We are an amalgamation of every phase of life we have ever been in; the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Every phase came together to produce the masterpiece you are, including the phases you hate so much and wished you never experienced. However, there are some people in some situations who wish they never went through a particular phase in their lives. If you are in such a situation, this write-up is for you.
Change is the only constant in life. These changes come in phases. Some girls grow up being teased for being ugly till they hit puberty. Now their haters are silenced. Others are bullied in high school but end up as a millionaire 10 years later. The tables turn. Seasons change. Phases come and go. In fact, a new phase is the closest thing to a reset button life offers us.
Friends; “Friendly” Reminders of Who We Used to Be
Friends you make in each phase are still stuck with the memories of you in that phase. Thus, although you may have changed and have been redefined, the version of you they still know is your past phase where you were very close to them. That’s how come you can be the president of a nation but your friends from high school still call you by your nickname. Since we are an amalgamation of every phase we have been in, they will still see in us a side of us they can still relate to. People don’t change much although we go through drastic changes. When I wrote Who Am I?, I explained that some core aspects of ourselves will barely change throughout our lifetime.
There are people who became friends with you simply because they met you several times a week. They may be workers near our vicinity or even a former roommate. A new phase brings a close to such relationships. New phases also tend to make us close to people we weren’t close to in a former phase. However, there are friends that will stick with you through several phases. They have seen different versions of you and still love you for who you are. You will be a fool to let such friends leave. Life gets lonely, especially in the adult phases. Finding a friend may be divine but keeping a friend is intentional. Don’t forget that.
Inasmuch as a new phase is like a reset button, there may still exist people, places and situations that may remind us of the old phases we are in desperate need to detach ourselves from. You cannot run away from your past but you can define your future. You need to remember that. Also, your past is still a major part of your beautiful story. Take that out and you’ve taken all the experiences and eye-opening situations and learnt lessons that come together to form that unique person you are.
Redefining Yourself is a Mindset thing
It’s easy to actually be addicted to reinventing yourself every time you move into another phase because you actually define yourself by the shames of the previous phase. Redefining Yourself is not about how others see you. Free yourself from that, for God’s sake. Define yourself for yourself. How people define you will not always favour you, no matter the phase. If you define how you see yourself, you redefine how others should see you.
Sometimes it’s the situation that has changed, not you. If you don’t change for a more mature and renewed mindset, you can “reset” the reset. This is what I mean. Marriage doesn’t change anybody. If you marry today, it does not mean you will be a responsible person automatically. Yes, circumstances change people but it’s usually at only the beginning. Sooner or later, you end up living life like you used to.
This explains why being rich is not about having money. Poor people get annoyed when wealthy people say being rich is a mindset. The truth is, being rich is easy. Maintaining the riches is the real deal. That’s something someone with a poverty mindset cannot do. It’s the same with every phase; getting the job is the easy part. Maintaining the job is the real deal. Getting married is the easy part. Staying married is the real deal. Buying a car is the easy part. Maintaining the car is the real deal. The attitude of a redefined person stems from their mindset, not their willpower or cheap talk.
You can’t go around dictating to people how they ought to relate to you. Do you want to actually redefine yourself? Change the perception you have about yourself. How you see yourself determines how you carry yourself. How you carry yourself determines how people relate to you.
….to be continued