Everyone has an inner child that we’d never lose as long as we live. No matter how old we grow, we’d still be someone’s child. But the expression of our child-ness is very important in every relationship. There are certain aspects of our inner child that certainly must grow, and then there are those aspects that we must never let go no matter how old we get.
Adulthood is crowned with complex reasoning that leads to needless worry. As long as we don’t lose our child-likeness, life’s journey will be nothing short of amazing even in the most bizarre moments.
CHILD-LIKENESS
Child-like wonder
A child will always ask the simplest of questions that have complex answers. According to a study in UK, curious kids ask a staggering 73 questions every day. “Why do people die?”, “how are babies born?”, “why is the sky blue?”, “how was I made?”. These questions are so simple that we think we have answers to them, but we usually don’t. Children are fascinated with the world around them and have all the time in the world to at least notice the minutest of details even though they cannot comprehend it.
When we lose our child-like wonder, we think we basically know the answers to everything. We explain everything away instead of simply letting ourselves be amazed by it. We miss the simplicity of fascination and the acknowledgement of a mysterious beauty that leaves us in awe. Sometimes we feel we have so many things to worry about than to be fascinated by nature and our surroundings. Remember, God is in the detail. It is the little things that do count. If we overlook the little things and focus on the “big” things, we’d be disappointed more times than necessary. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Child-like trust
Like children, we usually don’t know what’s best for us even when we think do. God wants us to trust him like a child trusts the parents. Even as parents, we generally don’t know what’s best for our kids. But we do know much more than kids do. We do know the consequences of their little actions – eating soap, playing with the kitchen knife, not doing their homework; the list goes on and on – and we try as much as we can to direct their paths and instruct them. God, on the other hand, knows all things. He is the only one big enough to see the bigger picture. The only way to trust God is with child-like trust.
There’s going to be a lot of mess, shortcomings, failures, heartbreak, division and misunderstandings so difficult and unending on our individual journeys that we don’t see how it’s gonna get any better in the end. There’s gonna be times when we think God’s promises are simply outrageous and that His decisions are questionable. It’s only by child-like trust – “It is so because Mom says so: It is so because God says so” – can we continue to trust God in the midst of the storm.
Child-like joy
This world is so full of troubles, trials, tribulations and torments. Life is hard. Life has a way of throwing new problems at us while we solve the old ones. We can all relate with how tough life can get no matter who we are. Some situations are clearly out of our control; there is nothing we can do about it. Those are the situations we worry about the most. Worry is not a sign of care. To understand the main differences between worrying and caring about something, click on the link to read Caring Too Much Without Worrying.
Not being worried also doesn’t mean pretending not to care. Having joy in the middle of the circumstance only comes after establishing your child-like trust in God. Happiness is based on the happenings of life, but joy can only be within. Once you have child-like joy, you stay true to yourself regardless of what happens.
It’s been said time and again that it’s not about what happens to us that matters, – what happens to us is nothing new; it happens to other people too – it’s our reaction to what happens to us that really matters. Joy comes when we trust in something bigger than the circumstance. Joy is not pretending to be happy; joy is knowing that all things work together for good.
What is more beautiful than being child-like; you’re innocent in thought, humble at heart, joyful in spirit and fascinated with nature. I believe life is not so much becoming who we are than unbecoming what we are not. We are all born a child and must remain like a child in order to be teachable, love fully, live freely and laugh wholeheartedly.
We may all not be adults yet but we’ve all been a child before (or we still are). Children are such cute and adorable little Homo sapiens. They ask the most bizarre questions and say the most interesting things. Their smile is so warming and their countenance is flawless. Not to talk of their sweet-smelling and super soft hair.
Nonetheless, they can be very annoying. They run all over the place and mess the whole place up. They break the glass, dirty the sofa, stain their clothes, spill the milk, pull your legs and scream on top of their voices.
Inasmuch as we wanna just whack the shit outta them and make them sit still for just one minute of their lives, we love them wholeheartedly because their energy and vibes are so pure and rare. I believe there are some vital unconscious behaviours – what I call childishness and child-likeness – we can learn from them to make us more mature and live from within.
Childishness
People’s opinions of them mean the world to them
As a child growing up, people’s opinions – especially about them – come together to form their perception of the world. Every word from someone who means something to them is swallowed hook, line and sinker and is believed without thought. Every further reality is built on this, and this reality, be it true or false, can be believed for decades.
What can we learn from this? If you let people’s projected reality and flawed opinions get to you, you’re simply being vulnerable. It is okay to be vulnerable. Truth is, choose to believe yourself over everyone else. But in order to keep your ego in check so you don’t see yourself bigger than you really are, it is important that you surround yourself with people who believe the best about you and will enable you to see your own blind spots.
Dependence on others for literally everything
Children spend a lot of their time crying for toys and sweets. They worry their mothers to get them almost anything bright and colorful they see. Usually, it will be of no use to them but they want it. They are not the ones paying for it. When you don’t give them what they want, they throw temper tantrums and make you look really bad in public.
What can we learn from this? Impulse buying fails to leave us even when we start to pay our own bills. Everything all of a sudden seem attractive within the few days of receiving salary. We feel we have a lot of money to spare – which is usually not the case – and go in for stuff we’ll feel stupid later for buying. It is costly to make an important decision based on mere impulse. Planning beforehand raises our chances of making the right decision at the right time. Otherwise, we’d have to depend on others every time we need something important.
Lack of urgency
Infants lack the ability to even notice how dicey a
particular situation is. The infant can see danger coming and may face it
head-on. They will never be able to know how urgent Mummy has to go to work or
how important it is for her to complete some tasks. All they do is that they
make sure that they are the centre of the universe.
What can we learn from this? Urgency is very important for beginning and completing a task before deadline. Truth is, if one lacks a sense of urgency, one will procrastinate everything that looks like work. Urgency helps us to put our shit together. Without it, we’ll shit immediately we feel like it like infants do. Infants lack a sense of urgency because they lack the capacity to understand the situation, unlike us. Once we sit down to comprehend what is at stake, a sense of urgency kicks in so as to get everything organized and to get things done. Thus, the vital need for retrospection.
Can you imagine an athlete in the middle of a 200-metre race not sprinting as good as she wanted, thereby deciding to restart? That’s what we do all the time. Restart whenever something goes wrong. As if everything is supposed to be perfect. As if nothing could possibly go wrong. As if failure is not part of the journey. There is a difference between restarting from scratch and restarting from experience. You’re restarting from scratch if you keep making the same mistakes. You’re restarting from experience if you keep making new mistakes.
The Illusion of Restarting
The truth is, restarting is really an illusion. We’ve just decided in our minds that we are restarting when you and I know that we cannot rewind life. Life is like an online video game. You can’t pause it. As you throw all previous progress out the window and start afresh for the 1000th time, know that time itself never started afresh. It simply kept moving as you while it away.
Perhaps, that’s what we ought to do. Keep moving no matter what. Always remember this; there is more progress sticking to something worthwhile – not matter how long it takes – than hopping from one thing to another, starting from scratch every time. Try the same core idea from different angles, approaches and procedures. It’s better to try one thing 1000 times than try different things 1000 times. Persistence is key, so stick to one core idea.
You Don’t Need To Figure It All Out
The good news is that you don’t need to figure it all out before you start. The Western world popularizes the idea of figuring it all out right before you start. They tell you to write down your goals for the year and have a detailed plan on how you’ll achieve it. Thus, people write to the utmost detail what they will be doing each day for the entire year. That is too rigid, my dear.
Looking back over the year, we don’t even remember into detail what happened each day. If our past is that blurry, how much more the future? See! Live one day at a time. It’s the days that add up to make a year. Don’t count the days; make the days count.
Don’t Restart; Rejuvenate
The reason why we keep restarting is not just because we want it to be perfect till the end. It’s because there’s a rush of enthusiasm whenever we start something. Restarting gives us fresh energy, vitality and optimism. Subject to the law of diminishing returns, the energy from the beginning slowly fizzles out till we are back where we last stumbled.
As a matter of fact, it is easy to get addicted to the idea of restarting. Feeling too cluttered? Let’s clear everything and restart. Why not simply organize them and continue? Stuck in old bad habits? Let’s clear everything and restart. Why not consciously create new good habits and move on with life? If you need a new zeal and ambition, don’t restart. Rejuvenate. You gain new strength to overcome the situation you’re in at the moment. Rather than running away from it by restarting.
So instead of quitting the marathon only to start over again, why not face your insecurities? For some of us, this is the message we ought to hear. You don’t need to wait for another year to put your life together. Don’t quit, yes. But quit restarting if you really want to make it to the finish line. Perhaps, it is by quitting this restart that you’ll break your cycle of failure and face your real underlying problems and weaknesses.
Happiness is an emotion that takes its root deep within our being. The human body secretes and circulates about 50 different hormones. These hormones include growth hormones, male and female hormones (hormones that produce secondary sexual characteristics in our body), stress hormones, sleep hormones and many others. In fact, hormones are chemical substances that are important in every activity within the human body. Consider hormones to be the magic spell that can change the physiology and behaviour of a person once released into the bloodstream. Happiness is no different.
There are 4 main hormones responsible for our happiness;
D for Dopamine
O for Oxytocin
S for Serotonin
E for Endorphin
Dopamine – the Reward Hormone
Also known as the pleasure hormone, dopamine is released when we achieve a goal or accomplish a task. That’s why women love shopping. Even drinking cold water on a hot day releases some level of dopamine. It is released while having sex, when we eat the food we crave and when we partake in an activity we love so much. It is the feel-good neurotransmitter, an essential part of the brain’s reward system.
Well, first of all you need to know an addiction is anything you do to reward yourself when you’re not in the mood. Our bodies release stress hormones whenever we are low on dopamine, thereby increasing the edge to do something pleasurable. Thus, choose your addictions wisely. Simple ways to increase your dopamine include eating healthily, sleeping well, listening to music, getting a massage and going shopping. Also, learn to reward yourself appropriately when you accomplish tasks.
Oxytocin and cortisol (stress hormone) oppose each other in our bodies. When one rises, the other falls. Thus, a deficiency in oxytocin has the same effect as an excess in cortisol. Signs of high cortisol include not sleeping well or waking up tired, weight gain (especially around the abdomen), cravings for unhealthy foods, backaches and headaches, low sex drive, anxiety, and depression.
Do you feel tired even when you’ve not completed any task? Do you feel disconnected in your relationship? You don’t even feel like yourself recently, right? Do you suddenly don’t feel like talking to anyone anymore? It’s like you just don’t have the energy to socialize, n’est pas? Have you walked by people you know and didn’t say hi, not because they annoy you but because you didn’t want to interact? That’s why sometimes when we feel this way, we just hug someone close for no reason.
How to increase Oxytocin levels
Oxytocin is a bonding chemical. Spend time with the ones you love, be goofy with your friends, share something valuable with someone, have a fruitful conversation with another. Laugh, share, help, touch, spread the love. Oxytocin is controlled by a positive feedback mechanism where the release of the hormone causes an action that stimulates more of its own release. It is nature’s way of passing on the love. It is making someone happy because you find happiness in that. At the end of the day, everyone’s happy.
Serotonin – the Calm Hormone
Serotonin is the hormone that is responsible for our emotional stability. It is considered the natural mood stabilizer. It is also present in animals, plants, and fungi. Thus, food is one good source of serotonin. You can’t directly get serotonin from food, but you can get it from tryptophan, an amino acid that’s converted to serotonin in your brain. Serotonin can be produced in the digestive system independent of the serotonin produced in the brain.
Function
Serotonin is associated with mood, sleep, digestion, blood clotting, bone density and sexual function. It makes us feel calmer, happier, more focused, less anxious and more emotionally stable. This hormoneis also influencing when, how much, and how well you sleep. It can also influence the frequency and intensity of the sexual feelings you have due to its effects on the body’s libido.
Excess Serotonin Effect
When people use certain recreational drugs, such as ecstasy, the body releases large amounts of serotonin. This can lead to serotonin depletion. Fluctuations of serotonin levels in the brain, which often occur when someone hasn’t eaten or is stressed, affects brain regions that enable people to regulate anger. The old adage was true; a hungry man is an angry man.
Do what you would usually do to lighten up your mood. Go for a walk, listen to your favourite music, opt for a massage, eat some good healthy food, especially those rich in fibre and protein, remember the fun times; those old happy memories, and most importantly, pray. Do you ever feel the burden suddenly lifted when you down on your knees in prayer? You sure have! All such activities calm you down and uplift your mood.
Endorphin – the Willpower Hormone
Contracted from endogenous morphine, endorphins are chemicals produced by the body to relieve stress and pain. It produces a feeling of euphoria that is both healthy and safe, without the risk of addiction and overdose. As an anti-anxiety hormone, it blocks discomfort and makes us excited. When endorphins are released in your body, it gives you the ability to power through any form of pain. That explains the name.
Function
Since humans naturally seek to feel pleasure and avoid pain, we’re more likely to do an activity if it makes us feel good. Endorphins alleviate pain even during childbirth, reduce stress and anxiety, boost self-esteem and reduce excess weight. It is the happy feeling produced when we exercise and feel good about ourselves and our bodies. This phenomenon is known as the runner’s high.
Excess Endorphin Effect
With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress. Endorphin is the body’s naturally produced pain killer that is released in relation to the level of pain it’s feeling. Without endorphins, the pain of labour and childbirth would have been practically impossible to bear since such pain exceeds a human’s threshold of pain. In such cases, the female body still produces high levels that are both healthy and safe, without the risk of addiction and overdose.
What are your coping mechanisms to get through the pain again? Yes! Eat chocolate, eat your favourite food, create art or music, laugh out loud, watch your favourite show, do what you had always loved to do. This adage was also right. When you do what you love, though it may be really stressful, your body will release just the right amount of endorphins you would need to get through it.
I believe everything in nature was purposefully designed to keep us happy. The beautiful sunrise, drinking water, the cosy weather, having a conversation, the bright flowers, laughing, eating your favourite food, walking out to soak it all in simply make us happy. It’s the simple things in life, to be honest.
Our bodies were fashioned to protect us. Instinctively, all we do is towards survival. We eat, drink, sleep, walk, talk and go about our daily lives basically as a means of survival. However, there is little to no satisfaction in doing the usual stuff all the time. This is because we are more than our physiological makeup and deep within us, we want a challenge.
The best of us never comes out without a challenge. Thus, we begin to desire greater things; greater things our brains register as a “threat” since it could ruin our survival. Our survival is our comfort zone and stepping out of our comfort zone is risky and a threat. Nonetheless, we are excited to push beyond our limits when we actually do. The more risk we take, the more excited we become.
For instance, our fear of falling may not allow us to jump off a moving plane. When we finally do, there’s nothing compared to that kind of excitement. However, in a light of taking good risks, some of us will never jump off that plane. Never! The question now becomes, how do you break free from your comfort zone and survival mode and jump head-on into the unknown?
Persistence is key
Water has a very high surface tension. This is why some insects with low body mass can settle on the surface of water. In fact, that explains why some objects float on water. As humans, we can float on water if we relax our body mass on the water body. Our legs would hang and our arms would shield, keeping our torso afloat. Nonetheless, with a slight persistent application of pressure on the water body, we could swim deeper. The happy and sad part about persistence is that it is more difficult at the beginning. Good riddance. This means the beginning is the more difficult part. It also means when you become persistent in an area you shouldn’t – like drinking alcohol – since you have broken the “surface tension”, it become easier the next time to “dive deeper”. Persistence comes in two folds and that leads me to the next issue;
Consistency over Intensity
Consistency and Intensity are important ingredients in their own rights. As humans, we soon realize that there is no such thing as inconsistency. You’re either consistent or consistently inconsistent. Since you get to choose your pattern of consistency, why not stick to the ideal? Before you can be consistent for real, you need to understand how it doesn’t relate to intensity. Many of what we practice as consistency is intensity in disguise. Consistency is doing great things in little ways. Intensity is doing little things in great ways.
Consistency is about the long-term. Intensity is about the short-term. No one can be consistently intensive without being intensively consistent from the start. It’s not brushing your teeth for 2 hours non-stop that will make a difference. It’s brushing it for just 2 minutes twice for about 2 years. If you focus on intensity as a beginner, you’ll break down even before the real journey begins. Long-term consistency will always triumph short-term intensity. Sadly, in the world of quick fix, consistency looks like a thing for losers.
Just remind yourself that short-term intensity does not equal long-term results. If you get injured, if you burn out, or if you stop, all the progress up to that point does little good. The LONG-TERM success is what you’re after. Consistency is the vehicle that will help you achieve those long-term results.
The “No Matter What” mindset
If you’ve been around for long, you’d realize that there is always something. Something always comes up. Ironically, we think we don’t have time to do the things we deem important to us. Yet we all know that if something is important to you, you’ll make time for it. We wait forever for the right time to start when the actual reason we’ve not started is because what we want to do is really not a priority to us. On paper, it’s a priority. In practice, nothing shows that it is.
There is a need to make firm decisions. Making decisions is the easy part. Standing by the decisions you made is the main deal. Are you going to make the main thing the main thing? Are you going to stick to plan when irrelevant matters arise? Trust me, almost everyone knows the right thing to do. Those who make the difference are those who take action and stick to it till it bears fruit.
All things are difficult before they become easy. We get better with time. It doesn’t change the fact that it gets hard sometimes. If only you can be stubborn. Be unrelenting. Not intensely. You may break down. Practice makes perfect. Consistently, every dream becomes a reality. Are you going to keep on keeping on no matter what?
Has anyone ever spoken ill of you? Have you ever been cornered and criticized unfairly? The person or group of people will gather around and spew hurtful words on you and it hits you like a tornado. It dampens your mood and you feel so low and really irritated. And if what they are saying is not even true, it is even more hurtful. As if spears came out of their mouths and pierced right into your heart.
We may never talk to such people again and definitely won’t be as close to them as we used to be. If such a group happens to be your family, your self-esteem becomes so low and resentment builds up within you. Though eventually you’ll be fine, it doesn’t take away the fact that it hurt you deeply and left you bitter. That is not even the most interesting aspect yet. This is it; do you know we do this to yourselves every now and then?
We beat ourselves up internally. We are so hard on ourselves for literally insignificant things. We dampen our mood and leave ourselves helpless while convincing ourselves that we deserve this mental and emotional self-punishment. We are so “over-aware” of our flaws and mishaps. Our shortcomings and failures never leave any self-analysis we make. Though people are not right to do it to us, it is meaningless that we think we deserve it when we do it to ourselves. Thus, our egos keep on increasing while our self-esteem drops like food in the oesophagus.
What are you beating yourself up for? You must be hard on yourself for important things, yes, but do you need to be so hard on yourself for the same damn thing for so long? We speak 150-300 per minute to ourselves everyday. It is called self-talk. That is about 50,000 words a day. 70% of our self-talk is subconscious, and about 70% of everything we say to ourselves is negative. 95% of what we say is repeated most of the time. Just imagine how you keep telling yourself in your mind all the time that you’re not good enough.
Why are you always speaking low about yourself? You know everyone’s strengths and strongholds but do you even consider yours? You’re always putting yourself in a constant state of “not measuring up” that you don’t even feel as fulfilled when you live up to your expectations. Yes, you don’t need to lower your standards. That will gradually lead you to another form of mediocrity. Rather, use the energy you would have used to condemn yourself for not reaching your targets to push yourself up harder the next time.
Don’t take life too seriously. Even movie monsters have a good laugh sometimes. You’re not wasting your life when you take a long break. Life is not about crossing all the T’s and dotting the I’s. It is more about having people around you who want to see you win and are there to celebrate you when you do. If you want to reach out for greatness, stop limiting yourself in your own mind. Stop speaking ill of yourself. “As for me, I’m not that good o, it is so-and-so that is good.” Your self-talk is always about what you can’t do, how you’re not that good, and why you can’t do it. False humility is true pride.
You’re amazing. Your nose shape is beautiful, trust me. You have such a lovely voice. You have the courage to be a public speaker. You’re good enough. You’re strong. You’re wise. You’re decisive. You’re loved. You’re cherished. You’re capable. Nevertheless, always remember this: Until you believe it about yourself, you’ll never believe anyone who tells you no matter how many times they tell you.
There is a difference between what it is and how we see it. What it is is purely its existence. Our perception of it is our reality. For instance, Greece is a place. It is what it is. Yet, our perception of Greece really differ. To some, it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. To others, it’s actually a very racist country. So many factors come into play to shape our reality of the place. One is our very own experiences, another is other people’s experiences. In fact, we could both have the same experience and still have different perceptions. That’s because we get to choose our own reality.
One understanding of existence is it being an objective reality. This means it is not a figment of our imagination or perception. In fact, given the same circumstances, everyone would testify to the same reality. I’ve never come across anyone on planet earth with a sound mind you thinks trees don’t exist. Existence needs perception but it just doesn’t rely on perception as its evidence. Let me explain. If a tree falls flat in the middle of a forest and there was no animal to hear the sound, the sound was never perceived because the sound was never heard. Did the tree fall? Yes! It is what it is. Thus, the fact that it’s not part of your reality or the fact that you cannot perceive something does not mean it doesn’t exist.
With reality – in this context, I’m talking about subjective reality – we get to choose what is real to us and what is not. Thus, something can exist outside of our reality. In fact, so many things do. Oxygen was discovered in 1772 by Carl Wilhelm Scheele. Before then, humans still breathed in oxygen. It existed – it always has – but it just wasn’t part of man’s reality. We can choose to believe ghosts don’t exist and have a good life without having to worry about them. We can also imagine they exist, but it will be part of only our reality, not everyone else’s. Ghosts can actually exist, don’t get me wrong. The truth is, when you shut something out of your reality, it continues to exist and does everything it does to exist. However, you will lack the ability to perceive it because it is not part of your reality.
Our mind is a very powerful tool. Inasmuch as we get to create our own customized realities, we don’t have the ability to determine what exists or what does not. Our mind does not possess the power to create existence. Our minds are powerful enough to create a reality of its own but not powerful enough to imagine something directly into existence. We cannot merely think any physical substance into existence. No! You can’t create a flat tummy with your mind. You have to put in the work to achieve the result. A good mindset is a good start and keeps you going but on its own, it’s just wishful thinking.
Imagination and our subjective reality is a good starting point to see yourself do the impossible. It can help you trick your mind into believing that you are limitless. But after all the chemical reactions in your body are done, you would have to face the objective reality. So don’t abuse the mindset issue. You can achieve anything you put your mind to, but if you don’t do anything about the situation, what exists will still continue to exist. It all starts from a good and positive mindset, but trust me it doesn’t end anywhere there. Nonetheless, create a good reality. It’s one of the few things in life you have control over.
The brain weighs only about 3 pounds, yet it contains about 12 billion cells, each of which is connected to 10,000 other cells, making 120 trillion connections called neural pathways. It generates more electrical impulses in a single day than all of the world’s telephones put together. Yet it uses less energy than a refrigerator light.
Neural pathways
The brain and mind are words that can be used interchangeably and there is nothing wrong with that. A common understanding is that the brain is the physical matter while the mind is the superficial “invisible” component. However, there are certain behaviors we portray that shows that the mind and brain can be on two different pages.
TRUTH vs FALSEHOOD
Our brain doesn’t know the difference between truth and falsehood (I say this very loosely). We believe something based on frequency – how many times it is fed to the brain through the senses. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we know something for sure when in actual fact, we believe it because we kept hearing it while we were growing up. Don’t be too scared to doubt the things you thought you already know. It is a sure sign of intelligence. Think for yourself.
Our brain also rejects new information that is contradictory to the old info that has already established entire neural pathways. Remember our brain works like a machine. It uses the shortest pathway in the thinking process so as to save energy. So it makes sense that it rejects new contradictory info or cause you to “hate” what you don’t understand in order to save energy. Unlearning can cause a chemical change called chemical neuroplasticity, that is why we “hate” it so much.
Thus, something is true if it’s coherent with what we already know to be true, and something we already know to be true is what has registered in our brain because we kept hearing or seeing it. This is a very powerful yet dangerous understanding; we can be easily manipulated to believe anything to be true. We can also easily convince ourselves to believe anything to be true.
IMAGINATION vs REALITY
Our brain also doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination. That’s why sometimes you think it’s actually happening till you wake up and it’s a dream. This explains why when you remember something, you feel the same emotions you felt back then. A horror movie is not real. Your mind knows but your brain doesn’t. Thus, your brain will release certain hormones – the exact same hormones it would release if it was really happening. Many have realized this and are using it in many ways. Monks can sit in a bowl of fire and not feel pain. Some even trick their brains into thinking they have exercised and the brain will build up the muscles as if they actually exercised.
In some sense, the brain tricks us every day without us sometimes realizing. Have you ever felt tired to perform a task until you actually did it and outdid yourself? Sometimes getting up from bed can feel so heavy till we actually get up. There is absolutely nothing we can’t do. It’s just that our brain is bound to protect us and keep us in survival mode. In fact, we can bite off our fingers as easily as we bite a carrot but your brain won’t allow it. Due to mirror neurons, our brain can also cause us to feel someone’s pain like it’s actually happening to us. That is why we gush out when we watch someone cut their finger while chopping carrots.
Our brain causes our body to react to whatever reality we create in our minds. This is the secret of the universe, and I have given it to you for free. What are you going to do with it? Convince yourself that you are a loser or create an entire reality of a conqueror and watch yourself manifest. You can literally do anything you put your mind to. Or you prefer to let your brain dictate your actions? The power is in your mind.
Jesus didn’t have that luxury of time to explain the matter to the Pharisees. If anyone should have been worried, it should have been John, but John had said, “He must increase and I must decrease.” First of all, it was misinformation. Jesus wasn’t the one baptizing; it was his disciples. In life, make sure you don’t act based on rumors. If it matters, find out for yourself. If it doesn’t, don’t waste your time.
Secondly, it wasn’t a John vs Jesus matter. John and Jesus were not rivals. When Jesus heard what was being said, he left. He didn’t need to explain himself to them. He didn’t need to let it worry Him. If you follow the matters of Phariseeism, they will always give you something to be offended about, and you’ll break friendships with people you weren’t supposed to have issues with.
If it’s not a matter that matters, learn to walk away from the issue and it will die out. Don’t add any additional burden to your life. Focus, and leave the distractions to fall away. They said you’re 30 and you’re still yet to marry, so what? Who’s even more concerned about the issue in the first place; isn’t it you? People talk about issues that don’t concern them as if they care.
There are two sides of the same coin. There are people who genuinely care and bring someone’s matter up to you but if it’s not your matter, don’t bother yourself. If two people have an issue, the only time you can address the issue with the two of them is when the two invite you in. Don’t make yourself a judge over a matter that nobody invited you to.
If someone’s girlfriend invites you into a matter and you personally don’t know her boyfriend, it doesn’t concern you. From the passage, Jesus didn’t know the other brother, so He didn’t bother Himself. If two strangers are having an argument by the roadside and they invite you in, don’t explain anything. If two best friends are fighting and they invite you in, be discrete. They will get back together like they always have, and your rushed advice won’t be forgotten.
When Jesus came to earth, there were billions of problems as there is now. With many social problems, He didn’t even try to solve them or even address it. He didn’t come to judge the world, He came to save it. He solved what was man’s most important need and the underlying cause of all other problems. All others were just distractions.
Treating a girl like shit doesn’t make you a man. It makes you more of an animal.
Every girl has experienced sexual harassment in some form. It will shock you to know the number of girls you know that have been sexually abused. As a guy, you also know at least one guy who brags about taking advantage of girls. Therefore, this rape culture is not far-fetched. Don’t act like it’s happening elsewhere.
You may not be the problem but make sure you’re not part of it. Stop hyping yourself for never taking advantage of a girl against her will. If you hype what is meant to be normalized, you normalize what is meant to be discouraged. Treating a girl like a human being is normal. It’s not an achievement. It’s the bare minimum.
Don’t wait till someone rapes your relative or friend until you realize the severity of this problem. Imagine being a girl and having to be constantly taking precautions literally from birth to avoid getting raped? How about we denormalize rape? Adding insult to injury, society blames the girl for falling victim as if those who rape cannot be stopped.
If girls don’t feel comfortable around you, you’re part of the problem. If you’re always demeaning women, you’re part of the problem. You coerce girls to do things with you, you’re part of the problem. If you still hang out with friends who undermine women, you’re still part of the problem. If your first instinct is to question what the girl did or didn’t do when she fell victim, dude you’re a BIG part of the problem.
Stop treating women like they are some sex objects, a minority group or second-class citizens. And if you STILL don’t see where the problem is, you’re the worst part of the problem.
If you’re not supporting the #saynotorape movement, then it speaks volumes about you. Stop avoiding the subject. Stop running away from the real issue. It’s not about what women should do anymore. The question is, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? What you’re doing is either encouraging the culture or annihilating it.
If you still think that “real” men aren’t the problem, how about you fight side by side with women? What about that? How about you let go of those shallow-minded, unwilling-to-learn-yet-really-dumb friends you have. You have a voice. Use it!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Galatians 5:22 NKJV
Goodness cannot be taken advantage of. What people take advantage of is insecurities. When you are insecure about doing good to others, you basically care about your public image, the show you’re putting up, how people will see you and praise you, how you can use your goodness now for a favor later. True goodness is not ignorant or blind. People take advantage of whatever that is ignorant and blind. True goodness understands the situation, sees the need, has the resources and is willing to help.
True goodness is not forced or coerced. True goodness is a decision to help when you are willing and able. True goodness is not to the benefit of others and a detriment to yourself. That is a dualistic thinking. Not every situation is dualistic. Giving someone an advantage does not necessarily put you at a disadvantage. Your parents spending huge sums of money on you is not to their disadvantage.
Sacrifice is not detrimental, how much more goodness. Don’t be shortsighted. Look at the big picture. Yes! Sacrifice is costly. But we choose the value we place on anything, including ourselves. If it’s worth it, it’s worth sacrificing for. If we don’t learn to prioritise what really matters in the long run and sacrifice for it, we would hold on to everything there is and eventually lose everything. Laying down your life for someone is not necessarily killing yourself. Every parent understands this perfectly.
Goodness is not only giving what we have materially. Sometimes all the other person needs is not the amount of money they are asking from you and will be unable to pay. Sometimes they just need the peace of mind you’re not willing to give away. That will mean not giving them what they think they need in the short term but what you know would be beneficial in the long term
Goodness from time immemorial has been a coverup for a hidden motive or evil deeds that need not be seen. That is the kind of goodness that can be taken advantage of. Why? Because such a goodness has to be put up to cover up. There are top businesses in the world that grant auditors huge sums of money to shut up concerning their fraudulent transactions.
When you’re insecure about goodness, you do good out of convenience and pity. Perhaps, it’s your way of putting people under you. Or a sure way to avoid controversy. Or even a way of pleasing the public eye. Insecure goodness can be blackmailed. Anyone can do good. Even some serial killers in history have donated parts of the bodies of their victims for the good of science. But truly doing good emanates from being truly good.
It is absurd to think goodness can be abused. Can you abuse your mom’s love for you? Can you abuse the sun’s energy? Can you abuse the oxygen you breathe? Can you abuse the grace of God? Certainly not! Whatever goodness we abuse affects us more than the source of goodness. If you have a friend who is willing to support you no matter what, and you think you can abuse them and you indeed do, you lose their trust but they never lose their kindness. Think about it.
Sometimes I wonder if Mother Theresa would have remained Mother Theresa in this system of ours. I believe she would. In fact, there are more people with her heart now than ever before. Don’t let the system fool you. Those who linger close to the top and abuse whatever goodness there is never make it for long. Everyone at the top is a philanthropist. Whoever wants to make it to the top must have the mindset of giving back to society.
There is a kind of goodness that emanates from empathy and compassion. It causes us to do good because we ARE good. We are the epitome of goodness when the reason for our goodness is because we have seen a need that we can address. True goodness is a response to the call of the universe to address the needs of our fellow selves. True goodness does not take advantage of. True goodness gives advantage to.
So, don’t stop doing good because people did you bad. Do good because you are good. The world has been changed and will change a thousand times by the littlest of goodness shown. Think about all the people and works that came to stay throughout history from the first civilisation to date. Don’t fear your goodness will be taken advantage of. Be glad that you’re the vessel being used to make a positive impact in the lives of the people around you.
Circumstances have nothing to do with morality. You don’t have to deserve what you go through.
Being a good person does not justify that only good things happen to you. The fact that you’re good to other people doesn’t guarantee that others be good to you. Life doesn’t care, really.
When you say, “why do good people go through bad things?”, what do you mean by “good” and “bad“? “Good” people sometimes do bad things, and “bad” people sometimes do good things. What makes a circumstance good or bad; the frequency, quality or personality? What is your yardstick; is it objective or subjective?
It has even been scientifically proven that no situation causes anxiety. It is rather our psychological reaction to the situation that causes anxiety; not the situation itself.
Sometimes we’re going to reap more or less than what we sow. Other times we’re going to reap what we don’t sow no matter what we sow.
Good things don’t happen to bad people. Bad things don’t happen to good people. Things happen to people. The more we embrace this reality, the less entitled we’ll be.
