Resonance

Tag: vulnerability

  • Transparency vs Honesty II

    Transparency vs Honesty II

    Understanding “understanding” is knowing the similarities between two seemingly dissimilar word meanings. The opposite is equally true. There is such an in-depth understanding and enlightenment when we realize the difference between two words with similar meanings. Inasmuch as it’s important to know how honesty and transparency must co-exist in our relationships, in some context these words take sides and it becomes very important to choose one over the other. Let’s dive in.

    What does it really mean to be transparent?

    Transparency is spilling out what someone will need to know about you – because it directly concerns them – without being asked to, so as to let them know what they are getting their heads into.

    The closer we are to someone, the more open we are to them. Very close yet very open. That is what transparency is really about. The difficulty that comes with Transparency is knowing what to keep private and for how long it should remain private

    As to what to keep private;

    Our level of relationship with someone determines what they have earned the right to know. They may never ask because they may have no clue. There are many things we keep to ourselves, where no one deserves to know because it doesn’t affect them directly. But once you’re sharing your life with someone else other than you, those things will eventually be exposed. The more vulnerable we are, the more we expose what we are.

    Letting them know beforehand creates a bond of trust right at the start. You are saying I’m worthy of being in your circle because you have exposed something to me that not just anybody can know. Hiding it from them and they later finding out creates a bond of distrust. The longer the relationship has been and the longer you’ve kept it a secret, the stronger the bond of distrust.

    As to how long it should remain private;

    Being an introvert myself, I find it really weird when I get to know someone for a short while and they trust me with such vital information about themselves. In my mind, I’m like, “TMI..TMI”. This is the principle; start from the known to the unknown. There are things someone can easily get to know about you by asking a few friends, studying the way you go about things and checking out your profile online. Start from there. Allow the other person to earn the right to know certain not-so-obvious stuff. Don’t be an open book.

    When the mutual interest to get to know each other is identified, begin to tell them things only a few would know as time goes by. When it dawns on you that they should probably get to know something about you, tell them right away. Trust your intuition! It tells you what to share when to share it and to the degree it should be shared at a time.

    This is where the line between Transparency and Honesty is drawn. Honesty is telling the truth when I’m asked. Transparency is telling the truth because it deserves to be known. Honesty comes with a condition; you have to ask first. Transparency requires no permission. It is necessary to be honest and much more important to be transparent. Once I’m not questioned, there’s no accountability for my honesty or dishonesty.

    If you have a medical condition, it’s important that your new friend gets to know at the early stages. If you’re single-divorced, your new catch might wanna know. And if you skipped to read only the last paragraph, I might wanna know lol.

    I love you ❤️

  • Childishness vs. Child-likeness

    Childishness vs. Child-likeness

    We may all not be adults yet but we’ve all been a child before (or we still are). Children are such cute and adorable little Homo sapiens. They ask the most bizarre questions and say the most interesting things. Their smile is so warming and their countenance is flawless. Not to talk of their sweet-smelling and super soft hair.

    Nonetheless, they can be very annoying. They run all over the place and mess the whole place up. They break the glass, dirty the sofa, stain their clothes, spill the milk, pull your legs and scream on top of their voices.

    Inasmuch as we wanna just whack the shit outta them and make them sit still for just one minute of their lives, we love them wholeheartedly because their energy and vibes are so pure and rare. I believe there are some vital unconscious behaviours – what I call childishness and child-likeness – we can learn from them to make us more mature and live from within.

    Childishness

    People’s opinions of them mean the world to them

    As a child growing up, people’s opinions – especially about them – come together to form their perception of the world. Every word from someone who means something to them is swallowed hook, line and sinker and is believed without thought. Every further reality is built on this, and this reality, be it true or false, can be believed for decades.

    What can we learn from this? If you let people’s projected reality and flawed opinions get to you, you’re simply being vulnerable. It is okay to be vulnerable. Truth is, choose to believe yourself over everyone else. But in order to keep your ego in check so you don’t see yourself bigger than you really are, it is important that you surround yourself with people who believe the best about you and will enable you to see your own blind spots.

    Dependence on others for literally everything

    Children spend a lot of their time crying for toys and sweets. They worry their mothers to get them almost anything bright and colorful they see. Usually, it will be of no use to them but they want it. They are not the ones paying for it. When you don’t give them what they want, they throw temper tantrums and make you look really bad in public.

    What can we learn from this? Impulse buying fails to leave us even when we start to pay our own bills. Everything all of a sudden seem attractive within the few days of receiving salary. We feel we have a lot of money to spare – which is usually not the case – and go in for stuff we’ll feel stupid later for buying. It is costly to make an important decision based on mere impulse. Planning beforehand raises our chances of making the right decision at the right time. Otherwise, we’d have to depend on others every time we need something important.  

    Lack of urgency

    Infants lack the ability to even notice how dicey a particular situation is. The infant can see danger coming and may face it head-on. They will never be able to know how urgent Mummy has to go to work or how important it is for her to complete some tasks. All they do is that they make sure that they are the centre of the universe.

    What can we learn from this? Urgency is very important for beginning and completing a task before deadline. Truth is, if one lacks a sense of urgency, one will procrastinate everything that looks like work. Urgency helps us to put our shit together. Without it, we’ll shit immediately we feel like it like infants do. Infants lack a sense of urgency because they lack the capacity to understand the situation, unlike us. Once we sit down to comprehend what is at stake, a sense of urgency kicks in so as to get everything organized and to get things done. Thus, the vital need for retrospection.

    …to be continued

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