”. David said that when the situation was still as it is. After you have allowed the Comforter to minister comfort to you, you can now administer comfort to others. It’s only those who know that God is with them that do not fear the giants in the land.

    Angelic & Friendship Help

    God is very big. Just as He is the Good Shepherd, he chose shepherds over your soul and gave you guardian angels. Every ministry men have, angels also have. Just as there are encouragers and exhorters in men, there are angels that come to minister to you when you’re tired. “When”, because God already anticipated that you’ll be tired at this time. That’s why He allowed me to write this. That’s why you’re reading this at this time. When Jesus was at His lowest point in the garden of Eden, what did He have? Angels of comfort and friends! Angels came to minister to Him after the temptation when He was very weary too. So, don’t think God is blind to what you’re going through.

    How do you receive angelic help? Ask the Father in the name of Jesus. They will minister to your soul from the spiritual realm. Your soul can also be ministered to from the physical realm by your friends. Isolation is the worst thing you can do when you’re tired. Jesus was desperate to have His disciples pray with Him in the garden, not because He wasn’t sure God will answer Him, but because of the comfort that comes from the cooperate group. Are you tired? Talk to a listening friend. Have a family of friends who have each other. The encouragement from Heaven will definitely be on one of their lips.

    There is comfort knowing you’re not alone. One of the practices of the early church was to report their victories so as to encourage the Body. That’s why we share testimonies. Don’t be silent! Stop suffering alone. You have a friend in me ❤️.  Stop staying all alone thinking you can pray and grow by yourself. Haven’t you heard that two are better than one? Don’t confuse solitude with isolation. Once you isolate yourself, you will fall and fail. This journey is about making it until the end. It’s not easy. We need each other. Encourage one another with these things.

    When the Holy Spirit brings someone to mind, quickly check up on the person. We live in a world of false connections where people feel so distant even though we are so close. Don’t assume they are fine because of what they post. If you’re the one always checking up on someone, make sure you create a system that makes others check up on you too. Don’t allow yourself to give up. Surround yourself with help. You were not meant to carry everything on your shoulders. Jesus had men; it is, in fact, extremely necessary to have a team, a family, a company.

    Encouragement is a mystery. Anyone who lacks it will not make it to the end. Anyone who finds it in times of need will remain unshakeable.

  • Edification, Exhortation & Comfort : God’s Architecture of Grace

    We all get tired. Even the strongest believers sometimes feel drained. Some feel stuck. Others begin to gradually lose interest and give up. Many get sick and tired of being tired and sick. Even leaders and pastors who spend their lives strengthening others can often find themselves empty. God, in His wisdom, has built a spiritual system to keep His people from collapsing in the vicissitudes of life. He designed a divine rhythm for the soul; edification, exhortation, and comfort. It is God’s healing system for the whole person (spirit, soul, and body) and the whole Body. It is how He keeps His family standing, growing, and enduring until the end. Next week, we will talk about the Mystery of Encouragement but for now, let’s establish the doctrinal side of it.

    Edification: Increasing Our Capacity

    The word edify comes from the Greek oikodomeō which means to build up. It is the act of strengthening, forming, and maturing until a life becomes stable. Spiritually, edification is God’s way of stretching our capacity to carry His life. When you are edified, something within you expands. Your faith deepens, your understanding widens, and your endurance strengthens. You become more capable of carrying divine weight.

    “And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up.” (Acts 20:32)

    God builds us through teaching, truth, and time. Like a master builder laying one stone after another, He establishes your inner man until you can contain more of His strength, more of His wisdom, and more of His people. We do not grow by accident. We grow because the Spirit keeps laying stone upon stone, truth upon truth, grace upon grace. Edification is how God turns the fragile into giants.

    Exhortation: Increasing Our Expectation

    Once you have been built up, you must be stirred up. Exhortation comes from the Greek paraklēsis which means to call near, to urge, to appeal. It is the voice from Heaven that says, “Do not give up. Lift your eyes again.”Sometimes you know the truth, but you no longer expect it to happen. You are built up but not stirred up. That is when the Spirit exhorts. He calls you near, speaks courage into your heart, and rekindles anticipation for what God will yet do.

    “Let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works… exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25)


    Exhortation raises your expectation. It awakens the dormant parts of your faith. It moves you from “I know” to “I believe again.” Through a message, a friend, or the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit, God exhorts His children to rise. The fire may be small, but exhortation breathes upon it until it burns bright again.

    Comfort: Increasing Our Threshold

    Comfort is not about removing pain. It is about raising the threshold to endure it. Comfort comes from paramuthia, meaning to speak closely, to console, to strengthen. It is the tender voice of God in the midst of trial.

    “Blessed be God, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforteth us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4)

    When life feels unbearable, the Comforter sits beside you. He does not scold you for weeping. He stays with you through it. Comfort increases your threshold, your ability to face tomorrow without collapsing today. The comfort of God is not sentimental. It is strengthening. It restores your equilibrium, renews your peace, and brings sanity back to your soul. Comfort does not make life easier. It makes you stronger.

    God’s System for the Prosperity of your Soul

    This threefold process of edification, exhortation, and comfort is God’s divine therapy for the believer. It is how He balances spiritual maturity with emotional wellbeing. It is how He keeps your spirit sharp, your faith alive, and your heart tender. Built up, stirred up, and held up. That is the full rhythm of what I call God’s architecture of Grace.

    God never intended anyone to walk alone. From Eden to the early Church, His answer to human needs has always been another person. He builds through teaching and discipleship. He stirs through encouragement and prophecy. He heals through companionship and compassion.

    > “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)
    “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

    When you isolate yourself, you disconnect from this system. Isolation dries the soul. Even pastors need edification. Even prophets need exhortation. Even apostles need comfort. God’s love often comes disguised as a friend who refuses to give up on you, a mentor who speaks correction where you don’t see one, or a circle of friends who simply sits with you in silence. His help usually comes with a human face. A true Word from God will always carry this triadic essence. It will build, stir, and heal. When you stay in fellowship, you stay within God’s healing cycle. The Church is not a club of perfect people but a living organism through which grace circulates. Each believer is both a receiver and a dispenser of Grace.

    “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

    You are God’s instrument of renewal to someone else. Your word, your prayer, your listening ear may be Heaven’s hand to a weary soul. And in your own day of need, that same grace will return to you through others.

    God’s Architecture of Grace

    Edification increases your capacity to grow. Exhortation raises your expectation to believe. Comfort strengthens your threshold to endure. Together, they form the architecture of grace, the system by which the Spirit constructs, energises, and heals His people. When God builds you, He does not only strengthen your spirit. He heals your mind, renews your emotions, and strengthens your endurance. We are built to last, established to be immovable and in a system that will preserve until you finish your race.

    So when you feel weary, do not withdraw. Do not hide your pain. You may be tired, but you are not alone. The same Spirit that builds, stirs, and comforts is reaching for you still to help you stand until the end.

  • What is Wrong with Pre-marital Sex? Part I

    In our world today, many established ideologies have received scrutiny and backlash for being archaic and restrictive. Since the turn of the Enlightenment age, even the concept of God has been attacked and somewhat rescinded; how much more are the so-called “commandments of God”? This post is not for the highly religious who are quick to draw conclusions, although their actions and words don’t even tally lol. This is for the intellectuals who are not quick to answer questions but question answers. The line between good and bad is seen as subjective because the yardstick has been given to everyone to decide what is right in their own eyes. However, using the pragmatic approach, let’s see if the road is still clear without a moral compass.

    Sexual Freedom


    The opposite of freedom is not always bondage. After all, a man must be bound to something. With more freedom comes less safety. Therefore, a boundary is not a limitation. It’s a safety measure. To be totally free is the biggest deception. If you are free to do so, you should be free to stop. Reality unveils when you realise that you cannot stop. After the deception of “why should I stop?” has fallen from your eyes, you’d realise that you were enraptured, not by boundless love, but by bounding lust. You only enjoy the moment and the dark emotions thereafter are nothing to write home about. So these dark emotions are avoided by further indulging in the lustful pleasure. Very soon, you’ll realise it’s empty and you want something more. It only goes downhill from here. See, you are not the first person in the world to go down this path. I know the path is dark and you don’t realise that you are living in ignorance but hey, try switching on the light and see how many demons attack you. These demons are not your friends. Don’t play with lust. Stop entertaining yourself with the movies she projects in the thoughts of your mind. She has destroyed many. You are just a statistic to her.

    Boundary or Limitation?


    Believe it or yes, sex is very powerful. It is literally a ritual. A portal is unlocked, an exchange takes place and chemistry is solidified. To not create a safety measure around this is absurd. Even legos come with instructions. Blaming God for having a rule exposes your ignorance. Even married couples break up and are torn apart by divorce; how much more you and your accomplice? When you haven’t done something before, there’s a natural resistance to it. However, we know that soulish desires are stronger than natural resistances. When one pursues pleasure without purpose, activities lose meaning. Before you know, you may have had multiple partners already. Once you attack the very foundation of this safety measure, then there’s no need to defend other safety measures; sleeping with multiple partners, sleeping with same sex, sleeping with animals, sleeping with children, sleeping with dead people etc.

    Responsibilities & Privileges

    If you cannot deal with the consequences of a particular action, you have no business venturing into it. In other words, if you can’t handle the responsibilities, the privileges are not meant for you. It is a disclaimer of life. You are solely responsible for your actions even if you are ignorant of the detriment. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

    One may argue that it’s not pre-marital if there’s no plan for the “marital”. It’s absolutely normal to question the foundation of marriage since it is the basics for which pre-marital sex is sin. Even if you dislike the idea of a covenant, the tradition and/or the ceremony of marriage, it is and has always been a necessity. You didn’t give birth to the one who want to sleep with. Marriage simply becomes an ordinance before all the parties belonging; God, the families and the law. You are at fault if you simply take someone’s drink in the fridge without their knowledge or permission; how much more their son or daughter. If you are not planning to get married the traditional way, it still doesn’t exempt you from making the parties involved formally know. That formal signature is what makes it essentially marriage, signifying that you’re mature enough to handle the responsibilities and enjoy the privileges.

    …..to be continued. Please let me know your thoughts and comments.

  • The Logic of God

    The Logic of God

    “If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”
    Matthew 6:30

    Jesus used the phrase “little faith” 6 times in the Gospels. The Greek word is oligopistia, which has such an interesting meaning.
    It actually means brief. “Oligos” is a Greek adverb that expresses a short duration, value or measure. If my fuel is “oligos”, it can’t take me a whole journey. It is the opposite of “tosoutos pistin”, often translated as great faith. So whenever Jesus said his disciples had little faith, He wasn’t just referring to the “quantity” of their faith. He was saying that their faith was brief.

    Many have stopped believing in God because to them they have tried but it didn’t work. Faith is not trying to see if it will work. Faith is seeing that it is working out. God never said we should say it once and then magic happens. In fact, Jesus said the opposite if you read your Bible more carefully. Faith is a persevering spirit. “And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off?”. Luke 18:7

    How do we have faith? The Bible says, “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God”. The word “by” means a channel of an act. This means it is by hearing the Word of God that we have faith and build faith. Having faith is as a result of the seed of God’s Word planted into our hearts. Faith (Greek: pistis) means “persuasion” in direct translation. This means God speaks words that persuades (convicts not convinces) us to take action.

    Why? Whenever we make a decision consciously or subconsciously, we base it on something. But God persuades us to base it on His Logic not on our sight (literally means perspective). The “Word” in Greek means Logos, which is where we get the word “logic” from. In the beginning was the Logos(logic), and the Logos(logic) was with God, and the Logos(logic) was God. This revelation is mind-changing; God’s Word is His Logic.

    God’s Logic or Word does not always make sense, not because it’s illogical, but because it is beyond the kind of logic we are accustomed to.

    One of the most famous Scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11, ” I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
    God through Jeremiah said this to the people who had been in exile for 20 years. They went on to live in exile for the next 30 years.

    God will never forsake you. He will never abandon you. He needs you to continue believing. God wants to hold on to His Word, His Logic, His Rhema in the midst of it all. He wants you to build your life on a solid foundation. That is why faith is essential and fundamental in the Kingdom lifestyle. I want you to now face life with Great FAITH.

    I love you ❤

  • Why Does Life Have To Be So Hard?

    Why Does Life Have To Be So Hard?

    None of us wants to be in calm waters all our lives. Where there is no challenge, there is boredom. Passion dies whenever there’s nothing new to try.

    There ought to be something that looks bigger than us. Something that alters our mindset at the end of the journey. Something that challenges us, not just to do better, but BE better; to live to our utmost potential. Something experiential that challenges our perspective to something we’ve never seen before but was always there. Something that is worth living for. Something that is worth dying for.

    There’s gotta be something.

    But why does it have to be this hard? It’s like I’m always at my wit’s end. It’s like my bones are crushing, my teeth gnashing. It’s like the only reason why I have no reason to live is the only reason why I am living.

    Left to me alone, I would give up but I just can’t give up now. There’s something that keeps leading me on, telling me there’s gotta be something to all of this. Giving up hurts more, and failure is better than regret. It will definitely be worth the risk. What I become in the process is far greater than what I have as the product.

    Life is just like giving birth. After so much pain we thought we could never bear, what we are expecting finally becomes a reality, but in a way, we certainly did not expect. That is when we realise that the more the sweat, the greater the “sweet”.

    The joy at the end is far more unbearable than the pain we went through. The pain now just becomes a passed memory, but the joy becomes a present reality.

  • Negative Emotions & Realities: How To Deal With Them

    Is it possible to live in a reality that is out of place with our present circumstance? Are we supposed to allow ourselves to go through the incumbent emotions triggered by our brain due to the nature of present circumstances or we are supposed to “fake” a positive reality till we “make it”?

    The brain releases negative emotions a few moments after a negative experience. Any further negative emotion from then on is self-inflicted. Self-inflicted because we continue to dwell on the negative image our senses fed our minds over and over, thereby releasing the negative emotions over and over.

    Emotions are Symptoms

    Pain is a symptom. Anxiety is a symptom. Depression is a symptom. Whatever we feel are symptoms, insignia. It’s not the actual thing. It’s a reaction to the actual thing. The chemical reactions in our system are the same for everyone but how the reaction manifests differ from one person to another. That’s why people cry when they are sad, hurt, angry or even happy. Same reaction, different circumstances. The body will release different tears in these different circumstances but that’s not the point.

    The point is that we can inadvertently control how our body reacts in any given circumstance. Not by manipulating or tricking our brain. No. Our brain is the centre of our intelligence. It picks our reaction from previous scenarios. Any time we react calmly to a given circumstance, it teaches our brain to be calmer in similar circumstances. If you’ve been in a circumstance where you didn’t know how to react it’s because your brain didn’t have any “default settings” based on its archives. You hadn’t been in such a scenario before, therefore you found it hard to react in a certain way. You don’t know if you’re confused, happy, sad or simply indifferent, and that is okay.

    Emotional Maturity or Avoidance Coping?

    The goal is not to stop yourself from feeling any negative emotions ever. That’s insane. In fact, it has been scientifically proven that it’s necessary to feel both positive and negative emotions occasionally instead of feeling either of them all the time. What we can do is to channel that negative emotion into positive action. That’s the real deal. Elizabeth Scott, MS said it this way, “Managing negative emotions is more about embracing the fact that we are feeling them, determining why we are feeling this way, and allowing ourselves to receive the messages that they are sending us before we release them and move forward”.

    positive and negative emotions

    Stopping yourself from feeling hurt, disappointed, grieved or simply down is not emotional intelligence. It is avoidance coping. It can heavily backfire if we don’t tackle it. It’s like hunger. Hunger is a symptom, a sign that you need to feed your body with food. Avoiding the feeling of hunger and doing nothing about it creates more problems. If you kill the symptom, the underlying problem still persists. True emotional maturity is allowing yourself to feel the feels but not letting it change your mindset and stance into a negative reality.

    I love you

  • How To Understand Women

    How To Understand Women

    Life without females would be a pain in the ass, literally! Though they make situations a bit more difficult than they’re supposed to be, they make life much more interesting than it would have been. They add a little more extra everywhere. They may be a little more extreme but definitely quite distinct and super amazing. To be very honest, understanding them is a hoax but hey, at least I made an effort – like the gazillion number of men before me who successfully failed to crack the code.

    Women love attention

    We each have the desire to be loved and accepted. Abraham Maslow recognized this in his Pyramid of needs and identified it as a social need. No matter who you are, you belong to something. Women do have a strong sense of belonging. Though not every lady wants to be in the spotlight, they would love to have your attention provided you treat them right. The more you make them feel special – like they are the centre of the universe, like there is no other person but them – the more they’d love your company.

    Women care 1000% about diction

    They say, “Men are moved by what they see, but women are moved by what they hear.” There is an iota of truth in that. No matter how a lady likes you, she’d still want you to initiate; you’d still have to “sweet talk” with her; you’d still have to treat her right. Whether the lady will become offended or feel the love, it all depends on your choice of words. Once you make the wrong choice of word in a conversation, she’d expect that you apologize. She may even understand what you’re trying to say, but you’d still have to say it.

    Women love to be right

    Women are very intuitive. They listen to their intuition more than men do. Sometimes they just know that something is wrong beyond all reasonable doubt. Women may not always be right, but they are never wrong. She has all the right in the world to tell you that they tried to tell you yet you wouldn’t listen, but don’t dare try to tell her that. A wise man once said, “As a man, when you’re wrong, apologize; when you’re right, shut up.” A man who loves to always be right is seen by women as proud and egotistic. A woman who loves to be always right is simply being a woman.

    Women are empathic

    No matter how hard a woman becomes, she still has a soft spot. Of course, at the beginning she may a very nut to crack but spending time with her alone softens her heart towards you. The average lady is very emotional. Funny enough, if a guy had the same amount of mood swings a lady had in a single day, he’d be seen as psychopathic and may be on medication for having split personality disorders. When offended, she doesn’t get pissed, she gets mad. The psychophysiology of males and females are distinct. Women have a different kind of logic. When you talk to her, she listens to what is not being said. That’s why good mothers are good listeners.

    Women know what they DON’T want but may not know what they want

    There is nothing that two people in love cannot do except – of course – deciding where to eat. In a relationship, barely would a woman make the vital decisions.

    She’d tell you what to do, but if it fails she’d blame you because you took the decision. Women seldom know what they want yet they may complain bitterly about what they have.

    Whether it’s a house design or sex life, they’d express how they dislike the current state and then expect you to know what to do. They have a strong desire for what they want. When they see what they want, they’d know. Confused? Don’t worry. Women themselves know it’s confusing because they don’t even understand themselves. How can you know what you don’t want and still not know what you really want?

    What exactly do they want? That is a puzzle that the guy has to solve.

    Ladies, is this true? Guys, do you agree with me? Let’s see your comments. Will deffo have to continue with this. Hope you enjoyed it! Don’t forget to like and share. By the way, this is all meant to be fun. Please don’t be mad at me, O woman in thine period. I know all these doesn’t necessarily apply to all women, of course! Please don’t insult me. Thanks 😂

    I love you

  • Integrity vs Promiscuity: Which One Is More Difficult?

    Integrity vs Promiscuity: Which One Is More Difficult?

    We live in a generation where morality and integrity have become a matter of opinion. Moral bankruptcy is so high that in many contexts, those who choose to do the right thing are made to feel bad and those who do what is bad feel good about it. Because as human as we are we need a sense of belonging and acceptance, we compromise and become complacent just to fit in. Sooner or later, we lose our conscience and we are just like everyone else. Living a certain lifestyle because “everyone is doing it” is the dumbest logic if not one of the dumbest.

    We are living in a generation that has made promiscuity look so easy and integrity, difficult. Which one is more difficult to do, fleeing from danger or embracing danger? If we are embracing promiscuity, it is because we have viewed it as a place of comfort rather than that of danger. Physical attraction is an animal instinct and the sex drive is pretty much proactive in our youth. Nonetheless, giving in to our bodily passions can bring about consequences much more dilapidating to even our bodies. We cannot always control how we feel, especially in the sexual sense. What we can do, however, is control what we do when we feel what we feel. Surely, our actions can fuel or dissolve whatever we feel in any context.

    Your Feelings Are Not Your Justification

    integrity

    Acting based on our feelings makes us as immature and desperate as a cock on heat. In the same vein, we cannot always control what we think about. What we can control is what we do with that thought. No matter what, the final decision of what action to take lies in our hands; whether we would be caught up in the moment, act based on our feelings, get carried away or act otherwise. We, therefore, have no justifiable excuse, especially when there are many righteous examples to follow and a sweet Spirit to assist us in our daily affairs. Promiscuity is a choice. Therefore, if it has us, it is we who gave it the chance.

    Having a Form of Godliness yet Living in Sin

    “Jesus saw Nathaniel coming towards him, and saith of him, “Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile.” John 1:47

    If Jesus looks at us today, can He see us as a person of integrity, in whom there is no guile? Or are we still hiding behind Jesus from the Father, deceiving ourselves that “when God looks at us, He doesn’t see us? He sees Jesus.” Remember, friendship with the world is enmity with God. It’s not that God is so angry that He would destroy us, but Jesus. No! Just as righteousness gives us right standing with God, living in sin gives us a “wrong” standing with God, where we place ourselves as enemies of God. We make ourselves enemies of God and oppose Him when all He wants from us is friendship.

    A life of integrity cannot be lived outside of Christ. In Christ, the only life we can live is a life of integrity. Always remember that.

    You Can Have a Fresh Start

    The most amazing thing about all this is that, when we fall, we have an advocate who lifts us right back up when we repent. Our slates are wiped clean as if we never did it and the sin is never held against us. What more could we have asked for to live uprightly?

    I love you ❤

  • I Don’t Care: Breaking Free from the Apathy & Indifference

    I Don’t Care: Breaking Free from the Apathy & Indifference

    Ever met or been that person who is always like, “As for me, I don’t care. I don’t feel anything.” And we admired such people because they looked to us like strength. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. The Presence of God is known and it is also felt. Knowing God in our minds is boring and repressive. Having mental knowledge of God without ever experiencing Him is basically a religion. Joy, Peace, Love, Gratitude, Responsibility, Humility etc are expressions. Whatever we express is emotionally relevant. This means that anytime we try to act all cool and don’t really care who even died in our family, it’s because we have squirmed into ourselves.

    I have been a victim of “I don’t care”. Whenever I live constantly like that, I feel like I am a wall upon which all emotions around me are being thrown. I don’t feel like a person. I feel like an object in that situation. So I become invisible by becoming silent and I hide in plain sight. I don’t let people in. I am in a state of avoidance; being physically not present. So I go away so there’s nothing to relate to anymore. I hold strong boundaries or walls, keeping my feelings contained or even suppressed. And as long as I took this path of emotionlessness, I barely experienced God for myself. I interpret everything on a logical level. Even prophetic and worship meetings were full of my mind telling me how pretentious what was happening was.

    There are so many cover-up emotions today. This is where we can’t tolerate one emotion so we cover it up by feeling something else, usually something more acceptable. We can’t feel rage, so we feel frustration. I can’t tolerate intense betrayal, so I feel hurt instead. We can’t allow ourselves to feel unquenchable grief, so we feel sadness instead. I can’t even express or identify what we are feeling, so I stay silent. Because we do not know how to define what we are feeling or expressing, we would defend, hide, avoid, or escape it. But underneath these “defences” are often feelings of vulnerability. We too often identify a vulnerability with weakness, shame or being too emotional, in an attempt to cover a raw aspect of ourselves.

    No one was born a stoic. All creations are emotional creatures, birds and dogs alike. Because emotions do not come from our bodies though they do have a direct link with them; emotions are what makes us persons connected to the orchestrations of the universe as a whole.

    The truth is, once you close your heart to hurt, you also close yourself to love. Also, closing your heart will never stop you from feeling the negative emotions that come with life. It will rather stop you from fully expressing and benefitting from good emotions. There is hope in the shadows, there is peace in the storm, there is patience in the pain, and there is joy in the sorrow. Open up your heart. The Holy Spirit wants you to enjoy His fruits regardless of the circumstances.


    If you know for yourself that you’re in this “I don’t care anymore” state or you’re heading towards that in any important area of your life, I want you to put your hand on your heart and pray this prayer;
    Heart, you have permission to be wide open towards the LORD, to be fully present, to fully feel, to be fully affected. Heart, you have permission to know that He is emotional about you. You have permission to know that you don’t need to shut down. You don’t need to lock up. Lord, any place where I have stopped feeling because of pain, because of vows that I’ve made, I give you permission to open my heart back to you. I want to have a heart that is fully after yours. In Jesus’ Name, I pray, Amen.

    I love you ♥

  • Being Alone vs Being Lonely II

    Being Alone vs Being Lonely II

    The continuation of a conversation between Emmanuel Bugyei and I.

    Bugyei: But the thing; everyone is so wrapped up in their existence so they can’t see when someone desperately wants them and their company. Statuses also divide us even further; another person’s looks, friends, walk, talk it all differentiates us.

    Me: Yeah!

    People of class and stature have an overdose of attention. But sometimes they feel very lonely because they feel people care about them because of what they have and what they put up. Loneliness is only cured when we’re accepted for who we are freely.

    Bugyei: They also reject those who see them for who they truly are. So can there really be any cure?

    Me: The need for love is just like that for sleep or food. Abraham Maslow called it a social need and placed in the middle of the pyramid. It actually needs to be satisfied daily

    Bugyei: What about self-love, is that not enough?

    Me: It is only self-love that sustains a person who is alone from being Lonely. However, there is a journey towards it. It’s like kids. They must be nurtured until they can nurture on their own. Unfortunately, not everyone reaches maturity but everyone starts off as a child. At the highest maturity and enlightenment, we don’t need Love because we are Love. We are all one with God, the source of Love.

    Bugyei: And for those who are not Christian?.

    Me: We all go through a similar journey on this one, regardless of our beliefs and labels. The danger, however, is when we slash hard on people so desperate for another’s affection. We are called to love, not to shame people into loving themselves. People eventually learn to love themselves when they’ve received so much love. A child once asked, “can I be a good father if I’ve never been loved?”

    Bugyei: And what was the answer?

    Me: He wasn’t answered. It brought tears in the eyes of the adults around. His father was a drunkard who always abused his mom. He was taken away from him and sent to a foster home, where he asked this question to a preacher preaching about God’s love.

    I hope you enjoyed this insightful conversation. Loneliness is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, as dangerous as obesity, and increases the likelihood of an early death by 26%.

    Let’s kill loneliness before it kills us. I hope this conversation compels you to love fully and freely; to accept people for who they are; to love with a purpose and without condition. Remember, where there is purpose and acceptance, loneliness suffocates.

    I love you ❤️

  • Love One Another

    And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34 GNB

    Romans 5:5 says, “This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God’s gift to us.”

    Someone may ask now; how will I get this Love of God to love people?

    The Love of God is not far-fetched. It has been poured and is continually being poured into our hearts till we love all people with this very love. When someone is giving you a hard time, your prayer shouldn’t be that God should punish them so that they see their offence. Your prayer should be that God should pour more of His Love for them into your heart. The truth is this: brotherly love, romantic love and parental love – they all get tired and wear out eventually. The Love of God is eternal and continually renews within you.

    love one another

    You can only love one another with the Love of God when you have experienced this Love of God for yourself. And no one in the world can say that nobody in this world loves them – though that’s one of the commonest lies the enemy tells us – for we have all tasted of God’s sweet liquid Love. Oh, how sweet! When He pours His liquid Love into my heart; that is the greatest pleasure in the world.

    Whenever we love one another with the Love of God, the Love of God in their hearts reignites too. We cannot love without the Love of God. Whatever we genuinely love, even if it’s a career or hobby, aircraft or reading, we love it with the Love of God. That’s why regardless of what happens to us when we’re doing something we genuinely love with the Love of God, we’re not in despair.

    So I want you to be conscious of all good things. May your consciousness fill up with only thoughts that put a smile on your face. Learn to worship God in your everyday life. Set your affections towards God. Every other thing wears us out, trust me. Loving is effortless. Whenever you find that you’re struggling with Love, pray to the LORD in you. Learn to go on your knees more. Cultivate that habit. It makes your life more refreshed and purposeful. Now you understand when I always end my message with this;

    I love you ❤