Resonance

Tag: friends

  • Being Your True Self & Relating Well with Others

    Being Your True Self & Relating Well with Others

    We all make mistakes. The beauty of being human is in our flaws and frailty revealing the handiwork and masterpiece of our Creator. It is better to make mistakes than to fake perfection. Faking perfection means living for their acceptance. If we live for their acceptance, we’ll die from their rejection. So just be you, and allow others to be their higher self by living your higher self.

    Defining how others should cope with you should be a boundary of authenticity rather than a limitation of freedom. Don’t live to please anyone. On the other hand, don’t live to intentionally displease someone. Both are in different directions but still emanates an inauthentic lifestyle lived in reaction to someone else.

    Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you, because they can’t appreciate what’s right about you.

    Truth is, we can never like everything about someone. There will always be something that someone does or how the person lives life that we would dislike. If we can’t think of anything of that sort concerning someone in particular, then it means we have overlooked their flaws and not that they have no flaws.

    Funny enough, we don’t even like everything about our ownselves. We can sometimes meet someone and not like how they live their life, and we don’t even know them lmao. Bottom line: you cannot correct every opinion people have about you. Free yourself from the need to do so. Everyone has the right to think whatever they want about anything. Don’t waste your energy.

    If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should live their lives, but none about his or her own.

    We can’t be going round telling everyone about the things they do that we don’t like and what we don’t like about them. On the other hand, we shouldn’t be Mr Nice or Mrs Nice who is always okay with everything and allows everyone to tread over them. It’s a world of balance, not of perfection. Confront and correct the things something can be done about and accept the things you can’t change.

    There is a difference between a personality and an attitude. Laziness is not a personality trait; it’s an attitude. Being lazy cannot therefore be someone’s personality, and most importantly, something can be done about it.

    Attitude > Behaviour (based on personality traits) > Character

    If we can’t accept someone’s personality trait and we want them to change to fit into our own biased definition of how to live life, then we are stabbing our ownselves in the back. Usually, that means we are projecting ourselves on the person and comparing their flaws to our strengths. Surely, there are some others who hate us for being ourselves but who cares? At the end of the day, it is the opinions of the people who matter the most to us that will matter the most to us.

    This is the everlasting truth: if we are truly living our higher, true and authentic self, we would allow others to be themselves also. If we are always wanting others to change and fit into our own little boxes, it’s a sign that we are living inside the box ourselves. How we see others says more about us than about others. Any free man would wish everyone was free so they could experience the kind of freedom he is experiencing. If a free man wishes that everyone else should be made captive and he only free, it’s a sign that his mind is captive.

    Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

    Know who you are; your preferences, your style, your interests, your innate abilities; free from the impurities of this world, free from other people’s assumptions, free from your own misconceptions, free from the deep lies you choose to believe about yourself. For anyone who truly knows himself/herself is not perturbed with what others may misconceive about him/her.

    So now the most ideal question is, who am I? Follow this link to understand more about who you are.

    I love you ❤

  • When Friends Fight: How to Resolve Friendship Breakups

    It’s commonplace for friends to fight or have trouble getting along. Though fights aren’t easy to move forward from, they can make your relationship even better. Small battles can sometimes turn into big ones and you might have to work hard to sort it out. So it’s not surprising that a fight with a friend can be as heartbreaking as an argument with a partner. But conflict doesn’t have to lead to a “friendship breakup.”

    The greatest interpersonal skill you could ever have is learning how to resolve misunderstandings, conflicts, quarrels, fights and issues that arise with time in every relationship. It’s not whether you fight or not; it’s whether you resolve your issues or let pride from both sides separate the bond. The best fights don’t occur between strangers. They occur between friends who trust each other. Once you learn how to resolve conflicts, you will no more fear that one could ruin everything for y’all. Let’s talk about some two things we lose sight of that could lead to friendship breakup;

    Stop Avoiding the Issue by Pretending Everything is Fine

    A small misunderstanding can turn into a big friendship breakup in the end if you pretend the disagreement never happens, so keep the lines of communication open. Talking through the situation is best because letting the situation linger can develop into feelings of neglect, disrespect, or even anger. Before you get heated with a friend, take a mental step back and really listen to what he says. If you’re not mature enough to respect others’ opinions, then perhaps the friendship breakup is the best option. But if you would like to mend the friendship, then apologize, and listen to the other person’s point of view. At the end of the day, people want to be heard.

    friendship breakup

    We all make mistakes, but we all don’t admit that we do. Model how to be humble and how to talk about problems, and be bluntly honest about your own thoughts and feelings.” Express concern for the problem at hand and take responsibility for your own failures while learning from them.

    It is Not Just About Having Good Intentions

    I promised to send Bernice out on a date to KFC. I was so damn late and kept answering her calls with reassurance that I am already close by. Upon my arrival, I had a good excuse about how stressful my programme of study was and how I couldn’t finish my tasks on time. I apologised but Bernice was still mad. Not only did my explanations not soothe her, but they also seemed to make things worse. That started to make me angry.

    Do you know what the problem was? I was stuck in my own perspective. I didn’t mean to be late, but that’s not the point. The point is that I was late. The point — and what’s important in my communication with her — is how my lateness impacted Bernice.” In other words, I was focused on my intention, while Bernice was focused on the consequences. She and I were having two different conversations. In the end, we both felt unacknowledged, misunderstood, and angry. The more I thought about the issue, the more I recognized that this battle—intention vs. consequences—was the root cause of so much interpersonal discord.

    friendship breakup

    As it turns out, it’s not the intention that counts or even the action that counts. That’s because the other person doesn’t experience your thought or your action. He or she experiences the consequences of your action. When you’ve done something that upsets someone—no matter who’s right—always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions affected the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because in the end, your intentions don’t matter much.

    What if you don’t think the other person is justified in feeling the way he or she does? It doesn’t matter. You’re striving for understanding, not for agreement. What I have found is that once I’ve expressed my understanding of the consequences, my need to justify my intentions dissipates. That’s because the reason I’m explaining my intentions is to repair the relationship. But I’ve already accomplished that by empathizing with her experience.

    Misunderstandings are inevitable in life. Look, no two people will always think or act the exact same way. You will not always see eye-to-eye with friends. It’s necessary to place value on friendship. Remind yourself that there is one in a billion chances to meeting with such a person and connecting in the first place. You are not friends by chance or because you see them five times a week. You’re friends with Rhoda because you respect and value her.

    friendship breakup

    Remember, everyone changes—including you. Basically, you’re not perfect, and they’re not perfect. Chances are, you’ve inadvertently hurt them as well, either past or present, so own that emotion and recognize it, which may make it easier to forgive. It takes two to tango, even in a friendship.