Tag: sex

  • The Silent Pandemic of Sexual Sins & Addictions

    In a bid to talk about consecration, let us first talk about one silent pandemic that is eating up destinies.

    Experts speculate up to 10 per cent of the total Christian population in the United States have a sexual addiction. If true, this means that in a congregation of 500 members, 50 are sex addicts. And this percentage may be increasing. In one study, two-thirds of all Christian men admitted to “struggling” with pornography. In another study, 40 per cent of pastors surveyed confessed to looking at pornography. Christians who struggle pray ceaselessly, read the Bible constantly and consult countless pastors, but still can’t stop.

    You may think you don’t know a sex addict. Sex addicts, however, do not fit the popular stereotypes. They are otherwise gentle and kind. They care deeply for others. To fellow church members, they appear to be ideal Christians. But a secret side of them does evil and harmful things, sexual things, some of them too horrible to fully describe. Their sexual activity is uncontrollable and they can’t stop. It is an addiction.

    Sexual sin is not news to the church. Voices among us have consistently protested this immorality and called for repentance. Yet sexual sin remains a difficult topic to talk about. When “one of us” commits sexual sin, the rest of us are shocked and embarrassed by the apparent hypocrisy and massive failure of faith. In response, we turn inward to our own shame, fears, and confusion, and try to keep the situation as quiet as possible.

    Those who come out to say they suffer from sexual addiction have been ostracized, scorned and persecuted. Too consumed by shame to ask for help, they have been confined to lives of loneliness and isolation. Addiction thrives in isolation, darkness and shame. The cycle is not only spiritual; it is psychological, mental, physical, emotional etc. It consumes your entire being and your entire life until you are reduced to a piece of bread.

    Sexual addiction is about trying to control behaviours…and failing. Just like alcoholics, sex addicts tell themselves they can quit tomorrow if they want to. They like to think they are in control, but they are not. Until they want to finally stop and realize they can’t. Addiction distracts addicts long enough to take your entire will from their control. Indeed, their inability to give up the illusion of control is precisely what prevents sex addicts from healing. It is the same with any sin. Our attempts to control our lives prevent us from trusting God to care for us. The sad reality is, anyone who has tasted any sex addiction can suffer from a love addiction unbeknownst to them.

    The Root Cause

    Sin is the lack of a relationship with God and the destructive behaviours committed as a result. Unmanageable and causes people to distrust God, to control their own lives, and to commit behaviours destructive to themselves and others, sin causes shame and leads to death. Unmanageability, escape, shame, and addiction make up the very fabric of sin.

    Addiction is living a lie because, although you think you think you’re enjoying yourself because your body feels so good, you are sad deep within. Being pierced in the soul by many sorrows is a reality that is now distracted by further additive activities. Addiction provides an escape from feelings; feelings of discomfort, disdain, shame, abandonment, neglect, rejection, low self-esteem, and what have you. After you commit the sexual act, you have to come to the real world and face your problems.

    Every single tool man invents will be used to perpetuate evil to the next level. From the Internet to social media to AI, every new level of accomplishment of man is used to orchestrate evil to a level never seen hitherto. That’s because the problem of man is in his heart. When sin rules a man’s heart, every tool is a weapon for evil, be it a knife, car, platform or even the mouth. Thus, God transforms a person from within. We live from within. A good tree produces good fruit. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good fruit.

    The advancement of the Internet age has propagated a lie that has censured many Christians today from living the reality of the truth common to all Christians in past generations. If there is one thing that united all Christians at any point in history, it was the dedication to live a holy life. The rampage of lust alone – as it is being shoved in our faces everywhere we turn our head via media – has, at least, caused the average believer to think living a holy life is theoretically right but practically unrealistic. However, the Eternal God has unchanging standards.

    Since it’s the same race the great cloud of witnesses ran, God is not going to lower the standard to accommodate the culturalized and “technologized” perversions that defines our era. Take courage! You are the best person in your bloodline to be alive in this point in time. You were predestined for such a time as this. If we think God is not being fair when He doesn’t adjust the standard to accommodate our beguiled reality, then it shows we don’t understand the potency of God’s redeeming power. Christ’s redemption is eternal. That means it is the same power that will continue to make us the redeemed of the Lord in the age to come when this present world is long gone.

    There’s hope ❤

    If you want to read more on this silent pandemic, kindly read Theologian Mark Laaser’s book on Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction


  • Choosing to Stay Pure in a Sexually Immoral World

    “If God didn’t want us to have sex before marriage, He would have given us our sexual organs on our wedding days”, says the fool who refuses to think deep. No boss will pay you a salary on the first day of employment. No tree will bear fruit on the first day of planting. Besides, people in ancient times used to be given in marriage soon after their puberty was discovered. The point is, no one is stopping you from enjoying sexual pleasure. God is rather preventing you from tremendous destruction.

    With great freedom comes less safety. Thus, the need to keep sexual pleasure within the safety of a commitment. If you’ve been involved in sexual immorality of any form before, you’d realize it has a really high addictive power. You can get addicted to porn for the majority of your life, fornicate every weekend, masturbate when the opportunity presents itself and lust continuously after someone almost every day. In fact, it is the highest sin one can commit (because it is a sin against your own body: 1 Cor 6:18) and the one that can permanently destroy your life the most.

    Yet, let’s not give it all the credit. It is not the most powerful force in the world. It is not the strongest drive. It’s not even the most addictive. Evil always looks like the winner when compared to good. That’s why I like what 1 Peter 1:14 says. Some versions use the word “ignorant”. We were ignorant. That’s why we kept going back. We thought the edge is too strong. That’s why we give in to it all the time. We didn’t know any better.

    So how do we live above that? It’s simple, not easy. We need to live as God’s obedient children. God will never lead us into temptation. If we find ourselves in one, His Voice will be loud and clear on what we must do. See it this way; it is more difficult to hear God’s Voice and still disobey. For His Voice will keep ringing in our minds and hearts to flee, to stop, to not venture, to expose the darkness, to unhide the secret sinful life. For no sexual sin can exist in Light.

    If you have never indulged in one form of sexual immorality like say, fornication, don’t fancy those who do. Don’t judge them either. In a few years to come, you can find yourself in a similar situation as theirs, if not even worse. If you have made up your mind to keep yourself until marriage, keep that mindset intact. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Don’t let anyone belittle your virginity to you. Even rags have value, how much more wedding dresses.

    If you have dirtied yourself before and you feel devalued, get up from the mud and keep going. It’s not the end of the journey. This may not sound encouraging but there are far worse temptations awaiting you. There are bigger mountains to climb. Don’t let this hill look like it’s the end of the road. If you don’t even care anymore because you’ve gone too far and you’ve been in too deep, I’m here to tell you that it’s not too late. The prodigal son was competing with pigs to eat but the day He returned, His Father gave him the best robe, put a ring on his finger and got sandals on his feet. These three things represent his royalty, authority and dignity. In just one day, he was completely restored and he never went back.

    This post is for you. It is exactly what you need to hear right now. There is still hope. Grace is still available. There is still enough power, to stay pure in a sexually immoral world. I love you ❤️

  • Living a Porn-free Life

    Living a Porn-free Life

    There is a thick line between what we need and what we can’t live without. Chemically, that has to do with the levels of dopamine. Drugs like sugar, coffee and spices produces dopamine which makes us feel good. But they don’t produce dopamine as such a high level that we can’t do without it. Yet we go back to it all the time. Just like soft porn.

    Watching porn, in my view, is a habit that can be altered if one has the needed info.

    Some can’t prepare food without spices. Others can’t eat food without drinking water afterwards. Those are habits that could be changed with time and preference.

    Research

    When I researched on porn and saw the stats, I realised it’s becoming epidemic. One research was to see what porn does to our brain. And when they searched for an American male teenager who had never watched internet porn before for studies, they found none. That was a shock to me. So I’ve provided a list of important info to help y’all willing to break this unhealthy habit.

    One Huge Misconception

    Watching porn does not make you sexually healthy. Watching porn will not stop when you marry or start having sex. It doesn’t even give you the right info about sex. Don’t believe those filthy lies. That is not how to feed your needs. Your sexual attraction needs are not a justification to indulge in porn. Pornography is an instant gratification activity. It does not satisfy you, it sucks from you.

    Breaking the porn habit

    1. First of all, don’t make it a priority to stop watching pornography. This may sound wrong but what is actually wrong is that the focus is still on porn. It is like me saying, “don’t imagine a white bear.” You have already subconsciously imagined it. It is called the white bear effect. I’m not saying don’t face the problem head-on. All I’m saying is, fighting a problem that has become a part of you fights back harder. It rather needs to be starved. Dr. K V Anand said it better;

    2. Your belief in porn addiction makes things worse. The label of “porn addict” causes depression but porn watching doesn’t.

    People who believe themselves to be porn addicts need help with understanding what their use of porn means, and why they may have problems around their sexuality. They deserve help unpacking the conflicts between their sexual desires, and the moral/religious society around them. They also need help to understand how and why porn use is not an addiction, and how viewing themselves as a porn addict may affect their self-image and emotional health. These men (and some women) deserve help in understanding their sexuality and their porn use. They don’t need the shame and stigma that comes along with the “addiction” label.

    3. One major reason why people who don’t want to watch porn, go back and even watch it in excess is boredom. Whenever you are bored, you do what subconsciously makes you feel good instantly. This is because boredom is unhealthy and health is multi-dimensional. Our body needs fun. Our soul needs adventure. Our spirit needs intimacy. Stop blaming your old man which is dead or even the devil. Change the cycle.

    4. Life functions because it is in an ecosystem. Society thrives on culture. Our body has a rhythm. Even the weather has a pattern. Pornography is not the problem. It is the fruit of the problem. Whether someone is addicted to drugs or porn or any form of perversion, it is because they didn’t understand their inner needs and misunderstood their emotions.

    Change the pattern

    Set in motion another chain, another culture, another ecosystem. Don’t focus on stopping. Don’t count the days you didn’t watch it. Don’t entertain those thoughts in your head to watch a little bit. Rewire your brain. Renew your mind. Do what you have always loved to do as a child. Don’t be afraid to be bored. Don’t entertain boredom either.

    Everything all around us is calling for our attention, but when you change what you are aware of, you change your reality. People who see sin everywhere make sin omnipresent in their minds. People who see love everywhere see the omnipresence of God. Develop healthy habits that make you spiritually, mentally and physically healthy.

    Habits are not difficult to develop if we look at it from this perspective; we always develop new habits when we renew the old ones. Habits are set in motion with our minds not our wills. Don’t fight your habits, consciously change them. Whatever you force yourself to do cannot really become a habit until we set it in motion with our minds. Easier said than done but hey..you gotta start from somewhere. It is time to live at your utmost potential and be your best self. Greatness is within us and ahead of us. You can start off with a good read by Derek Doepker

    Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
    II Timothy 2:22 NKJV

    I love you ❤