Resonance

Category: Hurt

  • Nocebo Effect: What Is Your Brain Looking Forward To?

    We’ve known times without number how powerful the brain is. Sometimes we can trick our brains to do the seemingly impossible. Other times, our brain tricks us that the situation is seemingly impossible. Placebo and Nocebo effects are no different. Hope you’ve heard of Placebo before; A patient swallows a sugar pill that lacks active medicine and yet pain falls away, nausea recedes, mood lifts. It was first experimented by John Haygarth, a British physician, in 1799. God knows how many years the pharmaceutic industry has made money from this. Since you have heard a lot about Placebo, let’s delve more into Nocebo. How is it applicable in our everyday lives?

    Nocebo is on the other side of the extreme; it is when the placebo makes you feel worse. So, basically, a doctor gives you a sugar pill and tells you there will be side effects; every time you take the medicine, you will feel dizzy, nausea and a little migraine. Though the drug has no medical effect, you will still anticipate and experience the side effects for real. Have you ever felt sick and then googled it before? What happens after you know all the symptoms you are supposed to have and how deadly the disease is?

    Sometimes what we know causes us to worry, be anxious and fear. This is why we say ignorance is bliss. Not that being ignorant is a good thing, but sometimes not knowing how painful or distressing something is, makes us more positive to face it upfront. The word “melancholy” relates to both intelligence and sadness. When you know a lot, it can easily make you sad. You simply look all around and all you see is people living in bondage without knowing they could be free. It’s simply heartbreaking to see people choose folly, stupidity and mediocrity time and again. As if they have been programmed to be that stupid.

    Sometimes what we know can stop us from experiencing what we don’t know, even if it may be a good experience. Our brain is super excellent at relating seemingly unrelated things together. Like when someone who promised to text you forgets and it reminds you of when your teacher in Primary 4 promised to reward you for your outstanding performance but didn’t. It was the beginning of you not trusting people too much anymore. This Nocebo effect cautions us from experiencing something tremendous in our lives just because we remember a similar situation in the past where we failed or were disappointed.

    Our brain not only picks the cue from only our experiences but from other people’s experiences we know of as well. Perhaps, the reason why certain unnecessarily weird circumstances keep coming our way is that we keep “hoping” for it to happen. Just because it happened to your mother; it’s a thing in your family; it happened to the only one who was courageous enough to try; it happened to someone you feel you are a really like; doesn’t mean it will happen to you. Until you get it out of your subconscious mind and stop anticipating its manifestation, it is more likely to happen. It is unnecessary to know everything that can go wrong if you don’t care to know what could go right. You don’t want sound mental health?

    nocebo effect exists but placebo your way through

    So I entrust you to look for the good things in life; look for the good in people you relate to and hope that they manifest in your life as well. We all know that there are bad times and tough seasons in life but please; don’t carry that burden in your subconscious mind and be anticipating weird negative scenarios. You are not a hero for predicting doom accurately. Rather anticipate you coming out of the difficult times stronger and better. Let your hopes be good.

    I love you

  • Stop Raping Women

    Dear men,

    Treating a girl like shit doesn’t make you a man. It makes you more of an animal.

    Every girl has experienced sexual harassment in some form. It will shock you to know the number of girls you know that have been sexually abused. As a guy, you also know at least one guy who brags about taking advantage of girls. Therefore, this rape culture is not far-fetched. Don’t act like it’s happening elsewhere.

    You may not be the problem but make sure you’re not part of it. Stop hyping yourself for never taking advantage of a girl against her will. If you hype what is meant to be normalized, you normalize what is meant to be discouraged. Treating a girl like a human being is normal. It’s not an achievement. It’s the bare minimum.

    Don’t wait till someone rapes your relative or friend until you realize the severity of this problem. Imagine being a girl and having to be constantly taking precautions literally from birth to avoid getting raped? How about we denormalize rape? Adding insult to injury, society blames the girl for falling victim as if those who rape cannot be stopped.

    If girls don’t feel comfortable around you, you’re part of the problem. If you’re always demeaning women, you’re part of the problem. You coerce girls to do things with you, you’re part of the problem. If you still hang out with friends who undermine women, you’re still part of the problem. If your first instinct is to question what the girl did or didn’t do when she fell victim, dude you’re a BIG part of the problem.

    Stop treating women like they are some sex objects, a minority group or second-class citizens. And if you STILL don’t see where the problem is, you’re the worst part of the problem.

    If you’re not supporting the #saynotorape movement, then it speaks volumes about you. Stop avoiding the subject. Stop running away from the real issue. It’s not about what women should do anymore. The question is, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? What you’re doing is either encouraging the culture or annihilating it.

    If you still think that “real” men aren’t the problem, how about you fight side by side with women? What about that? How about you let go of those shallow-minded, unwilling-to-learn-yet-really-dumb friends you have. You have a voice. Use it!

  • Everyone Hurts

    There’s so much hurt in the world. There’s too much pain. Everyone hurts. Sometimes we may not have enough time to cry but we bleed anyways. Some don’t just go around exposing their vulnerability and be looking for sympathizers in their situation, though some others do.

    The mental trauma and instability is so alarming that being rude to anyone at all – even those we think we know so much – is stupendously uncalled for. Don’t be part of the problem. Be the light that shines in the darkness.

    People are going through so much. You are going through so much. Don’t isolate yourself into thinking you’re the only one. But guess what? One random act of kindness brings mutual healing. Hug somebody. Mind somebody. Love somebody. They need it, yes! But you need it too.

    I love you ❤️

  • Jack & Jill: A Uni Love Story

    Jack & Jill: A Uni Love Story

    Jill was a freshman in college who is dating an older guy named Jack. She has worn her heart all over her sleeve in this relationship. She has told him (and he has told her) that they will be married someday. They’ve talked of family, dreams, careers, homes, and everything they possibly can. Because they believe they will end up married, they have had a really hard time keeping the relationship pure. I think they just might make it because I see how much they love each other.

    But right now, Jack is barely interested in pursuing her, and they are taking a “break” from the relationship. He’s more interested in his band, his friends and his future. Why shouldn’t he be? He already has her right where he wants her.

    She is heartbroken and finds it difficult to wake up in the morning. She is experiencing some of the pain that comes because she made choices characteristic of the “crash and burn” in the area of her conduct. She is as committed to him as if she were married to him and finds herself unsatisfied. In having everything she wanted in the relationship very quickly, she found herself in a period where she has nothing of the relationship. She forgot that she was single. She forgot that she belongs to herself and God during this season of her life.

    Learn from Jill. If the state still recognizes you as single, don’t live like a married couple. If you give all your heart to a guy so early, he’d stop pursuing you soon enough because there’s nothing more left for him to keep on pursuing. Never open your legs to someone who doesn’t know your heart; never open your heart to someone who doesn’t know your mind.

    I love you ❤️

  • Can Goodness Be Taken Advantage of?

    Can Goodness Be Taken Advantage of?

    But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
    Galatians 5:22 NKJV

    Goodness cannot be taken advantage of. What people take advantage of is insecurities. When you are insecure about doing good to others, you basically care about your public image, the show you’re putting up, how people will see you and praise you, how you can use your goodness now for a favor later. True goodness is not ignorant or blind. People take advantage of whatever that is ignorant and blind. True goodness understands the situation, sees the need, has the resources and is willing to help.

    True goodness is not forced or coerced. True goodness is a decision to help when you are willing and able. True goodness is not to the benefit of others and a detriment to yourself. That is a dualistic thinking. Not every situation is dualistic. Giving someone an advantage does not necessarily put you at a disadvantage. Your parents spending huge sums of money on you is not to their disadvantage.

    Sacrifice is not detrimental, how much more goodness. Don’t be shortsighted. Look at the big picture. Yes! Sacrifice is costly. But we choose the value we place on anything, including ourselves. If it’s worth it, it’s worth sacrificing for. If we don’t learn to prioritise what really matters in the long run and sacrifice for it, we would hold on to everything there is and eventually lose everything. Laying down your life for someone is not necessarily killing yourself. Every parent understands this perfectly.

    Goodness is not only giving what we have materially. Sometimes all the other person needs is not the amount of money they are asking from you and will be unable to pay. Sometimes they just need the peace of mind you’re not willing to give away. That will mean not giving them what they think they need in the short term but what you know would be beneficial in the long term

    Goodness from time immemorial has been a coverup for a hidden motive or evil deeds that need not be seen. That is the kind of goodness that can be taken advantage of. Why? Because such a goodness has to be put up to cover up. There are top businesses in the world that grant auditors huge sums of money to shut up concerning their fraudulent transactions.

    When you’re insecure about goodness, you do good out of convenience and pity. Perhaps, it’s your way of putting people under you. Or a sure way to avoid controversy. Or even a way of pleasing the public eye. Insecure goodness can be blackmailed. Anyone can do good. Even some serial killers in history have donated parts of the bodies of their victims for the good of science. But truly doing good emanates from being truly good.

    It is absurd to think goodness can be abused. Can you abuse your mom’s love for you? Can you abuse the sun’s energy? Can you abuse the oxygen you breathe? Can you abuse the grace of God? Certainly not! Whatever goodness we abuse affects us more than the source of goodness. If you have a friend who is willing to support you no matter what, and you think you can abuse them and you indeed do, you lose their trust but they never lose their kindness. Think about it.

    Sometimes I wonder if Mother Theresa would have remained Mother Theresa in this system of ours. I believe she would. In fact, there are more people with her heart now than ever before. Don’t let the system fool you. Those who linger close to the top and abuse whatever goodness there is never make it for long. Everyone at the top is a philanthropist. Whoever wants to make it to the top must have the mindset of giving back to society.

    There is a kind of goodness that emanates from empathy and compassion. It causes us to do good because we ARE good. We are the epitome of goodness when the reason for our goodness is because we have seen a need that we can address. True goodness is a response to the call of the universe to address the needs of our fellow selves. True goodness does not take advantage of. True goodness gives advantage to.

    So, don’t stop doing good because people did you bad. Do good because you are good. The world has been changed and will change a thousand times by the littlest of goodness shown. Think about all the people and works that came to stay throughout history from the first civilisation to date. Don’t fear your goodness will be taken advantage of. Be glad that you’re the vessel being used to make a positive impact in the lives of the people around you.

    I love you ❤

  • The Hard Truth

    People only care about you only when they are gaining something from you. People will appreciate you a lot only when you are a beneficiary to them. They will like you as long as you are what they want you to be.

    And when you suddenly aren’t able to help them, YOU become the bad person. They try to make you the victim of their demise. They begin to despise you for your neglect.

    Familiarity. They have familiarized themselves with your ever-helping hand. They have grown accustomed to your never-relentless presence.

    Entitlement. They now feel entitled to your help. You are supposed to help them fix the mess they created for themselves.

    Expectations. They expect you to be there for them. They don’t even know what their intentions are. They don’t know that they are valuing things and using people.

    When you don’t do what they expected you to do, then they say you’ve changed. They expect you to defend them against others even if they are wrong. Why? Because we are friends? Then how different are we from those who have no values, lack integrity yet only do well in covering each other’s back.

    I’d rather be a man of pure integrity than a man of many friends.

    I don’t believe in the product as much as I believe in the process. I will always stand for the truth and believe the best about others. But if my circle begins to believe I’m not a good person, I’d rather be in the anomalies as long as they resonate a positive vibe I can thrive in. It’s better to live in the desert than to live with a nagging wife.