Category: Relationship

When Friends Fight: How to Resolve Friendship Breakups

It’s commonplace for friends to fight or have trouble getting along. Though fights aren’t easy to move forward from, they can make your relationship even better. Small battles can sometimes turn into big ones and you might have to work hard to sort it out. So it’s not surprising that a fight with a friend can be as heartbreaking as an argument with a partner. But conflict doesn’t have to lead to a “friendship breakup.”

The greatest interpersonal skill you could ever have is learning how to resolve misunderstandings, conflicts, quarrels, fights and issues that arise with time in every relationship. It’s not whether you fight or not; it’s whether you resolve your issues or let pride from both sides separate the bond. The best fights don’t occur between strangers. They occur between friends who trust each other. Once you learn how to resolve conflicts, you will no more fear that one could ruin everything for y’all. Let’s talk about some two things we lose sight of that could lead to friendship breakup;

Stop Avoiding the Issue by Pretending Everything is Fine

A small misunderstanding can turn into a big friendship breakup in the end if you pretend the disagreement never happens, so keep the lines of communication open. Talking through the situation is best because letting the situation linger can develop into feelings of neglect, disrespect, or even anger. Before you get heated with a friend, take a mental step back and really listen to what he says. If you’re not mature enough to respect others’ opinions, then perhaps the friendship breakup is the best option. But if you would like to mend the friendship, then apologize, and listen to the other person’s point of view. At the end of the day, people want to be heard.

We all make mistakes, but we all don’t admit that we do. Model how to be humble and how to talk about problems, and be bluntly honest about your own thoughts and feelings.” Express concern for the problem at hand and take responsibility for your own failures while learning from them.

It is Not Just About Having Good Intentions

I promised to send Bernice out on a date to KFC. I was so damn late and kept answering her calls with reassurance that I am already close by. Upon my arrival, I had a good excuse about how stressful my programme of study was and how I couldn’t finish my tasks on time. I apologised but Bernice was still mad. Not only did my explanations not soothe her, but they also seemed to make things worse. That started to make me angry.

Do you know what the problem was? I was stuck in my own perspective. I didn’t mean to be late, but that’s not the point. The point is that I was late. The point — and what’s important in my communication with her — is how my lateness impacted Bernice.” In other words, I was focused on my intention, while Bernice was focused on the consequences. She and I were having two different conversations. In the end, we both felt unacknowledged, misunderstood, and angry. The more I thought about the issue, the more I recognized that this battle—intention vs. consequences—was the root cause of so much interpersonal discord.

As it turns out, it’s not the intention that counts or even the action that counts. That’s because the other person doesn’t experience your thought or your action. He or she experiences the consequences of your action. When you’ve done something that upsets someone—no matter who’s right—always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions affected the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because in the end, your intentions don’t matter much.

What if you don’t think the other person is justified in feeling the way he or she does? It doesn’t matter. You’re striving for understanding, not for agreement. What I have found is that once I’ve expressed my understanding of the consequences, my need to justify my intentions dissipates. That’s because the reason I’m explaining my intentions is to repair the relationship. But I’ve already accomplished that by empathizing with her experience.

Misunderstandings are inevitable in life. Look, no two people will always think or act the exact same way. You will not always see eye-to-eye with friends. It’s necessary to place value on friendship. Remind yourself that there is one in a billion chances to meeting with such a person and connecting in the first place. You are not friends by chance or because you see them five times a week. You’re friends with Rhoda because you respect and value her.

Remember, everyone changes—including you. Basically, you’re not perfect, and they’re not perfect. Chances are, you’ve inadvertently hurt them as well, either past or present, so own that emotion and recognize it, which may make it easier to forgive. It takes two to tango, even in a friendship.

March 20, 2021
Childishness vs. Child-likeness II

Everyone has an inner child that we’d never lose as long as we live. No matter how old we grow, we’d still be someone’s child. But the expression of our child-ness is very important in every relationship. There are certain aspects of our inner child that certainly must grow, and then there are those aspects that we must never let go no matter how old we get.

Adulthood is crowned with complex reasoning that leads to needless worry. As long as we don’t lose our child-likeness, life’s journey will be nothing short of amazing even in the most bizarre moments.

CHILD-LIKENESS

Child-like wonder

A child will always ask the simplest of questions that have complex answers. According to a study in UK, curious kids ask a staggering 73 questions every day. “Why do people die?”, “how are babies born?”, “why is the sky blue?”, “how was I made?”. These questions are so simple that we think we have answers to them, but we usually don’t. Children are fascinated with the world around them and have all the time in the world to at least notice the minutest of details even though they cannot comprehend it.

When we lose our child-like wonder, we think we basically know the answers to everything. We explain everything away instead of simply letting ourselves be amazed by it. We miss the simplicity of fascination and the acknowledgement of a mysterious beauty that leaves us in awe. Sometimes we feel we have so many things to worry about than to be fascinated by nature and our surroundings. Remember, God is in the detail. It is the little things that do count. If we overlook the little things and focus on the “big” things, we’d be disappointed more times than necessary. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Child-like trust

Like children, we usually don’t know what’s best for us even when we think do. God wants us to trust him like a child trusts the parents. Even as parents, we generally don’t know what’s best for our kids. But we do know much more than kids do. We do know the consequences of their little actions – eating soap, playing with the kitchen knife, not doing their homework; the list goes on and on – and we try as much as we can to direct their paths and instruct them. God, on the other hand, knows all things. He is the only one big enough to see the bigger picture. The only way to trust God is with child-like trust.

There’s going to be a lot of mess, shortcomings, failures, heartbreak, division and misunderstandings so difficult and unending on our individual journeys that we don’t see how it’s gonna get any better in the end. There’s gonna be times when we think God’s promises are simply outrageous and that His decisions are questionable. It’s only by child-like trust – “It is so because Mom says so: It is so because God says so” – can we continue to trust God in the midst of the storm.

Child-like joy

This world is so full of troubles, trials, tribulations and torments. Life is hard. Life has a way of throwing new problems at us while we solve the old ones. We can all relate with how tough life can get no matter who we are. Some situations are clearly out of our control; there is nothing we can do about it. Those are the situations we worry about the most. Worry is not a sign of care. To understand the main differences between worrying and caring about something, click on the link to read Caring Too Much Without Worrying.

Not being worried also doesn’t mean pretending not to care. Having joy in the middle of the circumstance only comes after establishing your child-like trust in God. Happiness is based on the happenings of life, but joy can only be within. Once you have child-like joy, you stay true to yourself regardless of what happens.

It’s been said time and again that it’s not about what happens to us that matters, – what happens to us is nothing new; it happens to other people too – it’s our reaction to what happens to us that really matters. Joy comes when we trust in something bigger than the circumstance. Joy is not pretending to be happy; joy is knowing that all things work together for good.

What is more beautiful than being child-like; you’re innocent in thought, humble at heart, joyful in spirit and fascinated with nature. I believe life is not so much becoming who we are than unbecoming what we are not. We are all born a child and must remain like a child in order to be teachable, love fully, live freely and laugh wholeheartedly.

I love you ❤️

February 27, 2021
What Matters to You?

Have you ever been in a queue and see someone jump in from nowhere? What was your reaction? What matters to you at that moment?

Virtues

What annoys you probably shows what virtues you resonate with. Sometimes it’s not that we don’t believe in some other good virtues; it’s just that we don’t necessarily have a problem with it. Some people get really annoyed when you don’t tell them the whole truth. It wasn’t really a lie from your side so their reaction may look really exaggerated in your eyes. That’s because telling them the whole truth matters to them.

However, it doesn’t necessarily mean they should have a problem with other seemingly related things like lying to other people they don’t care about so as to avoid they asking further questions. Sometimes you’ll find people close to you complaining a lot about something little you did, but don’t complain when others do the exact same thing to them.

Relations

Truth is, we don’t hold everyone to the same standards. Subconsciously, people who matter to us are expected to resonate with things that matter to us. When they don’t, therein lies all the misunderstandings. To avoid those misunderstandings, you don’t need to necessarily uphold their beliefs and virtues. What you must do is to understand what matters to them and relate to them specifically as such.

Some people have a problem with sharing their stuff with just about anyone. Well, you don’t. You share freely. She doesn’t, so don’t try to talk her into doing so. Share yours. Leave hers to her. When it comes to things she shares with you, treat it as hers and don’t share it with others still. It’s that simple.

Sentiments

Understanding a person is knowing what the person resonates with, not trying to change it and accepting him/her for that, and relating with the person in that light. We all have our petty petty sentiments. The more people pay attention to these little sentiments, the more we connect with them. Sometimes it’s amazing when you get to know that an acquaintance shares the same sentiments as you.

The real deal is knowing how to handle an issue where those close to you don’t resonate with the things that annoy you. You never know a person till you know what really gets on their nerves. Don’t assume that everyone thinks like you. What matters to you may not matter to me. In the same vein, what you’re very okay with can really annoy someone else.

Boundaries

If this very important issue is understood, you can relate with every human being in the world. This issue explains why some Christian-Muslim relations have worked out, and how an atheist and a theist can be best buddies. It’s not a matter of pleasing them, it’s a matter of respecting their boundaries.

People call this adjustment, others call it compatibility. Whatever the case is, it determines the functionality of all kinds of relationships. Once we understand this issue and find the middle ground, all kinds of compatibility issues – from social to sexual to sensual – can be resolved to the detriment of none of the parties involved.

I love you ❤️

July 18, 2020
A Desperate Cry for Intimacy

Lord, I wanna get my life together. I want to be more conscious of you. I desire to be in your presence.

I want to long for your glory. I want to be more intimate with you. I want to read your Word like I used to.

I want to lay down at your feet. I want to spend time on my knees in fellowship. I want to grow more in spirit.

And most of all, I want to say “I” less because it’s all about You.

April 18, 2020
The Pause

It’s time already

The whole world stops to stare

My heart skips a beat

As you walk into the door of my heart

The pulse

It accelerates to keep me from dying from your elegance

My hands cringe as my soul clings to the rhythm

With you, the world neither spins nor twists and turns

The winds quieten as I feel your breath flow into mine

The paws

The pause increases my pulse as your paws scratch my hair

Our lips dance as all of Heaven kisses the face of the earth

I waited so long for this day, and it was worth the wait

Stop reading between the lines, there’s nothing here to see

The pores

Open your heart, close your eyes

Open the dance floor, up close let’s dance

Though we are very close, we are so open to each other

Though we’d close at some point, let’s leave it open

The pours

My heart glows in ways I can’t understand

It gushes forth with pure affection for you

I enjoy your company, I know you enjoy mine too

On a more serious note, I do not want this to end

The pause

Please press play, remind me of my busy schedules once more

Before I fall flat on my face and have you fill all of my mind

Let’s keep it like this, for love suffers at high speeds

We don’t have to press pause on either; we can have each other and with each other face the stress

I love you ❤️

This poem was inspired by the stresses of architecture school and the fun of living. The question is not whether we procrastinate or not. The question is, “what are we procrastinating?” We don’t have to “play” everything. We need to certainly pause at certain points because there are some stages in life we cannot skip. Learn to pause rather than “stop” because you’d wish you could “rewind” to relive those moments. Press forward!

March 7, 2020
Soulmate: How to Know If You’ve Found the One

Love is such a wonderful thing when shared by two people. Love can and must be shared by all through all to all. Love has a way of bringing two people together into a different path and a whole new dimension of passion and commitment. Your soulmate must be out there somewhere. Perhaps, they may be a lot closer than you think.

Friendship becomes the primary selection ground for people who wish to end up with somebody they can grow old with. It’s the safe space of no pretence and manipulation where we can totally be ourselves and be accepted for who we are.

When a solid foundation of friendship has been established and they evolve and grow together.They get to know different chapters in their mate’s life. However, there is one part of it all that cannot be skipped: there are instances that one of them would ask if their mate is the right person for them.

It’s a risk. Thus, there is a need for clarity of thought and mutual understanding. No one can be sure if his or her mate is the right person unless he or she takes time to think through, ask questions, make inquiries and be settled in the heart this is the one and only. Yes, there is a need to make extra effort to analyze the situation and the person he or she is currently involved with.

There are some things about how we are that will change over time as we evolve in our thinking and perspective. However, there are certain aspects of us that defines us and will barely change. We are like everyone else in one sense and different from everyone else in another sense. This leads me to the first instance;

1. If the concerned person will get to accept the other person for the bad sides of their personality.

Obviously, there are certain things the concerned individual may not like about the other person. So in essence, it’s not whether there are certain things you dislike about the person; because there is. It is rather if you are willing to accept how they are. Everyone has bad habits that arise from their personality. It is these same habits that the concerned individual has to deal with. Hence, it would be better to assess if the concerned individual likes what he or she is seeing or if they can tolerate the personality of the other person.

These bad habits actually change over time. That is why there’s a need for relationships in the first place. The other person will not literally be perfect but the fact that the concerned individual can accept whatever the other person is, then, it must be love.

2. If the concerned person will get to accept the other person’s faults or shortcomings not because of some hopes that someday he or she will change, then, it must be the right person.

One should realize that accepting somebody should never be conditional. This means that when a person accepts someone who has qualities not included in his or her concept of an ideal mate, it should not be the basis for unnecessary expectations. Because if this is the basis of acceptance, chances are, the concerned individual will only be disappointed and the other person will always be at fault in the relationship.

3. If there are no obstacles that will in time kill the flame of love, then, it must be the right person.

If in the event that an individual finds somebody and they feel that the relationship is finally the real thing, it would still be better to assess if there will be no more impediments that would curb the growth of a wonderful relationship. This simply means that the person should be sure that there will be no elements or factors that will trigger some problems on their relationship in the future like vices, addiction, family problems, previous relationships, etc. If the coast is clear, then, the concerned person has finally found his or her right mate and that in time the relationship will flourish and be successful.

All of these things boil down to the fact that life is not 100% perfect. People should realize that there are no such things as perfect people. As humans, we are susceptible to mistakes, imperfections, flaws, and whatever weaknesses we are destined to entail in our personality. So, the best thing to use when identifying the right person is a careful analysis of the individual as a whole and not just what the naked eye sees where physical attraction is usually based.

I love you ❤️

February 15, 2020
Ineffable

Those who mind don’t matter

Those who matter don’t mind

Who said so?

I mind, remind my mind

The mind is matter

So tell me the matter

What’s on your mind?

It’s ineffable!

Actions speak louder than words

but actions are hard to interpret

Your words are your words

They hurt more with each resounding memory

Why did you say what you said?

It’s ineffable!

I say I really don’t know, I wind

but you say what do you mean? Define

There’s a reason behind everything

but can we explain everything we do?

My mistakes don’t define me.

My mistakes, don’t remind me.

I’m not here to prove myself. That’s how I am? Reputation doesn’t matter.

What matters is you.

It’s ineffable!

Gravity holds back my fears

Brevity holds up my tears

We stained our flower

I dimmed the charm

but wait…there’s still a sparkle

though your heart sometimes bleeds

the love still remains

It’s ineffable!

we’ll never be the same again

It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness.

We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

But now we can’t underestimate our peace.

Come, hold my hands.

The healing rain is about to begin.

I hope you’re not afraid

I love you ❤️

February 8, 2020
Can You Feel That Connection?

Have you ever met someone in your life that you feel you’ve known all your life? Have you ever felt so close to someone though you don’t really know them so you’re willing to know them? Have you ever felt the same about someone for so long a time that you know for sure that it’s something real? One word explains it all; connection.

There are more connections in the human body than there are stars in the galaxy.

It’s certainly magical to establish a connection with someone but sometimes it’s just difficult, especially with someone you are “supposed to” get along with. This is because connection is mutual. It ought to fit, just as a plug fits in a socket. It doesn’t have to make all the sense in the world. In fact, it needs no words to explain it because there’s none.

There are some people that we’re gonna meet in the future that we wish we had met earlier. There are some people that we’re gonna meet that we’d feel we’ve known them all our lives, because the interconnectedness is so strong. What we must know about connection is that connection is energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but translates from one form to another.

Our energy fields react differently with people we have connection with. Thus, we connect with different people differently. Sometimes we’re not able to understand our connection with some people and we think we don’t like them. But once we make the mutual connection, our perceptions change and we experience a new reality together with them.

Connection can therefore go beyond space and time since it’s energy. You can connect more with someone in 3 months more than someone you’ve known for 3 years. You may not see someone for 3 years but still feel the strong connection you have with them. Some connections however need time, but once symbiosis is established, it can last a lifetime.

Why is it important to know what connects us? Because what connects us is the binding agent of our relationship. So go out there and connect. Connect with God. Connect with your innermost self. Connect with nature. Connect with family. Connect with friends. Connect with the world.

I love you ❤️

January 11, 2020
Love Yourself: Love Is In The Air, Breathe It All In

Love is a constant tangible experience of His outpour of Himself. Love is in the air. We have heard “God loves you” many times, but until it is fruitfully experienced by the sayer, it can never be better expressed to the listener.

Love is what makes me happy when I have no reason to. Love is one self-motivating effect that never withers. Knowing that I’m loved keeps me going. And it is this same love that picks me up when I fall, that encourages me when I stumble.

And when I’m tired of life and just feel like giving up on myself, love gives me a reason to live. Simply knowing that I’m loved outrageously fills me up with peace. It puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. Such amazing love. Love is so beautiful.

Love opens up my heart to all good things. It takes away any subconscious fear. And even though I may not be able to escape being broken in one way or the other, I know love will be there to heal my wounds.

And every time I think of love, I open my arms wide and close my eyes. I breathe in and I smile. It changes my realities. I feel like I’m top of the mountains. I do not have a single doubt about this love. Love is indeed in the air.

love You ❤

December 7, 2019
What It Means to Love One Another

P.S. You don’t have to agree with me on this issue. We live in a system that makes people suspicious when you’re so good to someone and unsurprised when you do them bad. Love has become self-centeredness and people will be quick to take advantage of whatever love you have for them. Loving one another has therefore become culturally irrelevant.

Loving one another with the Love of God means loving people unconditionally. Regardless of the person’s actions, words and deeds, your love is unrelenting. This is the kind of love that makes everyone know that we are disciples of Jesus (John 13:35). If you can show love to someone who feels unworthy, dirty or hard-hearted, it changes their lives forever.

You cannot love someone more than you love yourself. Therefore, how you love others can depict how much you love yourself unconditionally. If someone wants to capitalize on your love for them by having you to prove it in any form, they don’t love you unconditionally. Remember, love is not earned. If there’s a reason why you love someone, that’s the condition for your love. Think about it!

Loving with the Love of God means sacrificing your life for others. Jesus laid His life for us so that we’ll be able to lay down ours for others. This is what He means by losing your life for His sake (Matt 10:39, Matt 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24 says the same thing). No matter what we do, our decisions affect other people. Love does not sacrifice others for the sake of oneself. It does not mean sacrificing oneself to the detriment of oneself either.

There is the need to understand that you CAN lift others up by lifting yourself up. It’s not always that one has to come down for another to go up. Sacrifice is not always a substitution. Most times, it is taking that better alternative. Sacrificing for others simply means taking decisions that not only benefits you but benefits others also.

Loving one another with the Love of God means seeing the good in people even in their evil. If God could see a great apostle to the Gentiles in a serial killer, why can’t you? Of course, this is not about being optimistic or positive-minded. It is about how you see people. Do you see people as their mistakes? Do you identify them with their flaws? This is a trustworthy saying; you cannot genuinely love someone and not see their true pure state. Love makes us understand that anything bad or evil people emulate is not their true nature. “Love does not rejoice in evil”.

People are bigger than their shortcomings. How you identify them says more about you than about them.

If only you could see through God’s eyes for one second and see how He sees them. God has indeed given us His eyes as the Body of Christ. If God can see bravery in Gideon who thought he was the biggest coward in the world, then you can too. If God can see a deliverer in a man who had become an outcast and send Moses back to Egypt and use him mightily, then you can too. But it’s only through God’s eyes.

We can only love others unconditionally if we love ourselves unconditionally. On the other hand, we cannot love ourselves unconditionally and love others conditionally. It’s impossible! Truth is, we can only love ourselves unconditionally if we accept God’s unconditional love for us.

God loves you. It’s not a theory. Once you bask in His Love and begin to experience His Love shed abroad in your heart, His Love flows to you through you to others. Therefore, our love for others shows that we love God. We cannot say we love God unconditionally if we don’t love others unconditionally. Unconditional Love is an unbroken chain. And it all begins with accepting God’s Love for you. Understand that God loves you. Love yourself. Love others. Love God.

I love you ❤

November 23, 2019
The Revelation of Mystery: There Are More Questions than Answers

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter. Proverbs 25:2

Mystery is not the opposite of revelation. It is the complement of it. What leaves us in awe of the God we serve is both the Revelation of Himself and the Mystery of Himself. God is an open secretive person. The more He reveals Himself to you, the more mysterious you’ll find Him. The hidden things of God in Christ are not hidden from us. They are hidden for us.

It’s easy to have the notion that when we go to heaven, we’ll ask God a lot of questions. Because, yes, this realm limits our capacity to fully grasp anything of God although we have received the FULLNESS of the Spirit to know ALL truth. As Paul rightly said, we know in part and see but in a dim reflection as in a mirror (1 Cor 13:9,12).

Going to Heaven will not automatically put in us the full knowledge of God. That is NOT the problem since this full knowledge of God, which is Christ, has been fully revealed and given. What it will do is increase our capacity to fully grasp, though we may never fully grasp.

God is an unchanging dynamic God. Every day is a new day to understand something different about Him that He has always been and will always be. Heaven will not mark the end of Mystery, for there will always be more questions for more understanding. It’s an unending learning experience about a Mysterious God who loves to reveal Himself to us.

The more God reveals Himself to us, the more we conform to His likeness. For when we see Him, we shall be like Him. It’s not just an eternal learning experience; it’s God’s Love story of how He draws His Lover into a matrimonial oneness.

He’s intentional ❤️

October 4, 2019
A Great Mystery

When a young Jewish man had his eye on a bright-eyed Jewish girl, he went with his father to her father. At that meeting, the groom-to-be was expected to present some sort of payment for the bride. A cow or two, some currency of the day, or a promise of labor. If the father of the girl found the payment acceptable, he agreed that the young man could have his precious daughter if he first prepared a home for her.

Off the young man went to grab his hammer and some lumber. He built a separate home if he could afford it. If not, he added a special section to his father’s home for himself and his new bride. During the time that this young man was building, the bride had a special job to do; she was expected to wait. Oh, not just going about her everyday chores and thinking about her groom-to-be. No, she was expected to be waiting.

She was expected to have as lovely a dress as she could make. She was to be cleaned and covered in aromatic oils. She was to be telling friends of her groom’s one-day arrival. At night, she was expected to have an oil lamp burning as a sign that was faithfully waiting. The lamp should never go out.

Her groom returned the moment he finished their home. There would be no delay; if it was 3:00 in the morning, so be it. He would sneak into her home with his friends, first checking to see if the oil lamp was burning. Then he awoke her and carried her through the streets shouting and rejoicing that she was ready and he could provide for her. That night would be one of solitude for the new couple to consecrate their marriage, and then the weeklong celebrations began.

“This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:32‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

He loves you ❤️

September 27, 2019