But speaking the truth in love may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: Ephesians 4:15 KJV
The only thing deeper than truth is love. Love and truth are the most misunderstood, most controversial, most misinterpreted yet the most needful. There can be differences between anything and everything because of truth. In the same vein, there can be similarities between anything and everything because of love. Both are the web that ties and chains all things as unending and complex as the universe itself. Both are the most unknown, yet the most searched for.
There is a difference between speaking the truth in love and loving to speak the truth. People normally offend others with their words and justify themselves by saying, “but that’s the truth”. The truth is never meant to hurt but heal. Disappointment hurts but Hope restores. That’s the Truth. There is difference between the Truth, and the emotions in which the truth is expressed. Hear me well! So if something is true and you say it in a rude way, you have communicated the truth in death. Don’t use the truth to hurt. Stop expressing the Truth in envy, bitterness, anger, jealousy etc. The only right way to communicate truth is in love.
Speaking the truth in love is not the extreme too, where the truth is sugarcoated and made to lose its essence. That dilutes the truth into lies. You cannot love someone more than God. Godly sorrow leads to repentance. What we are saying is, communicate the truth with your mouth from a heart of love. There’s a place of pure genuine integrity where the truth expresses itself perfectly in Love. That place is Abba’s heart. In fact, that’s where all people are; in Abba’s heart.
Love is the Ultimate truth. It is the beginning and the end. It is both the source and the focus of truth. Therefore, truth outside of love ceases to be truth. Just like everything else in the natural order, truth has boundaries, not limitations. The boundary of truth is love. Love is what protects the cell structure of truth. Love is truth. If there was no love, there wouldn’t be a need for truth.
When someone who speaks the Truth in Love speaks, everyone always loves to listen. Not because there is a showoff of wisdom, but because there is this Love we can all connect to. That is what Abba Father created all things to be. Everything that has breath gives life. Life is not only given in sexual reproduction, but in other forms of production and reproduction, especially in our words.
The Wise Man says; What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words. Proverbs 18:21 GNB
Whenever you hear something doctrinal and it puts you in fear and shame or it grips you like a force of bondage, then you didn’t hear the truth. The Truth ALWAYS liberates you. It sets you free from your own thinking; your own limits; your own restraint.
When you hang around people who are broken, our compassion makes us feel and understand what they think, but that doesn’t mean that we should take up their mindset. Compassion becomes perversion when we reduce our convictions to embrace the crooked. Christianity is not a calling into isolation, where we isolate ourselves entirely from people due to their negativities; poor, broken, rude, hot-tempered, gay, bully, or naughty. Christianity is not compromise of convictions either.
If no isolation at one extreme, then no compromise at other extreme either. People hang out with the poor and then develop a negative attitude against the rich. Pastors accept everyone for who they are, even homosexuals, and then develop a theology that supports homosexuality. How are you bringing light when you become darkness?
Hanging out with people who don’t believe in godly values doesn’t mean we have to take up their conviction. It is wrong to avoid gays because you’re the help from God they need. But it is equally wrong when we try to defend their stance as though it is right. That is NOT compassion. That is compromise.
You don’t have to change your convictions to love a homosexual. You’re not even helping the homosexual when you change your convictions. Jesus had great compassion for the lady who committed adultery and was about to be stoned. Jesus didn’t condemn her. Neither did He support her. Love is NOT Incompassionate compromise. Love is uncompromising Compassion.
The Truth always operates in Love. Truth spoken outside Love breeds fear. Fear breeds slaves and self-righteous hubris. Truth spoken in Love breeds freedom and hope. Freedom breeds joy and peace.
We all get tired. Even the strongest believers sometimes feel drained. Some feel stuck. Others begin to gradually lose interest and give up. Many get sick and tired of being tired and sick. Even leaders and pastors who spend their lives strengthening others can often find themselves empty. God, in His wisdom, has built a spiritual system to keep His people from collapsing in the vicissitudes of life. He designed a divine rhythm for the soul; edification, exhortation, and comfort. It is God’s healing system for the whole person (spirit, soul, and body) and the whole Body. It is how He keeps His family standing, growing, and enduring until the end. Next week, we will talk about the Mystery of Encouragement but for now, let’s establish the doctrinal side of it.
Edification: Increasing Our Capacity
The word edify comes from the Greek oikodomeō which means to build up. It is the act of strengthening, forming, and maturing until a life becomes stable. Spiritually, edification is God’s way of stretching our capacity to carry His life. When you are edified, something within you expands. Your faith deepens, your understanding widens, and your endurance strengthens. You become more capable of carrying divine weight.
“And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up.” (Acts 20:32)
God builds us through teaching, truth, and time. Like a master builder laying one stone after another, He establishes your inner man until you can contain more of His strength, more of His wisdom, and more of His people. We do not grow by accident. We grow because the Spirit keeps laying stone upon stone, truth upon truth, grace upon grace. Edification is how God turns the fragile into giants.
Exhortation: Increasing Our Expectation
Once you have been built up, you must be stirred up. Exhortation comes from the Greek paraklēsis which means to call near, to urge, to appeal. It is the voice from Heaven that says, “Do not give up. Lift your eyes again.”Sometimes you know the truth, but you no longer expect it to happen. You are built up but not stirred up. That is when the Spirit exhorts. He calls you near, speaks courage into your heart, and rekindles anticipation for what God will yet do.
“Let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works… exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25)
Exhortation raises your expectation. It awakens the dormant parts of your faith. It moves you from “I know” to “I believe again.” Through a message, a friend, or the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit, God exhorts His children to rise. The fire may be small, but exhortation breathes upon it until it burns bright again.
Comfort: Increasing Our Threshold
Comfort is not about removing pain. It is about raising the threshold to endure it. Comfort comes from paramuthia, meaning to speak closely, to console, to strengthen. It is the tender voice of God in the midst of trial.
“Blessed be God, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforteth us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4)
When life feels unbearable, the Comforter sits beside you. He does not scold you for weeping. He stays with you through it. Comfort increases your threshold, your ability to face tomorrow without collapsing today. The comfort of God is not sentimental. It is strengthening. It restores your equilibrium, renews your peace, and brings sanity back to your soul. Comfort does not make life easier. It makes you stronger.
God’s System for the Prosperity of your Soul
This threefold process of edification, exhortation, and comfort is God’s divine therapy for the believer. It is how He balances spiritual maturity with emotional wellbeing. It is how He keeps your spirit sharp, your faith alive, and your heart tender. Built up, stirred up, and held up. That is the full rhythm of what I call God’s architecture of Grace.
God never intended anyone to walk alone. From Eden to the early Church, His answer to human needs has always been another person. He builds through teaching and discipleship. He stirs through encouragement and prophecy. He heals through companionship and compassion.
> “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17) “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
When you isolate yourself, you disconnect from this system. Isolation dries the soul. Even pastors need edification. Even prophets need exhortation. Even apostles need comfort. God’s love often comes disguised as a friend who refuses to give up on you, a mentor who speaks correction where you don’t see one, or a circle of friends who simply sits with you in silence. His help usually comes with a human face. A true Word from God will always carry this triadic essence. It will build, stir, and heal. When you stay in fellowship, you stay within God’s healing cycle. The Church is not a club of perfect people but a living organism through which grace circulates. Each believer is both a receiver and a dispenser of Grace.
“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
You are God’s instrument of renewal to someone else. Your word, your prayer, your listening ear may be Heaven’s hand to a weary soul. And in your own day of need, that same grace will return to you through others.
God’s Architecture of Grace
Edification increases your capacity to grow. Exhortation raises your expectation to believe. Comfort strengthens your threshold to endure. Together, they form the architecture of grace, the system by which the Spirit constructs, energises, and heals His people. When God builds you, He does not only strengthen your spirit. He heals your mind, renews your emotions, and strengthens your endurance. We are built to last, established to be immovable and in a system that will preserve until you finish your race.
So when you feel weary, do not withdraw. Do not hide your pain. You may be tired, but you are not alone. The same Spirit that builds, stirs, and comforts is reaching for you still to help you stand until the end.
Last week, we discussed Judges 6:1-12 in the light of taking territories for the Kingdom of God. This week, we will focus on the encounter God had with Gideon.
An Encounter Exposes Your Heart
When God encounters a man, the man can only communicate what is truly in his heart. You can encounter God and say no to Him although your mind would have chosen a positive answer. It’s like meeting an important figure in an impromptu situation where you can’t possibly come up with a better idea in your mind so what is in your heart is exposed. Zechariah the high priest (father of John the Baptist) had no reason to doubt until his encounter exposed the little doubt lingering in his heart.
Jacob didn’t make up his mind to wrestle but alas, all his desperation to see the manifest blessings of Abraham in his life took over him. Just look at how Gideon is talking to God. When you face an impossible situation, how do you talk to God? Your mind knows that God cares about you but your heart will say “carest not Thou that we perish?”. This is just the 7th book in the Bible and Gideon is already doubting that God is with His people. God’s Mighty Hand looks like past tense to a generation delivered into the hands of the enemy.
When we forsake God by doing evil in His Sight, we later complain that He has rather forsaken us and delivered us into the enemy’s hands. It’s amazing that God’s elect is thinking this way. These are the thoughts of defeat and deceit. I pray God takes us through situations that will expose and rectify every foolish idea we have of Him. Some of us think He is too slow. Others think He is such a reluctant person. Until we know who God is, we will never know true strength. “They that know their God shall be strong…”. The goal was to greatly impoverish the nation but the real objective was to alter their perspective of God in order to keep them weak.
An Encounter is a Turning Point
The LORD turned to Gideon. There is a turning point where destiny-defining decisions are made. Do you know Moses decided to turn aside before having an encounter at the burning bush? It takes the Mercy of God for Him to turn to a man because according to the protocol, it is rather man who must turn to God for Him to respond. When we disobey God, we turn our backs on Him. When we turn to God, He shows us mercy. When God causes His countenance to shine upon you, you are highly favoured. When He turns away from you, you are irredeemable. Turn to the LORD!
When God turns to us, we reflect Him as His image. That’s why He told Gideon to “go in this might of yours”. This Might of Mine has reflected in you and is your Might right now. Many are looking for the Hand of God in their lives when their hands were designed to be gloves of God’s hands. Until we begin to walk in the reality of being in the image and likeness of God, our encounter is not yet complete. An encounter is when we behold as in a glass the unveiled Glory of God so we are transformed from a greatly impoverished fellow who is the weakest in the clan and least in his father’s house to a mighty man of valour. The first turning point is an identity shift.
God was talking to Gideon as though Gideon was just like Him; “you shall save Israel…” (verse 15) & “you shall defeat the Midianites as one man”. God is going to do through Him. Yes! The Words He has just spoken over Gideon empowers him to fully walk in it. However, until it becomes Gideon’s reality, that Word has not taken root in the heart of Gideon yet. We were created to represent the fullness of God in this earth realm. “Let Us make man in Our own Image, according to Our own likeness”. We settle for less at our own peril.
An Encounter Leaves You With a Sign
It actually takes time to incubate the seed of Glory sown into your heart. It takes time to brood over the experience, and time to also walk in the reality of the encounter. Therefore, a sign must be given so that you first of all believe in this thing that goes beyond your cerebral capacity. The reason for a sign goes beyond this, though. Mary was given a sign that Elizabeth was pregnant in old age, and she went to visit her. Gideon asked for a sign right away. It feels surreal, the experience. It sounds like an almost impossible situation too, what God is communicating. Perhaps, that’s why it requires an encounter.
One of the protocols of an encounter, especially in the Old Testament, is that you have to offer a pleasing sacrifice of a sweet smelling aroma to the Lord. Samson’s parents had a similar encounter, and so did Abraham. Apart from that, an altar ought to be built to eternalize the encounter in the physical space. Every encounter reveals an aspect of God. All the names and attributes of God we know were not spoken by God alone. On many occasions, they were spoken by men after they had encountered God in that regard. Gideon encountered Jehovah Shalom, and that is why we know that He is the God of Peace, even before we experientially encounter His peace for ourselves too.
When an encounter is stewarded, a “ladder” is created from earth towards Heaven where mere men can encounter God in the same light. Jacob thought his head was on a random stone, only to encounter God in the same physical location Abraham had encountered God. There is a protocol that allows everyone to walk in the reality of your encounter with God. By encountering you, we encounter the God who encountered you. There are certain assignments of God no man should dare touch until they have an encounter with God. Until you encounter God for yourself, He will remain the God of your fathers. When you encounter Him, He now becomes your God because you know Him personally.
Today, we discussed Judges 6:13-24, hoping to continue yet again God willing next week. Kindly leave a comment and don’t forget to share to bless someone. Thank you
We live in a generation where morality and integrity have become a matter of opinion. Moral bankruptcy is so high that in many contexts, those who choose to do the right thing are made to feel bad and those who do what is bad feel good about it. Because as human as we are we need a sense of belonging and acceptance, we compromise and become complacent just to fit in. Sooner or later, we lose our conscience and we are just like everyone else. Living a certain lifestyle because “everyone is doing it” is the dumbest logic if not one of the dumbest.
We are living in a generation that has made promiscuity look so easy and integrity, difficult. Which one is more difficult to do, fleeing from danger or embracing danger? If we are embracing promiscuity, it is because we have viewed it as a place of comfort rather than that of danger. Physical attraction is an animal instinct and the sex drive is pretty much proactive in our youth. Nonetheless, giving in to our bodily passions can bring about consequences much more dilapidating to even our bodies. We cannot always control how we feel, especially in the sexual sense. What we can do, however, is control what we do when we feel what we feel. Surely, our actions can fuel or dissolve whatever we feel in any context.
Your Feelings Are Not Your Justification
Acting based on our feelings makes us as immature and desperate as a cock on heat. In the same vein, we cannot always control what we think about. What we can control is what we do with that thought. No matter what, the final decision of what action to take lies in our hands; whether we would be caught up in the moment, act based on our feelings, get carried away or act otherwise. We, therefore, have no justifiable excuse, especially when there are many righteous examples to follow and a sweet Spirit to assist us in our daily affairs. Promiscuity is a choice. Therefore, if it has us, it is we who gave it the chance.
Having a Form of Godliness yet Living in Sin
“Jesus saw Nathaniel coming towards him, and saith of him, “Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile.” John 1:47
If Jesus looks at us today, can He see us as a person of integrity, in whom there is no guile? Or are we still hiding behind Jesus from the Father, deceiving ourselves that “when God looks at us, He doesn’t see us? He sees Jesus.” Remember, friendship with the world is enmity with God. It’s not that God is so angry that He would destroy us, but Jesus. No! Just as righteousness gives us right standing with God, living in sin gives us a “wrong” standing with God, where we place ourselves as enemies of God. We make ourselves enemies of God and oppose Him when all He wants from us is friendship.
A life of integrity cannot be lived outside of Christ. In Christ, the only life we can live is a life of integrity. Always remember that.
You Can Have a Fresh Start
The most amazing thing about all this is that, when we fall, we have an advocate who lifts us right back up when we repent. Our slates are wiped clean as if we never did it and the sin is never held against us. What more could we have asked for to live uprightly?
And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34 GNB
Romans 5:5 says, “This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God’s gift to us.”
Someone may ask now; how will I get this Love of God to love people?
The Love of God is not far-fetched. It has been poured and is continually being poured into our hearts till we love all people with this very love. When someone is giving you a hard time, your prayer shouldn’t be that God should punish them so that they see their offence. Your prayer should be that God should pour more of His Love for them into your heart. The truth is this: brotherly love, romantic love and parental love – they all get tired and wear out eventually. The Love of God is eternal and continually renews within you.
You can only love one another with the Love of God when you have experienced this Love of God for yourself. And no one in the world can say that nobody in this world loves them – though that’s one of the commonest lies the enemy tells us – for we have all tasted of God’s sweet liquid Love. Oh, how sweet! When He pours His liquid Love into my heart; that is the greatest pleasure in the world.
Whenever we love one another with the Love of God, the Love of God in their hearts reignites too. We cannot love without the Love of God. Whatever we genuinely love, even if it’s a career or hobby, aircraft or reading, we love it with the Love of God. That’s why regardless of what happens to us when we’re doing something we genuinely love with the Love of God, we’re not in despair.
So I want you to be conscious of all good things. May your consciousness fill up with only thoughts that put a smile on your face. Learn to worship God in your everyday life. Set your affections towards God. Every other thing wears us out, trust me. Loving is effortless. Whenever you find that you’re struggling with Love, pray to the LORD in you. Learn to go on your knees more. Cultivate that habit. It makes your life more refreshed and purposeful. Now you understand when I always end my message with this;
Why should you listen twice as much as you speak; because you have two ears and one mouth? Perhaps, so. This is what my intuition taught me;
Whenyou speak, you only consolidate what you already know. But when you listen, you receive something new.
Whether it’s just an opinion, an idea, a view, perspective or fact, truth, knowledge, experience, insight, we always learn something new when we listen. The Bible says, “at the mouth of two or three witnesses, a fact is established.” (Matt 18:16, 2 Cor 13:1, Deut 19:15). That means even if you’re listening to what you already know, you establish it. And who doesn’t love confirmation?
Themoreyouspeak, themoreyouexposeyourignorance.
When you speak for long, instead of expressing your knowledge, you rather expose your ignorance. The Bible says, “the more you talk, the more likely you are to sin. If you’re wise, you will keep quiet.” (Prov 10:19). That is not to say that keep your ignorance to yourself. But when you bubble on and on, everybody tends to naturally lose interest in what you’re saying. That is a good sign that you should probably stop there. Communication involves listening to each other. So sometimes, ask your statements in question form and you would learn something new.
Listeningisthefoundationofconnection.
Have you ever stopped to listen to birds tweet? Do you remember how you became friends with so-and-so person? Have you ever fallen in love with a song so much that you play it over and over? The underlying question is, how did you connect? By listening. And the more you listened effortlessly with the ears of your heart, the more you connected. This is because when we listen, we become vulnerable enough for the heart to connect directly.
Listen to the sermon. Listen to your parents. Listen to your tutors. Listen to nature. Listen to good music. Listen to trusted friends. Listen to yourself. Listen to God. And by doing so, you not only learn something knew, you connect. This is true humanity; A childlike vulnerability that make us connect with our inner self, humanity, nature, and the divine. See how listening is such a sweet loving and important thing in our humanity. Remember; be quick to listen and slow to speak.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19 NIV
Imagine being a King. Everything you create becomes a slave to you. Then one day, you look in the mirror. You see your image. It smiles when you smile. It talks when you talk. Then you get a wonderful idea. “Since I can do whatever I want, how about I give life to my image. He will rule over everything I’ve created. He will think like me, and be my best friend.
What’s my point? Without downplaying the established fact that God created us to worship Him, the primary reason God created us is for intimacy. For us to understand how much He desires us, He intentionally creates everything apart from what Adam could actually be very intimate with; a woman. This was somewhat Adam’s first experience of how God feels when He sees us.
As soon as Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh“, he fundamentally understood in his own experience our intimacy with God. “For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.” We will never fundamentally understand God as our Father until we become a parent. We will never fundamentally understand God as our Husband until we fall in love. What’s my point? Your whole experience in life, regardless of the fall of man, was designed to bring you into experiential knowledge and intimacy with God.
Even giving birth to someone who looks or behaves like you in one form or another makes us understand what it’s like to be born of God and be in His image. And Adam …. begot a son in his own likeness, after his image, Genesis 5:3 says.
It’s interesting to know that Moses used the Hebrew word yada as the verb in Genesis 4:1; “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived”. It’s obvious Adam had sexual intercourse with Eve, but Moses didn’t use sakab which he used in Genesis 19:33 to refer to Lot’s daughter sleeping with his Dad. The connotation is, we know someone on a very different level after having intercourse with them. Intimacy is not just sakab, it’s yada.
Isn’t it interesting that the Bible says that “in Him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge? Not just the fact that it’s ALL. It’s also the fact that it is not only found in Him, but hidden in Him. He wants intimacy. He wants yada. That’s why He speaks in mysteries. These mysteries will never be understood outside of relationship. It’s just information when you’re outside of intimacy. It’s transformational when He reveals to you in the confides of His intimacy with you.
That’s why your dreams from God are not straightforward. He doesn’t want you to replace Him with a dream manual. He wants you to yada with Him till He reveals it to you. That’s why it’s wrong to seek God for ministry or revelation or insight. You’re saying, “I want the fruit of intimacy without the intimacy”. That’s why your prayers aren’t getting answered. You want the benefits but you don’t want to commune with Him. The prerequisite for getting all your prayers answered is yada. “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you.“
I’ve given you the secret of the covenant. Write it in your journal. Meditate on it. This is why we seek God. This is why God always speaks in a mystery. This is why we meditate on God’s Word. By meditating, we yada Him.
Emotions are chemical reactions in our body. When you “feel for someone”, that’s an emotional chemical reaction. The problem with emotions is that it changes every 5 seconds. Chemicals are never stable. Love is not emotions. Love is more of a knowing than a feeling. Of course, love can be felt but the feelings of love ought to be the fruit – not the root – of love.
It takes 8.2 seconds for a guy to fall in love. The average guy has had a crush on dozens of girls. Some he has never met, some he seldom meets, some he often meets, some are twice his age, some are celebrities, some are even married. Some he had a crush on for many years, some just months, some a few days. This is totally natural. So if a guy is obsessed with you, ladies it is nothing new.
Love is not blind.
Research has shown that if you have a crush on someone, your brain overlooks their flaws and they tend to appear “perfect”. This seem to look like love but isn’t. Love is intentional not accidental.
There are two reasons why we have a crush on someone;
1. Because we seldom meet the person. Thus, the person appears perfect anytime we see them. We crush on them because we desire to have them with us.
2. Because we always see them. They are usually around so we get intimate. We crush on them because we fear losing them. We have come to understand them and they have become a part of us.
Reason 1 is responsible for most of the crushes we usually have. We usually have strong unexplainable connections with people we least expect. This is as a result of them being a projection of something we like and/or desire to have in us or with us that we see in them. When we crush on them, we usually want to get to know them more because we really don’t.
Reason 2 is responsible for shifting the paradigm into a love relationship something that once started as mere friendship. We’d rather spend the rest of our lives with someone we have known and trusted and have come to realise that we’ve fallen in love with than with another who enchants us with their mystery. It is called the mere exposure effect.
How long a crush lasts is no justification for its authenticity.
Someone can have a crush on you for years and you may feel the need to reward their persistence. That is pity-love. That will surely not last and may end in a bad fashion. Love is mutual.
What then do you do when you have a crush on someone you want to have something special and serious with? Cultivate it. Love suffers at high speeds. Love is patient. Once you begin to develop feelings for someone, you are careful not to mess it up. It can easily turn to lust when it is directed in the sexual path rather than being on the empathic path. Get to experientially know the person and understand the different dimensions of the person; intellectually, mentally, spiritually. In this way, the heart, head and hand can fully connect on a whole different level with your crush. Now there’s not only a crush, there’s a bond.
The more attached you are to someone or something, the more expectations you have for him/her/it. You’d expect a reciprocation of every affection and effort. Do good to others, not so they will reciprocate it, but because YOU want to do good. Love someone, not so that they will love you back, but because YOU choose to love the person. More people are broken, not just because they chose to love someone, but because they expected similar reciprocation. The easiest way to rid yourself of such expectations is to break such attachments.
In the local sense of the word, attachment signifies a complete reliance on an entity such that the end of that entity is doom on your part as well. Consider an attachment to a firm; the firm takes advantage of your expertise and at the end of the day, chooses to pay you whatever amount they deem appropriate. They may choose not to even pay you. After all, the firm existed without you and will definitely flourish without you. You need them, they don’t. They can therefore use your need for them to their advantage. I may seem to be exaggerating but at least you get the picture.
Goodness cannot be taken advantage of. It is insecurities that people take advantage of, and such insecurities mean you’ll forever be a slave to what you’ve wrongly attached yourself to.
The irony of it is, the very thing you have made your life is what is causing you death if you fall into such a trap. Who have you fallen so much in love with? What have you become so vulnerable to? What has charmed you? Has it made you so blind and desperate that it is slowly eating you up? Is it worth fighting for or you’re just being insecure? Instead of fighting all signs, why don’t you just face your fears?
Engage yourself. Engagement is balance. The value given is the value received. It is togetherness so strong that it’s tantamount to oneness. There is a coming together. Working together. A sharing. No one-way traffic. It’s a win-win situation. None is thinking about taking advantage, rather giving honour. There’s no strife. No insecurities that the other isn’t reciprocating similar effort. Each other’s weaknesses are made up for. Each other’s keeper indeed. When one is separated by distance, misunderstanding or even the vicissitudes of life, the other doesn’t suffocate. A tear is shed and life moves on.
When someone or something gets in the way of such engagement, especially one of importance, necessity and/or mutuality, it is not viewed as one coming to compete with the relationship, whether it’s family or close friends. Because in engagement, we are not slaves to ourselves. We are not entangled, we are connected. Each entity is self-reliant and interdependent. This is the kind of relationship we ought to have with one another, with the environment, and with the universe.
Happiness is an emotion that takes its root deep within our being. The human body secretes and circulates about 50 different hormones. These hormones include growth hormones, male and female hormones (hormones that produce secondary sexual characteristics in our body), stress hormones, sleep hormones and many others. In fact, hormones are chemical substances that are important in every activity within the human body. Consider hormones to be the magic spell that can change the physiology and behaviour of a person once released into the bloodstream. Happiness is no different.
There are 4 main hormones responsible for our happiness;
D for Dopamine
O for Oxytocin
S for Serotonin
E for Endorphin
Dopamine – the Reward Hormone
Also known as the pleasure hormone, dopamine is released when we achieve a goal or accomplish a task. That’s why women love shopping. Even drinking cold water on a hot day releases some level of dopamine. It is released while having sex, when we eat the food we crave and when we partake in an activity we love so much. It is the feel-good neurotransmitter, an essential part of the brain’s reward system.
Well, first of all you need to know an addiction is anything you do to reward yourself when you’re not in the mood. Our bodies release stress hormones whenever we are low on dopamine, thereby increasing the edge to do something pleasurable. Thus, choose your addictions wisely. Simple ways to increase your dopamine include eating healthily, sleeping well, listening to music, getting a massage and going shopping. Also, learn to reward yourself appropriately when you accomplish tasks.
Oxytocin and cortisol (stress hormone) oppose each other in our bodies. When one rises, the other falls. Thus, a deficiency in oxytocin has the same effect as an excess in cortisol. Signs of high cortisol include not sleeping well or waking up tired, weight gain (especially around the abdomen), cravings for unhealthy foods, backaches and headaches, low sex drive, anxiety, and depression.
Do you feel tired even when you’ve not completed any task? Do you feel disconnected in your relationship? You don’t even feel like yourself recently, right? Do you suddenly don’t feel like talking to anyone anymore? It’s like you just don’t have the energy to socialize, n’est pas? Have you walked by people you know and didn’t say hi, not because they annoy you but because you didn’t want to interact? That’s why sometimes when we feel this way, we just hug someone close for no reason.
How to increase Oxytocin levels
Oxytocin is a bonding chemical. Spend time with the ones you love, be goofy with your friends, share something valuable with someone, have a fruitful conversation with another. Laugh, share, help, touch, spread the love. Oxytocin is controlled by a positive feedback mechanism where the release of the hormone causes an action that stimulates more of its own release. It is nature’s way of passing on the love. It is making someone happy because you find happiness in that. At the end of the day, everyone’s happy.
Serotonin – the Calm Hormone
Serotonin is the hormone that is responsible for our emotional stability. It is considered the natural mood stabilizer. It is also present in animals, plants, and fungi. Thus, food is one good source of serotonin. You can’t directly get serotonin from food, but you can get it from tryptophan, an amino acid that’s converted to serotonin in your brain. Serotonin can be produced in the digestive system independent of the serotonin produced in the brain.
Function
Serotonin is associated with mood, sleep, digestion, blood clotting, bone density and sexual function. It makes us feel calmer, happier, more focused, less anxious and more emotionally stable. This hormoneis also influencing when, how much, and how well you sleep. It can also influence the frequency and intensity of the sexual feelings you have due to its effects on the body’s libido.
Excess Serotonin Effect
When people use certain recreational drugs, such as ecstasy, the body releases large amounts of serotonin. This can lead to serotonin depletion. Fluctuations of serotonin levels in the brain, which often occur when someone hasn’t eaten or is stressed, affects brain regions that enable people to regulate anger. The old adage was true; a hungry man is an angry man.
Do what you would usually do to lighten up your mood. Go for a walk, listen to your favourite music, opt for a massage, eat some good healthy food, especially those rich in fibre and protein, remember the fun times; those old happy memories, and most importantly, pray. Do you ever feel the burden suddenly lifted when you down on your knees in prayer? You sure have! All such activities calm you down and uplift your mood.
Endorphin – the Willpower Hormone
Contracted from endogenous morphine, endorphins are chemicals produced by the body to relieve stress and pain. It produces a feeling of euphoria that is both healthy and safe, without the risk of addiction and overdose. As an anti-anxiety hormone, it blocks discomfort and makes us excited. When endorphins are released in your body, it gives you the ability to power through any form of pain. That explains the name.
Function
Since humans naturally seek to feel pleasure and avoid pain, we’re more likely to do an activity if it makes us feel good. Endorphins alleviate pain even during childbirth, reduce stress and anxiety, boost self-esteem and reduce excess weight. It is the happy feeling produced when we exercise and feel good about ourselves and our bodies. This phenomenon is known as the runner’s high.
Excess Endorphin Effect
With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress. Endorphin is the body’s naturally produced pain killer that is released in relation to the level of pain it’s feeling. Without endorphins, the pain of labour and childbirth would have been practically impossible to bear since such pain exceeds a human’s threshold of pain. In such cases, the female body still produces high levels that are both healthy and safe, without the risk of addiction and overdose.
What are your coping mechanisms to get through the pain again? Yes! Eat chocolate, eat your favourite food, create art or music, laugh out loud, watch your favourite show, do what you had always loved to do. This adage was also right. When you do what you love, though it may be really stressful, your body will release just the right amount of endorphins you would need to get through it.
I believe everything in nature was purposefully designed to keep us happy. The beautiful sunrise, drinking water, the cosy weather, having a conversation, the bright flowers, laughing, eating your favourite food, walking out to soak it all in simply make us happy. It’s the simple things in life, to be honest.
It accelerates to keep me from dying from your elegance
My hands cringe as my soul clings to the rhythm
With you, the world neither spins nor twists and turns
The winds quieten as I feel your breath flow into mine
The paws
The pause increases my pulse as your paws scratch my hair
Our lips dance as all of Heaven kisses the face of the earth
I waited so long for this day, and it was worth the wait
Stop reading between the lines, there’s nothing here to see
The pores
Open your heart, close your eyes
Open the dance floor, up close let’s dance
Though we are very close, we are so open to each other
Though we’d close at some point, let’s leave it open
The pours
My heart glows in ways I can’t understand
It gushes forth with pure affection for you
I enjoy your company, I know you enjoy mine too
On a more serious note, I do not want this to end
The pause
Please press play, remind me of my busy schedules once more
Before I fall flat on my face and have you fill all of my mind
Let’s keep it like this, for love suffers at high speeds
We don’t have to press pause on either; we can have each other and with each other face the stress
I love you ❤️
This poem was inspired by the stresses of architecture school and the fun of living. The question is not whether we procrastinate or not. The question is, “what are we procrastinating?” We don’t have to “play” everything. We need to certainly pause at certain points because there are some stages in life we cannot skip. Learn to pause rather than “stop” because you’d wish you could “rewind” to relive those moments. Press forward!
