From the moment we take our first steps, we are compared to our siblings, cousins, and even neighbours’ children. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Look at how well your friend’s son is doing in school.” These phrases, though well-intentioned, often sow seeds of self-doubt and insecurity in the hearts of young ones.
Yet, amidst the challenges posed by comparison, there lies a resilience born out of necessity. Growing up in an environment where comparison is the norm toughens us, especially after we realise that the comparison made was false. From then on, we don’t rely on external validations. We realise opinions are different from facts, and we embrace our authenticity rather than trying to be people-pleasers. Of course, that usually comes off as rebellion and stubbornness until we are accepted for what we are as young adults.
Take, for instance, the story of Ade and his younger brother Tunde. From a young age, Ade was always compared to his brother – academically, athletically, and even in terms of behaviour. While this constant comparison often left Ade feeling inadequate, it also fueled his determination to succeed. He pushed himself harder, studying late into the night and practising tirelessly on the football field. In the end, Ade’s resilience paid off, and he earned a scholarship to university, breaking free from the cycle of comparison that once held him captive.
However, this ritual of comparison – although had good intentions and produced good results in the long run – is still a wrong way of nurturing, with all due respect. While it may have instilled resilience in us, it has also perpetuated a culture of judgment and unrealistic expectations. Many of us still carry the scars of childhood comparisons, battling feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy well into adulthood. Also, we grow up trying to prove a point when there should be no point to prove to anyone but ourselves.
Being a substantial part of childhood traumas, not everyone overcomes its negative insinuations. Some parents may think they may have done their best when all the children may have in their hearts are resentments from needless comparisons that produced engraved episodes of emotional abuse and shouts, punishments, petty complaints, lack of mercy and appreciation of efforts. These episodes play from time to time when triggered by certain situations. These very episodes produce a feeling of low self-esteem, self-hate, timidity, low self-confidence, and inaction.
As we look to the future, we must break free from the shackles of comparison and embrace a new paradigm of acceptance and encouragement. The next generation deserves to do better because they know better – our children deserve to grow up in an environment where their worth is not measured against that of others but celebrated for its uniqueness. Imagine a home where siblings support and uplift each other, and where parents nurture their children’s talents and aspirations without pitting them against one another. That is the building block to a community where success is not defined by external standards but by personal growth and fulfilment.
It is up to us, the torchbearers of change, to create such a world for the generations to come. Remember, children can easily identify when they are being discriminated against. They can sense their lack of favour, and instead of working to please you, they affirm all the weaknesses you shout at them. We must lead by example, challenging the status quo and fostering an environment of empathy and support. It starts now. Let us celebrate each other’s achievements, big and small, and lift each other in times of struggle.
In doing so, we not only break free from the chains of comparison but also pave the way for a brighter, more compassionate future. Let us be the change we wish to see in our homes, our communities, and our continent. Only then can we truly thrive, unburdened by the weight of comparison and liberated to reach our fullest potential.
