Resonance

Tag: lonely

  • Being Alone vs Being Lonely II

    Being Alone vs Being Lonely II

    The continuation of a conversation between Emmanuel Bugyei and I.

    Bugyei: But the thing; everyone is so wrapped up in their existence so they can’t see when someone desperately wants them and their company. Statuses also divide us even further; another person’s looks, friends, walk, talk it all differentiates us.

    Me: Yeah!

    People of class and stature have an overdose of attention. But sometimes they feel very lonely because they feel people care about them because of what they have and what they put up. Loneliness is only cured when we’re accepted for who we are freely.

    Bugyei: They also reject those who see them for who they truly are. So can there really be any cure?

    Me: The need for love is just like that for sleep or food. Abraham Maslow called it a social need and placed in the middle of the pyramid. It actually needs to be satisfied daily

    Bugyei: What about self-love, is that not enough?

    Me: It is only self-love that sustains a person who is alone from being Lonely. However, there is a journey towards it. It’s like kids. They must be nurtured until they can nurture on their own. Unfortunately, not everyone reaches maturity but everyone starts off as a child. At the highest maturity and enlightenment, we don’t need Love because we are Love. We are all one with God, the source of Love.

    Bugyei: And for those who are not Christian?.

    Me: We all go through a similar journey on this one, regardless of our beliefs and labels. The danger, however, is when we slash hard on people so desperate for another’s affection. We are called to love, not to shame people into loving themselves. People eventually learn to love themselves when they’ve received so much love. A child once asked, “can I be a good father if I’ve never been loved?”

    Bugyei: And what was the answer?

    Me: He wasn’t answered. It brought tears in the eyes of the adults around. His father was a drunkard who always abused his mom. He was taken away from him and sent to a foster home, where he asked this question to a preacher preaching about God’s love.

    I hope you enjoyed this insightful conversation. Loneliness is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, as dangerous as obesity, and increases the likelihood of an early death by 26%.

    Let’s kill loneliness before it kills us. I hope this conversation compels you to love fully and freely; to accept people for who they are; to love with a purpose and without condition. Remember, where there is purpose and acceptance, loneliness suffocates.

    I love you ❤️

  • Being Alone vs Being Lonely

    Being Alone vs Being Lonely

    A conversation between Emmanuel Bugyei and I.

    Me: Turns out there’s an epidemic of loneliness in the 21st century, ironically

    Bugyei: But is it common with young adults?

    Me: Yhup! Most people can only identify about 6 emotions so the rest go unnoticed. Truth is, there’s not a single moment that we’re not experiencing one emotion or another.

    That means people sometimes attribute sadness, grief, apathy, hunger, destitution and many others to loneliness when it isn’t always the case or vice versa.

    Bugyei: So what does it mean to be lonely?

    Me: It’s a feeling of void, emptiness, isolation. What sets loneliness apart is that it stems from lost or unformed relationships, basically human interaction.

    We’re emotional beings who need intimacy, love and attention. When we’re underfed on these, we begin to feel lonely.

    Bugyei: So the problem is not with the lonely person (the victim) but the object of his need.

    Me: Exactly! That’s the underlying problem of the problem. Little acts of rejection hits us hard in the chest, and sometimes we don’t notice our own selves trying so hard to belong.

    That’s why it’s good to show little acts of kindness to people. They NEED it, even if they don’t know that they need it. It’s a necessity good.

    Bugyei: Well, a simple hello can help heal the heart.

    Me: Sometimes a sincere word of kindness too does it.

    I love you ❤️

    …to be continued

  • Solitude: Why You Should Spend Time With Yourself

    Why are people so much afraid of silence? Perhaps, the emptiness we feel in our immediate surroundings re-echoes the emptiness within us. We’d rather do anything than spend time with ourselves. I’m not talking about isolation. I’m talking about solitude.

    Social media might have given us the biggest audience to showcase whatever we have but this is the time to realize you’re your biggest fan. You need to appreciate your own ingenuity because a time will come when others won’t, yet you have to keep on keeping on.

    We now live in a world where even teenagers think they are busy. Busy doing what, brushing your teeth? There are times in your life that you’d need to self-quarantine. Not just a vacation to enjoy yourself, but a time to reflect. It’s by self-reflecting that we get to appreciate the people in our lives. You don’t have to wait till you lose something before you appreciate it.

    Not spending time with ourselves has become the reason why people are in dire need for people to appreciate and/or agree with them. Low self-esteem. No self-approval. Yet, such a huge ego. Once all the distractions go away and the ego has nothing to feed on, then we can see beyond the fog and above the blindspots. But the distractions barely go away by chance. That’s why it’s necessary to be intentional about this.

    If you don’t want to spend time with yourself, who should? People who don’t like to spend time with themselves have so much insecurities about themselves. It appears every time they are alone. That’s why it’s easier to put so much burden on others around us and have unrealistic expectations for them and yet undermine our abilities in areas we are good at. And funny enough, we begin to think we’re so much better in areas we aren’t that good at, actually.

    It’s only by self-reflection that we practice metacognition. It requires us to relinquish our usual egocentric perspective and examine ourselves from the outside. Ironically, it’s when you don’t spend time alone that you begin to feel lonely. You feel that people aren’t there or won’t be there for you. Don’t expect people to be there for you if you aren’t there for yourself.

    Spending time alone is ultimately thinking about what you think about. Perhaps, boredom will kick in, but boredom is the bedrock of creativity. If you’re not tired of something, why would you want to change it? Great inventions have come out of solitude. Sometimes, there are too many distractions that we don’t even have the time to think stuff through. With solitude comes clarity.

    This season of quarantine has taught us many things, especially things we thought we couldn’t live without. Life is really about the basics. Once life is not built on the basics, it loses its meaning. So now that you have enough time to spend with yourself, do well to fall in love with yourself, tackle your insecurities, and change those habits you don’t like about yourself.

    I love you ❤️